(Closed) “Tacky”

posted 13 years ago in Logistics
Post # 47
Member
1929 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

Thanks hisMrs 🙂  That poster feeling bad was what made me decide to post this!  She really didn’t need to feel like she had done something wrong by using a word a few people have decided should be taboo for *everyone*.

Post # 48
Member
34 posts
Newbee

I am very very glad that someone finally had the balls to say something about some people telling others that what they are doing is "tacky"  Being a military fiance and being it the marine corp which is probably the worst payed out of all the military branches it is hard to have the wedding for you perfect wonderful dreams. My parents have money, and they are not hurting for any of it and though they are paying for our wedding with out the help of his family. They are still making me pay for the smaller things like my slip and dress assecories which does add up. I was told putting the notice of where me and my fiance were registered at in the invites was tacky and not having favors, or for instance me I’m spending $15 on a costco cake instead of $500 dollars on a beautiful cake that would be destroyed in a matter of an hour or so etc. I’m so over the word.  Whats tacky are people who have all the knick knacks and hoopla that they want for thier wedding and than 6 months down the road are divoriced, but the couple that has a small no favors, no open bar, fold chairs and a costco cake, I-pod wedding is still going strong at their 50th wedding anniverary. It’s not the wedding that counts lady’s it’s the marriage. This whole tacky word the last few month has really kept me from even posting much on here for fear of someone saying it’s tacky to have a costco cake or It’s tacky to only spend $20 dollars on your shoes or it’s tacky to blah blah blah. Give me a break! Thanks you Chicagowife for bringing this up.

Post # 49
Member
1929 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

@<font size=”2″ color=”#81a026″>Cheyenne22</font>  See you are pissed off that people are judging you which is pretty different than using a simple word  -a word you then used in your post to judge others – you look down your nose on people who ARE spending a lot of money, which is no better than people who judge you.  The issue is that if people are asking for help on WB, you are right, its not helpful to come in and judge them.  But if people are specifically ASKING posters what they think of an idea, then it should be ok for people to express their own views.  And I dont think anyone on here judges people who are on a budget, this is the most DIY site I have ever seen!  The people around you who are just telling you things are tacky have very poor taste to say anything.

Post # 50
Member
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2021

Thank you Janna!! It seems to totally be ok to look down upon people for having large weddings around here. Where it is written that if you are lucky enough to be able to have the wedding of your dreams {and it’s a big budget wedding} that you’re going to get divorced? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen that same attitude on this site. How would somebody feel if I was to say "If you don’t spend 20k on your wedding it means you don’t care about your marriage and you’ll be divorced in a year." First off, that’s ridiculous and second it’s just mean. Respect goes both ways.

 

Ok, rant done. 

Post # 51
Member
34 posts
Newbee

Obviously what I was saying wasn’t grasped completely. I was making the analogy that it’s not all about how you do it or what you spend/don’t spend or what you include or don’t include. I never once said that every person that spends a lot of money would end up being divoriced.  My intention was for it to basically say it doesn’t matter how you get married or what other people think it’s about the marriage not the wedding. It’s about being together in 50 years not making it though just that day.  I don’t "look down my nose" at people who spend tons and tons of money on a wedding. If they have it more power to them I think it’s great. I was simply trying to make a point. So sorry if you took it wrong.

Post # 52
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I hope I’m not guilty.  I know that the way I keep my posts and comments from having any snarkiness is reading them and thinking about how I would feel if someone left those comments for me.

So ladies, remember that the reason this site is so wonderful is that we are all different and we all have something to give to one another.

What may be tacky to you may be my dream and the other way around.

Everyone has a little bit of "tacky" in them.

 

Post # 53
Member
1652 posts
Bumble bee

@Cheyenne.  I certainly agree that it’s about the marriage and not the wedding.  I also think, if I catch you correctly, that sometimes when you see people throwing so much money and energy into the wedding, you might be concerned that they are more into having a wedding than having a marriage.  I’m sure that is true sometimes.  However…

1.  This is a wedding site, not a marriage site.  There are threads on married life, but keep in mind all of this talk of weddings around here is because it is about weddings.  Brides need somewhere to go to talk etiquette, DIY and planning. 

