Post # 1
Since we’ve been engaged, a few family members have asked if we want to have children. It’s a pretty common question, and it’s nice that people are interested, but I feel kind of vunerable answering it. I already feel like I’ve said too much by telling a couple people that we hope to have at least one child. One close family member who asked became pregnant shortly after her wedding.
I know God’s plans for us are good, whether or not we have children, biologically or through adoption. That said, I know it’s not an easy road for everyone, and my heart goes out to people who have experienced pregnancy loss, etc. Because of this, I don’t feel like advertising the fact that we hope to have children. I know I should put more trust in God, but I feel less comfortable with the unknown than many people. Were you asked these questions? How did you answer them kindly?
Post # 2
miller15: I just don’t see what’s so uncomfortable/vulnerable about answering these questions nicely. Just say, “if it’s in God’s plan for us, we will have them.” But if you’re trying to answer for yourself and not what you think God wants you to do or has planned for you, just shrug and say, “who knows! I hope so!” Good luck!
Post # 3
I have lots of experience with that question, unfortunately. I’ve taken to seeing, “We’re excited to take this next step of getting married. We’ll start talking about children later!”
I fully plan to say a variation of that now that we’re married too. I don’t feel my fertility is anyone else’s business.
Post # 4
We have been asked this a lot, even before being engaged. I just simply say we love kids and if it’s mean to happen, it will happen. 🙂
Post # 5
You can always just tell them that in the future you’ll see what gifts god is blessing you with.
Post # 6
- Wedding: April 2015 - The Landmark
miller15: Most the time I reply with “If it is God’s will/plan.”
Post # 7
miller15: Very simply. “We hope to, but are not sure when it is in God’s plan for us”.
From reading these boards, you may think that getting and staying pregnant is really hard. Please know, that is not the case. Odds are that within 4 months of trying you will be pregnant and that pregnancy will make it to term. I’ve lost two pregnancies, but I am the exception.
Post # 8
miller15: I’d smile and give an excited “God willing!” Then change the subject. It’s both light & truthful.
Post # 9
I think it’s very thoughtful of you to acknowledge that not every family gets their “wish”.
In regards to your question, I think answering something like “We are open to whatever God has in store for us,” and leave it at that.
Post # 10
I think you’re overthinking this. Just say, “We hope so!” 🙂
Post # 11
We got this question a lot, esp because I’m the oldest in a large family and everyone knows that I love kids. However, we also knew going into our relationship that biological kids might not be an option for us because of health problems that I have. I’ve just told people that we do want a family, but it’s not going to be for awhile yet because we’re enjoying time as a couple first. Now that we’ve been TTC for over a year (like pollywog, we’re an exception to the rule! Most couples get pregnant much earlier!) when people ask, I just tell them that we’d like to have kids eventually, but it’s not for right now and then change the subject.
Post # 12
You say “who know’s” or “we will see!” Frankly it’s no one’s business when you choose to TTC and if you don’t want to share details then don’t.
Post # 13
miller15: All the time. Initially in the newlywed stage I just kind of chuckled and changed the subject, or when people asked “when are you going to have kids?” and I replied with “if we have kids” and again changed the subject. Lately though I’ve been using “whatever will be, will be” or a simple “only time will tell”. I don’t think it’s their business frankly. I’ve only told 3 close friends who I know won’t hound me every month or look at me funny when I order a non-alcoholic drink. In my mind no one else but my Darling Husband needs to know.
Post # 14
miller15: I agree. It’s a personal question. I went into my marriage knowing that kids were off the table. It’s something that only my parents, siblings and best friend knew because again, very personal and sometimes hard. People asked me (and sometimes still do ask) and now I say quite frankly, “I’m not having children.” It is definitely not the response most kind questioners are expecting but it’s true and allows me to move on to other topics quite quickly. 🙂
I do think direct is best. I like what PP’s have suggested – first marriage and then, God willing, a child down the road.
Post # 15
Our chances of conceiving are small to nothing. The few times we thought i was pregnant, I was actually just sick. We have a room of baby furniture and no baby. I can see how these questions are uncomfortable. However, it’s important to understand they don’t come from a place of rudeness or hostility. People probably only ask because they are excited or interested in your life. My reply is always that we are on God’s time, not ours. I can’t fathom anyone arguing with that type of reply. There’s also nothing wrong with saying you’re uncomfortable discussing it. I’m an open and honest person; if you’re feeling awkward discussing such, say so and move on.