(Closed) Tacky This, Tacky That

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@mwestbunch:

 

1. and 2. totally agree, list it on your website. do not not not include it in your invitation information. It comes off as an ivitation to give you a present, not an invitation to be your guest.

3. I would print the envelopes directly on envelopes as mentioned above or do a wrap around label. I’m not a fan of labels at all, but have seen many wrap around labels on the bee that look great for a more casual presentation.

4. If you can I would include RSVP cards for online users that just say your website, and to RSVP there. Then include a seperate traditional RSVP card with envelopes+postage for others. 

 

Post # 18
Member
1211 posts
Bumble bee

Ok as for postage I say who cares. Honestly if we are talking about “etiquette” then you shouldn’t even be sending an RSVP card. They should be replying with a hand written note on their own stationary so 😛 lol. We will be sending out invitations ALL across Canada AND the US. I’ve decided to skip the UK relitives. I cannot be bothered figuring out the return postage for each idividual invite across two countries. Are you kidding me? Let them spring for a stamp I say! I bet most of them have a roll of stamps in their home offices or at work anyway.

Post # 19
Member
6889 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

View original reply
@MrsGolden2Bee: I know for the US if you are sending an RSVP back to the USA of the Post office told us that the stamp has to come from a post office there. We couldn’t even purchase a stamp for return back to the USA for our 1 invite that went to Canada. 

As for OP, agree with the other posters.  Put your registry on the website not on your invites. 

 

Post # 20
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Gosh, I don’t even know if we had stamps on our RSVP envelopes…!  Maybe I should ask our invitations gal about that.

The only thing that I would personally really try to avoid is mentioning gifts/registries/funds/etc. on the actual invite itself.  For the stamps and labels, I say do what you want.  People just throw the envelope away anyway.

Post # 21
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’ve received some very cute invitations with printed address labels and never thought it was “tacky”. In fact, I was kind of impressed!

As for the registry, I agree that it’s not exactly polite to put where you’re registered, but do what you want. We had an insert card that read “Dinner and dancing to follow / At _____ / For more information, please visit / http://www.ourweddingsite.com

On our wedding website, we put our engagement photos, hotel info, and, oh-so-conveniently registry info. It definitely clues people in on where you’re registered, and if they don’t check it and still want to bring you a gift they’ll probably give you cash.

Post # 22
Member
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

do whatever makes you happy!  If it’s your thing then you’re in charge.  If it represents YOU then go for it!

Post # 23
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011 - Catholic Church, Lakeview Golf Resort and Spa

Registry cards aren’t a problem as long as you KNOW no one will be offended by them.  I’m not willing to take that risk, so I’m throwing the info on my website.  We’re inviting to many people, and I’m sure a few are judgey Mcjudgersons.  Anyone who doesn’t have internet access (which I honestly think is no one…except maybe a 90 year old great aunt here and there) can call my grandma and ask if they would like to purchase from the registry.

Post # 24
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m sorry…  I can’t help it…

Tacky glue is SOOOO tacky.

We have a wedding website and put the url for that on the rsvp cards.  I think his friends/parents have asked at least twice each where we’re registered.  A few people asked our top priorities (my response – to spend time with friends and family…  but one way or another, we WILL have a steam cleaner within a few days of our wedding.  And thus I have my steam cleaner, from all my old co-workers, yay!  My Fiance says, one way or another, we’ll have a new vaccuum 4 weeks from now too.)  

Post # 25
Member
3324 posts
Sugar bee

1. You can never politely ask for gifts.  On the website is a better suggestion.

2. Spread this information by word of mouth.  Tell your family, his family, and bridal party.  People will find out this information without you spoon feeding it to them.  People have found registries long before the internet or registry cards ever existed.

3. As a guest I appreciate the personal touch.  A printed label is meant for bulk mailings, not a personal invitations.  It takes maybe 30 seconds to write the addresses on per invite.  If you had some sort of disorder or known hand problems I would give you a pass.

4. I think if you are giving return cards, then you should put the postage on.  If you dont’ want to deal with postage then you can do online and telephone RSVP’s  It does look cheap to request return mail RSVP’s and not pay postage.