2.  I ‘m sorry if people are saying something you are doing is tacky, when you are on a budget.  But is it possible you are actually learning something?  Putting registry info on a wedding invitation is a no no, and has nothing to do with money.  Also, sometimes people are giving an opinion that some things should or shouldn’t be done, and you could take it to mean, "Even though I thought I could save money here, maybe I should rethink this and cut costs somewhere else."  If by chance you had some crazy idea, aren’t you glad you’d get an honest response on here, instead of your BMs looking at you like deer in headlights telling you, "Whatever you like.  It’s your wedding." 

As I’ve said before, if someone on here thinks something is tacky, or doesn’t agree with it, it’s likely someone at your wedding will feel the same way.  So best to know these things up front.

 

Post # 54
Member
1929 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

@Cheyenne – I totally agree with you, people judging people based on how much money that are OR aren’t spending is never a good thing (some might call it tacky :).  But I think that is a different topic from whether or not people should use the word tacky.  I think that the majority of things people have used the word "tacky" for  on these boards are etiquette related (guest wearing a white dress to a wedding, money dance, etc.) and not cost related.  Since this is a wedding website, people are just offering thoughts on those wedding related details, which by no means means that these people think that a weddding is more important than a marriage!  People can try to throw a great wedding without diminishing the importance of a marriage….

Post # 55
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Can anyone tell me what bee post everyone’s referring to?  I missed it and am very interested to read it to see what’s "tacky".

Post # 56
Member
299 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@lilhawkeye2: apparently there was a discussion (it was a while back) about having a cash bar versus an open bar. And just like on every wedding blog out there, some think the idea is tacky and some do not. But here everyone has their feathers ruffled over the use of the word tacky and its possible derogatory conitation. But the current discussion is straying on to different topics.

Post # 57
Member
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

@Lil & @Laural: There were actually several posts around the hive around the same time where people began flinging the word tacky around as though it was the be-all and end-all of judgements on people’s wedding choices (some topics included +1s, cash bars, money dances, and favors). It began to get sensitive, as most things including judgement tend to do, and several threads discussing the use of "tacky" got started.

I like to think we’re a kinder, gentler hive now that the fury has died down. 😉

Post # 59
Member
70 posts
Worker bee

I think what is "tacky" and what isn’t is totally regional/cultural/specific to you and your family and friends.

For example: Many, many people have posted, Tanya123 most recently, that including registry information in your invitations is tacky. And according to Emily Post followers it is, because it looks like you’re grabbing for gifts. 

But personally, I have been invited to several weddings where my friends included registry information in the invitation and I was not at all offended. In the circles I tend to socialize in, no one is big on formality and etiquette rules, and I can 100 percent guarantee that none of the guests misinterpreted this as anything but an attempt to be helpful. Honestly, I wish the rule on this would change, because I find registry cards very helpful. However, in some circles, this would be a major "no no" as tanya123 said and would be considered rude behavior by the hosts. (Tanya I don’t mean to pick on you here, and I don’t think you’re wrong for saying what you did. I’m just using a real person example.) 

To me avoiding "tackiness" is just a matter of understanding your friends and family well enough to know what elements of a wedding could offend or confuse them.

In my circle of friends, no one would ever have a cash bar at their wedding. In fact people would probably rather have a dry wedding than a cash bar. But I’ve spoken with many, many other people who’ve said that cash bars are de rigeur among their social set.

I had never even heard of a dollar dance before I began planning my own wedding. So I’m guessing it would be confusing for my wedding guests. But others consider it a normal part of a wedding.

I guess what I’m saying is that you know your own community better than a bunch of strangers on the Internet. Do what you think will make you the best host to the people you are actually inviting, not the people you are theoretically inviting based on online conversations and an etiquette handbook that isn’t very applicable to many of our real lives.

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