Post # 1
Unfortunately I’m not asking to be removed because I’m engaged but because I’m giving up. Letting it go. Just deciding if I should do it now or after Christmas. Long story short and those who may have followed my posts know…. HE AIN’T READY, probably will never be ready.
The final synopsis:
Been together 3 years, 3 months. This past weekend talked again about the future and he said that to him marriage was entrapment. His parents were miserably married, as is his sister, and his marriage was a failure. He’s just “not there.” In addition, and more metaphorically speaking, he just doesn’t “feel” things like I do. Not as deep – not as emotional. And, I can’t take it anymore.
hard as it is – I deserve someone who can’t wait to be with me (certainly after 3 years).
Now, if you read my recent thread “Tell me if this has happened to you” – you will know that I “met” someone a few weeks ago. Totally by accident. Totally surprised. Totally ridiculous I know but I felt like a train hit me. And, me and this man have communicated and he knows my situation (not details, just the top line). We went out for dinner last night and it was one of the best if not THE BEST date of my life. It was so nice and wonderful and I feel all floaty. Going to take it slow (if possible).
But, him aside, I can’t do this anymore. After last weekend’s conversation, I just can’t take it. I want to stay on the boards for support through this transition. If ya’ll will have me.
But I’m no longer waiting….. and I gotta’ tell you it is a relief. I warned him about it last weekend and I’m either doing it for real now or after christmas. can’t decide. This isn’t fun.
Post # 3
I’m sorry you are in this situation, but it sounds like it all is for the best! Good luck 🙂
Post # 4
I’m sorry about your situation, but why wouldn’t you end things before going on a date with someone else?
Post # 5
@edub: I agree. If you’ve already gone on a date with someone, why aren’t you ending things with your current guy? I think you should end it before the holidays. Especially if he’s already been warned about it.
Regarding your decision, it sounds like you’re making the right choice. And congrats on moving forward, but please remember to take things slow.
Post # 6
If you don’t want to me with him- don’t drag it on just for the sake of Christmas or something else. As much as the situaton stinks for you, and I believe you’re doing the best thing for you, it’s not fair to him that you were out with another man before ending it.
ETA: I just read the other post you mentioned in your first post here. You stated that you were not a cheater- but (and this is just MY opinion) going out with another person while still with your SO is cheating. I know some people just think of cheating as physical, but not me. Again- I do think you’re doing the best thing for you and your feelings by ending it though.
Post # 7
One thing to be careful about with staying on the boards during a transition like this – it can make you rush things with this new guy. I’ve seen a couple of girls on here who end up breaking up with their guy but want to stay on the boards, but constantly reading about engagements and weddings makes them want that, and six months into their new relationship they’re going nuts trying to get the guy to propose – just be careful and don’t let that happen.
Other than that, I agree with others that you should end it now, especially if you’e been on a date with someone else. I did something like this once (granted, it was back in high school) where I sorta but not really ended things with my bf and started seeing someone else unbeknownst to him, and I still feel like crap when I think about it =/ You do deserve someone who is excited about a future with you, so just end things now.
Post # 8
@prshadow: just break up with your bf now. it’s better for you and maybe future guy. if you decide to pursue a relationship with this new guy so you can start on a clean slate with him. and even if you don’t start a relationship with new guy, you’ve already went on a date with him… as pp have said, you don’t want that hanging over your head.
Post # 9
I remember your post you had mentioned on here. I did the samething sorta. Well didn’t go out on a date, but my family set me up with my SO now. I was married at the time him and I started talking. I knew and had known my marriage was over for years, but was afraid to leave my ex Darling Husband due to being controling and abusive. My SO is the best thing that happened to me. I have never been happier or felt this kind of love before. It’s awesome! Girl the bottom line is. You have to do what is best for you and if this new guy makes you happy. More power to you. 3 years is a long time to be with someone. So there is gonna be rough patches I’m sure. I know there was for me, but I was with my ex for a very long time. I seriously would end it now. Since you have gone out on a date with this new guy. I know holidays are a hard time to end a relationship, but it’s gonna hurt one way or another and if your current guy finds out by accident it’s gonna hurt more. So it’s best to end the relationship now. Hang in there. It’ll get better. 🙂
Post # 10
Good for you! You deserve the best in your life and you deserve a man who loves you with everything that he has and wants to spend the rest of his life with you. It’s hard to turn away from a “sure thing” — the comfort and security of a stable, if not perfect, relationship. I applaud you for letting go and moving out. Be strong and know that life always has a funny way of working out. Best of luck to you!
Post # 11
You cheated on him. I find it strange that everyone is cheering for you.
Post # 12
I think you need to break it up now. I agree going to dinner with someone else even while things are rocky with your current s/o is cheating. If you wait and things get heavy with the new guy it is going to look like you broke up with your current boyfriend for the new one. I for sure think you should NOT see the new guy until you are broken up with the current one.
Post # 13
@mwitter80: haha I agree and am thinking the same thing. End things with Guy 1 before going on a date with Guy 2. It seems so clear cut to me.
Post # 14
I think “cheering” is the wrong word. I think it’s more support for the OP in that she’s finally decided what is best for her. I don’t think having dinner with another man was the best idea but I’ve heard worse.
Good luck to you OP. I’m glad that you now know what you need. 🙂
Post # 15
I would def end it with the current guy. You are right, you do deserve to be with a guy that can’t wait to be with you. I would hold off on going out with the new guy again until you have ended things with current guy. Good luck!
Post # 16
@prshadow:please stay on the boards!!! we´ll be your support.!!
i´m not sorry about you ending your current relationship. you´re right! you deserve anything you want in life, and life is short, so enjoy it! i´m glad you met someone new!! everything in life happens for a reason!! nothing ever is coincidence. Enjoy the moment, don´t take life too seriously!! and keep us updated!! if you ever need someone to talk to, i´m here!