Post # 1
My Maid/Matron of Honor and I have been friends since we were 8 years old. I always knew she’d be my Maid/Matron of Honor when I got married, (an untimely arguement kept me from being hers) but now there’s a problem. We recently became friends with another girl, who is getting married in September. The problem is, this other girl has some *ahem* issues, and it ended up that her sister backed out on being her Maid/Matron of Honor, so she asked mine. I don’t have a problem with that, I know my Maid/Matron of Honor can handle it. My only problem is, this other girl has NOTHING planned! She totally isn’t being responsible about planning her wedding. They are 5 months out, and all she has is a dress! No venue, no caterer, no flowers, nothing! Every time I make an appointment to do something wedding-related, she "tags along". I had 2 floral consultations last weekend, and she "tagged along", interrupting me and the florist to ask questions about *her* wedding. I have an appointment in the city on Saturday to look at Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses, and my Future Mother-In-Law is coming along with me and my Maid/Matron of Honor. The other girl wanted to come too, but I told my Maid/Matron of Honor that I wanted it to be just the three of us (her, me and my FMIL), because I really do just want to spend some quality time with Future Mother-In-Law. Other girl needs to start planning her own wedding, and quit piggy-backing off mine! Grah!
Okay, so maybe I just needed to vent. But am I being selfish? Catty? Help!
Post # 3
I agree that during an appointment you set up to discuss your wedding is not the time to ask questions about her own. Maybe she really has no idea how to get started and is looking for some guidance. Perhaps you could give her a list of the vendors you have visited along with their contact info and a quick review? Or even help her set up a few appointments and go along with her? I think I would make my mantra for dealing with her "what goes around, comes around." Karma may be a b*tch but she usually gets it right. 😉
Post # 4
Ugh, no way! She should totally make her own appointments. If you WANT to help her out, you could send her a list of venues you considered. I sent along my spreadsheets after I’d already booked stuff to my friends, just to save them some time/energy. Are you even friends with her? I don’t know that I would want someone not actually involved in my own wedding coming along. It seems so weird!
Post # 5
Ugh, I’d be frustrated too. Especially b/c you’re taking time out of your time to discuss things about your wedding and it shouldn’t be overtaken by someone else. Someone who can easily make her own appointments too! Maybe she does need a little direction so try and help her out, but when she says she’s going to tag along next time, tell her that there’s only enough room for you and your Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 6
We’re friends, but not really close. We only became friends a few months ago. I’ve been trying to give her direction, giving her my bridal magazines, even marking pages with things I think she will like or that are her colors, I’ve even offered to help her decorate on the big day! She’s a sweet girl, I really think she just wants someone else to plan her wedding for her. I keep telling her that’s not how it works, and I talk about how much work planning my wedding’s been, all the choices you have to make, etc… I just don’t think any of it is sinking in. I’m not upset that my Maid/Matron of Honor is also her Maid/Matron of Honor, but she needs to realize that I have my own wedding to plan!
Post # 7
It sounds like she’s overwhelmed by the whole process rather than being one of *those* brides who makes every wedding conversation about their own wedding. I can completely see both sides of this one – I see why you’re frustrated but I see why she thinks she’s not doing anything wrong. My Future Sister-In-Law has placed herself in many of my wedding planning arrangements and I’ve had to remind myself it’s mostly because she’s excited about her own and looking to me for guidance. If I were you, I’d include her and help her as much as you’re able (and willing to, given that she’s not a close friend) but then tell her in honesty that you’re a bit overwhelmed with your own planning and can’t do as much to help her with hers as you’d like. It’s perfectly okay to limit your appointments to family/bridal party and tell her that it’s important for you to have time alone with them.
Post # 8
I think it’s reasonable that you feel this way!
I’m sure she doesn’t mean any harm but it’s stressful enough planning your own wedding, it’s a really uncomfortable feeling when someone else is standing on all your hard work. I would stop talking about your weddings details to her, perhaps until AFTER you attend your appointments. It’s tough love – she needs to learn to do thigns on her own and if she needs help, all she has to do is ask. Sharing the same Maid/Matron of Honor obviously isn’t the problem, like you said before.
I would really try to distance yourself from her for a bit so you can concentrate on your own details. Help her, but don’t plan her wedding for her. I think this will help the tension because if you let it continue….your opinion of her can change and it can possibly turn unpretty.
Post # 9
I like pink parfait’s ideas. Don’t tell her what you’re doing! If she doesn’t know, she won’t tag along. If she asks you a direct question for help, help her. Or direct her to WeddingBee! There are hundreds of us who can help!
Post # 10
I think it is natural for you to feel this way. From what you have said, it seems like she doesn’t want to do anything with the planning, which has nothing to do with being overwhelmed or lost.
I was in a friend’s wedding last year, she had 1 1/2 yrs to plan the wedding. At the beginning of the process, we asked her what type of wedding she wanted, her response was ‘I just want everything to be done and for me to just look pretty’. And that is how it ended up being. Us, the BMs took care of everything, from finding all the vendors, they never even visited with any of them before signing contracts, not even the venue. We called all the meetings, determined the timeline and checklists etc. One of the Bridesmaid or Best Man offered to make their invitations, they only had to provided the ceremony time. Took them 3 months (and 1 month before the wedding) to come up with the ceremony time. And didn’t send out their invites until the day after the RSVP date (2 weeks prior to the wedding). They are good friends and we cared for them dearly and wanted them to have a good wedding, so we planned their wedding for them.
You just need to know that there are brides out there that really don’t care about planning their wedding, and don’t want to do any planning or make any decisions. If they were just lost or overwhelmed, they would have asked for your help for what you have researched etc, and not just tag along.
Post # 11
This situation would drive me insane. Whether this girl is trying to be pushy or not…she is butting in during a very special, very intimate time of your life.
You should have the opportunity to spend time with your family and Maid/Matron of Honor without having to hide your plans from anyone. That’s just ridiculous.
I don’t know what you should do. I mean, on one hand your Maid/Matron of Honor and the girl are obviously close and you don’t want to put your Maid/Matron of Honor in an awkward position but on the other hand you shouldn’t have to baby-sit another bride to be.
It soulds like you’ve already been really sweet to this girl and she’s now taking advantage of your generosity.
Post # 12
you are not being selfish! remember this is YOUR wedding, not hers! you want to have your special times picking out things…talking with consultants and booking wedding necessities!! tell her you need your space making your wedding arrangements…. i guess you could offer to go out with her another time…just not when you are out doing your thing. that’s just RUDE! it’s your special day planning and this isn’t right!
Post # 13
wow what a jerk face… yeah don’t let her tag along with your stuff… i would just not tell her about my appointments… and tell people I tell about to keep it in the downlow