Post # 26
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I’ll just comment on #3 and #4.  I printed our address right onto the envelopes and thought they turned out really well and used a stamp for our return address.  Really your guests are going to open the enveloped and immediately throw it away so I wouldn’t spend a lot of time on them unless you have the time.  Also on the RSVP’s you can save a little postage by making them postcards.  I didn’t send RSVP cards to our bridal party and immediate family because I knew they were coming and with how many guests.

Post # 27
Member
3600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

If you like it, do it.

Post # 27
Member
3600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

If you like it, do it.

Post # 28
Member
1692 posts
Bumble bee

“Tacky” is a cheap pejorative for things that someone doesn’t like: it disses the idea without really saying anything legitimate about what is wrong with the idea. It’s like playground name-calling: an insult with no thought behind it.

The exception, of course, is address labels 😉 The actual dictionary meaning of tacky is “Slightly adhesive or gummy to the touch; sticky,” and even the staunchest defenders of address labels cannot deny that the term applies. Of course, it also isn’t a bad thing in this case: labels wouldn’t be much use if they were NOT tacky.

Of course, if people were to think critically about why they dislike this or that idea, they might still condemn it. They would just use more descriptive — and possibly more damning — terminology. Putting your wish-list reference on what is supposed to be a generous hospitable invitation seems mercenary and materialistic; even greedy: it betrays a sense of entitlement and a willingness to take advantage of your guests’ generosity. If people really need your help in selecting something appropriate for a gift, you will come across as more gracious by insisting that you really want only their good wishes. If you can’t bring yourself to do that, leaving the gift choice up to your guests’ ingenuity is the next best choice. Not “Tacky”, but still not desirable.

Adding maps, hotel information and block booking contacts to your invitation; sending advance advertising in the form of save-the-date cards; and creating a website make your wedding seem commercialized, like a business convention. It conflicts with the social and spiritual nature of a wedding, and depersonalizes the invitation. Also not “tacky”, but not the motif most brides are going for, either.

The handwriting-on-envelope argument is pretty specious. First of all, printing instead of handwriting on the invitation envelope breaks no more “rules” than does printing instead of engraving on the invitation itself. And nearly everyone accepts printing on the invitation. They’d be pretty inconsistent to worry about the envelope, which is after all just the wrapper for the invitation, when they’ve accepted the compromise of printing on the part that matters. And secondly, the reason given for handwriting the envelopes is that it shows “personal attention”. Anyone who has ever set up a mail-merge to print envelopes and then fed the finicky odd-sized envelopes through the blasted printer, knows that there is a great deal of personal attention being used in that exercise, too. I have gorgeous hand-writing and love using it, but even I resort to printed envelopes when the guest list approaches its second hundred.

R.s.v.p. cards with no stamps? I hate them — but I hate them with stamps on them, too. I find it bossy and presumptuous for a hostess to try to dictate what stationery I should use to reply to her invitation. If it’s easier for your guests to phone, text or email, then why not just graciously accept their responses in whatever manner they choose to send them? Being gracious to your guests is never “tacky”.

 

Post # 29
Member
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

In a year, will people even remember if you printed labels or wrote out addresses? It is moot to me. The invitations are just not important to me, I guess. I got some nice, simple ones with all the info and an online RSVP (and a phone number for the less internet-savy). I have awful handwriting so I printed labels.

I have decided to put the money I saved on expensice invites, postage, and a calligrapher on the actual wedding. The part people will remember 🙂

Post # 30
Member
2187 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

To me the only word that comes across when I get an invitation that a) has no stamp b) has a label c) has our name spelt wrong and d) has a registry tag printed on the inside=cheap :-/

I am only saying this because we recently received an invitation with all of these things, and the invites were thrown together. I think if you present it nicely, include the registry card but leave out the stamp and label, that would be fine! Or pick and choose what you like. Maybe, put stamps on all, use labels and put a registry tag in there?We just printed out addresses and return address on our computer, same with most of my married friends and family who have sent invitations recently.

ps. I am not saying that you would spell someones name incorrectly, I was just reffering to the invite we received a few weeks ago!

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