(Closed) Take me off the list, I have no business being on it

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
50 posts
Worker bee

@LoveWillLightTheWay:  I’m so sorry to hear how you’re feeling…only because I promise I’ve been in the same place and sort of still there (kind of).

I’m also in my late 20s and my SO is in is early 30s. We just hit the 3 year mark a few months ago and I got the whole wedding bug exactly one year ago. I had the “timeline” talk with him as well…at that point he wasn’t even really thinking about engagement/marriage like I was. It turned into one big meltdown for me b/c he couldnt give me a timeline or the timeline I WANTED to hear (within a year). Well hence to say…it’s been a year and we’re not engaged, but I’m sure it’s coming. And I guess it doesn’t help that I had another tantrum that nearly made him spill all the dets to me To reassure me…

I say that to say…if you truly love this man and know this is the man you can see as your future husband and know he wants the same…just give him some time. Definitely explain to him in the most casual conversed way (b/c I feel when we get TOO serious about these topics they put up a guard) of your wants and why this is so important to you…like being married and starting a family, etc (if that’s want you want of course). If you don’t think it’s worth it then of course do what you have to do. I of course have my mental timeline set if it doesn’t come soon. And you def should too.

good luck hun

Post # 18
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@LoveWillLightTheWay:  I’m glad to see that you are willing to wait out the engagement season.

Based on a lot of posts here as well as my SO, guys are sometimes clueless. Some think that the whole process of preparing for a proposal to actually getting married takes a completely different timing than it actually does. Some thinks that everything (education, finances etc. should be in order first, while others think that everything could be done last minute.

If it is a situation where your relationship took a serious blow and he wants some time to pass by… consider giving him the time. My relationship took a blow and I was expecting time to pass by but my SO kinda gave me a timeline (which was broken) and I panicked (went through some serious palpitations that made me feel sick) because getting married wasn’t on my mind. Give him a lil time. I came around to the thhought.

Some folks here hate to hear about this but I believe you should set a walking timeline in your head.

Post # 19
1268 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1994

Sorry to hear hun. If this a guy you don’t feel you can live without, think long and hard. My husband took over 3.5 years to propose. It was frustrating, but I couldn’t imagine my life without him. I would had been frustrated if we weren’t enaged/married but we did share the same committment, devotion, and life goals. If this guy is one you can live without, walk away so you can find Mr. Right sooner. There really are plenty of fish in the sea.

Post # 22
158 posts
Blushing bee

we had the original conversation in July. SO had no timeline, I followed up in October, still no thoughts. It’s been almost five months and still no timeline. SO said he’s done talking about it. I told so I’m not asking to be married today or tomorrow. I just need to know where this is going.

@LoveWillLightTheWay: My heart hurts just reading this. I can’t give advice on how much longer to wait or know exactly what the best move for you is now, but you absolutely deserve someone who respects your needs for a timeline even if he himself doesn’t need one just yet. It isn’t healthy for you to constantly have the emotional strain of feeling like you’re in limbo. It will wear you down in many ways, make you resentful of him and question yourself. If he cares for your health and mental wellbeing, he will understand the importance of letting you know. It is disrespectful of him not to.

I agree with other bees who have said now is the time to lay your cards out for this man and let him know it’s time to make a decision. Let us know how it goes!

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