(Closed) Tacky This, Tacky That

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
Member
583 posts
Busy bee

Obviously proper etiquette dictates that you don’t put registry info in your invitation, and although I’m sure some people wouldn’t mind, wouldn’t you hate to offend certain people and have it result in ill feelings or in not getting a gift at all? I think you’ll find that if it’s on your wedding web site, people who want to contribute to your registry will search it out or ask you/your family where you’re registered. Keep in mind also that a lot of people really like giving physical gifts, not money or gift cards–it might be a good idea to do a small registry at an actual store for those who are really traditional or aren’t internet saavy, or you might end up w/random spice racks and picture frames. Also, we gave our guests the option of sending RSVPs by mail or email, and a lot more people sent back the response card than we expected, so I would recommend spending the money on postage and scaling back on the budget elsewhere.

Post # 32
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

View original reply
@KatyElle:  I agree Katy. I personally feel that asking for money as a wedding present, even if it’s for a honeymoon, leaves a really really bad taste in my mouth. You are putting people on the spot, who may not be able to afford it.  Weddings are not about presents and monetary gifts.  Guests are there to witness your union not to buy you something or pay for your honeymoon just because you invited them to a party. 

If you want to convey your registry information without looking like you are fishing for gifts then create a wedding website (free on the Knot) and put it on there.

Post # 33
Member
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Wedding etiquette is what it is. If you have to ask the question, you know in your heart of hearts that all of the above things are tacky, which they are. You just have to decide for yourself if you care or not. 

Post # 34
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I recently received a wedding invitation that included a little card saying where the couple was registered for gifts. I didn’t care. Pretty much everyone makes gift registries, or some kind of registry, with the expectation that at least some of the guests will buy them gifts from it. So why is it so tacky to include this information in the invitations? It seems ridiculous to me that people have to do this elaborate dance just to reveal that they would prefer certain items as gifts over others, without sounding like they particularly want any gifts. If the registry information is on the invites, it saves people who want to buy gifts from having to call and ask about it.

Post # 35
Member
1501 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Labels all the way!! Who wants to spend the time and effort hand writing them all. And my writing is terrible.

You can get nice labels and use nice fonts.

Post # 36
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think labels are fine and not putting postage is fine if there is an RSVP online option, but I would not put any registry information in your invite. If someone wants to know, they will ask. If not, they will probably give cash anyway. It’s just too presumptuous for my taste.

Post # 37
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I guess I’m kind of old-school in the idea that you never, ever ask for money as a gift. No matter how it is worded.

Post # 38
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I know this is a couple of days old, but I think you should stop running your ideas by your mom, your Maid/Matron of Honor, her mom or anyone else but your FH. Do what you think is right and leave others out of it. They seem like they’re making things much harder on you.

Post # 39
Member
5109 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

Its your wedding so do what you want. Yes a lot of people think that its “tacky” to do a honeyfund, but a lot of people still do it. You know your family and friends more than we do so do it if you think its ok. I personally only have a problem with you not putting postage on all the rsvp’s I think you will run into issues there, and you never know what someones preference is. But I think its really rude to expect your guests to pay for anything.. Maybe you dont know all of thier situations you may think so and so has a comp etc and may not. Idk I think thats the only thing I would have an issue with. rsvp’s should all be the same.

Post # 40
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Ah, the wedding etiquette. Don’t you just love all of the do’s and dont’s of wedding planning. But at last, impressions count for a lot and you do not want to offend any guests. There are reeasonable solutions that are easy to accomodate even Miss Betsy Etiquette.

1.) Your wedding is a celebration of love and you want those that you care about most to be there to witness. Now if they do not get you a gift, it is bad etiquette on their part if they attend your wedding. But you should never ask for a gift. That is just terrible manners. So, no I would not put registry info in your wedding invites. I would however create a wedding website (that is in good taste) and mainly includes info about lodging, the ceremony and reception, maps, and info about the area you are having your wedding take place (things for them to do). Graciously you can then insert your registries at the end of your website. On your invites you can then add a side note (possibly on a map) “For lodging, directions, and more, please visit http://www.weddingwire.com/…….”

2.) Honey moon registries include the cutest items to register for; a four course champagne breakfast on the terrace overlooking the beach, or a couples massage complete with organic lavander salt scrub, etc…. I went on a friends registry once and she was registered at department stores, but also a honeymoon registry. I chose to gift her the cooking classes on her honeymoon because I love to cook and that was fun for me to buy. But do register for China or other household goods (and you wont regret it) for the older generations.You can have multiple registries.

3.) Your guests are doing you a favor by coming to your wedding. You are not Princess Kate. Your family and friends are showing their suppiort and love by attending your wedding. Give them a break and include a stamp. I never have stamps on me so if someone cheaped out on that part, then I just might not reply and say ” well I wasn;t worth a stamp, may be your not worth a nice gift or my money and time getting to the ceremony if you think that little of me.” You spent a lot of time and money picking out the right invites, might as well go that extra mile and spend a little more on stamps.

Weddings are expensive, but in the end (unless you elope) it is a big party for everyone else. You want your guests walking away feeling like they just had the time of their life and that they were just as important. Spend a little more on a creative guest gift, really good food, great booze and music, and yes…..stamps.

Post # 41
Member
5517 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2019 - Paris, France

EVERYTHING CAN BE CONSIDERED TACKY!  But I am doing 90% of it anyways. My family REQUESTED that I put the registry info in with the invite…so I am doing that! I don’t care if it is tacky or not! I am also doing a honeymoon wishes thingy.. WHO CARES? do what is right in your circle! 

Post # 42
Member
1936 posts
Buzzing bee

I dont think any of those things are tacky and in fact I’m doing almost every single one you are! Except the honeyfund.com. But I think it’s great to include a card saying short and sweet that you are registered at honeyfund.com where you can contribute to the honeymoon. Honestly, I don’t think anyone really gets hung up about these things and barely anyone knows wedding etiquette anyway. I just go with what people around me are doing – all my friend included a card for the registry in the invite, most of them did RSVP by email, I forget about the labels, but who cares – do what you want!

Post # 43
Member
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

1. Tacky! No registry information should be given with the invitation period.

2. Tacky! Again, the registry information should not be in the invitation. If you are going to post this on your wedding website, I would also reword that to say “In lieu of traditional gifts the bride and groom are excepting contributions to the honeymoon. Please visit honeyfund.com”

3. Tacky! They don’t have to be calligraphed only neatly writen, the purpose of which is to make guests feel personally invited. This is, afterall, the only part that you will write.

 

4. Not tacky. I personally feel that since you are providing other means of responding it is unneccesary. Ms. Emily Post seems to agree http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/wedding-invitations-and-announcements/340-repondez-sil-vous-plait

Post # 44
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think that you should not include the registry information in the invitation simply because you are getting married and wish to have these people there to be a part of a momentous occasion, not to give you gifts.  What if I planned to make something handmade or give you something that held a lot of sentiment? A registry card sends the message that anything else is not good enough.  It is annoying but it IS tacky because it is asking for gifts and not just any gifts but monetary ones since you said this is a honeyfund.  

The best way is through word of mouth or on the website.  And here’s the key- if I want to get you a present off of your registry -guess what? I can ask someone or find a way to get that information easily.  It’s NOT THAT hard.  Use the website solution.  Every single invitation I have received has never had registry info on it.  A few had websites that had it and for the rest, I just asked the couple themselves directly or one of their wedding party.  That’s what they are there for.

 

Post # 45
Member
437 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

View original reply
@Wonderstruck: The idea with printing them out with light gray ink and going over them is fantastic!! I’m totally going to use this, I think…

And I’d want to add postage to every RSVP envelope. It breaks down the barriers for sending them back. LOL!

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