Takes forever to respond to my text ?

posted 3 months ago in Relationships
Post # 16
1368 posts
Bumble bee

He’s most likely texting with and seeing other women from the app. You should be doing the same. 

Post # 17
1152 posts
Bumble bee

As a general rule, when I was online dating, I usually didn’t make / accept on the day plans. If he said “let’s hang out again on Saturday”, he needs to follow through with a plan at least the day before, it’s called common courtesy and respect. You have a life. You are not going to keep your day free just because he said let’s hang out with no other specific details. Think about this, would you not do this with your friends? Not including those that sometimes you spontaneously decide to meet on the day, don’t you usually plan ahead and make sure people you’re going to see will actually be available?

So in your situation, he didn’t even message in the morning, it was mid day. For all he knows you could’ve made other plans. But of course he doesn’t really care if he missed out on the opportunity for a date. So this is where you go “I’m doing xyz”. Or, just “having a busy day”. And let him ask when and where if he actually wants to set up a date. If he doesn’t, oh well that’s that then.

Post # 19
87 posts
Worker bee

sarahj1238 :  I know it really sucks,  but you should let this guy go and find someone who acts more interested. I got the same feedback here recently and last night I went out with a great guy. I needed the objective voices of others to tell me the current guy just isn’t acting that interested. 


I see that you realize it and I’m encouraging you to keep trying!

Post # 20
10410 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Is this some kind of generational thing?  Accepting a date on Saturday afternoon for Saturday night?  Unthinkable.

And what is this “hanging out” crap?  Can’t he take you to dinner, for gawd’s sake?

No wonder women are always posting here about being shit on.

You can rail about gender stereotyping until the cows come home, but it won’t change biochemistry. Men are programmed for pursuit. Keep making everything too easy for them, making yourself overly eager; ever available, turn yourself into a Golden Retriever; and he’s just gonna coast until he spots a new shiny object to chase. Ideally, one he will have to work to win.

Once the relationship is launched and you’re a steady thing, then, yeah, that’s the time to meet him halfway and be more accommodating.  Not when you barely know each other.

Men don’t value what comes to them too easily.

Post # 21
6859 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Maybe it is just me, but sometimes I take hours to respond to a text also.  Not everyone has time to get to their phone when a text comes in.  If he has a demanding job, he shouldn’t be on his phone unless he is on a break or not busy.  Most work places frown on personal texting when at work so keep that in mind.  

Post # 22
345 posts
Helper bee

Sassygrn :  Exactly.

How dare he put his job first while he’s working instead of sending personal texts.

It’s understandable to be upset over him not making concrete plans in advance, but getting upset over him taking a few hours to respond to a text is a bit much.

Many are quick to jump to the worst possible assumption, when it sounds like he’s just being a responsible employee.


Post # 23
2625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

sarahj1238 :  I would not be so eager.  I don’t believe in playing games but I also wouldn’t let him think I’m just an available *option* for him at the last minute… 

Post # 24
984 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Ugh, so many games.

If you want to see him, see him. If you’re busy, you’re busy. But there’s no need to pretend you’re busy when you actually want to see him.

Post # 25
2899 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Yes, play games with him, make him chase you, that makes sense . 

Your advice sucks

sassy411 :  

Post # 26
2625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

futuremrs2020 :  I don’t think she is suggesting games per se but saying op should value herself and her time more.  Not making him a priority when he obviously only sees her as a possible (last minute) option, especially as they barely know each other at this point….  

Post # 27
825 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

Your already getting irritated with him that it takes him awhile to text you back. If you get into a relationship with him do you think this will change? I think you would be wasting your time. It’s not worth.

Post # 28
1197 posts
Bumble bee

sarahj1238 :  As someone who used to online date quite a bit. If they take a long time to reply back it’s probably because they’re not fully interested in you. If you guys have only been on 2 dates it could also mean you might not be the only one he’s talking to. Also, if it seems suspicious that he goes silence at a certain time, prime time where he should be home or something like that, it could mean he’s not filly single. 

I used to online date almost exclusively, if someone isn’t fully interested or invested in me, I just stopped trying too. There’s literally plenty of them online, cut your losses and move on before you invested too much time and energy and then it becomes really hard to cut ties when you’re deeper into your feelings.

Post # 29
2924 posts
Sugar bee

You are the most desirable woman in the world, and you are too busy for last minute plans. You are not probably busy. You are not busy with friends. And you are definitely not probably busy with friends. You have plans period. You are busy period. 

It’s not a game. It’s making sure they respect your time enough and are interested enough to plan in advance. 

Post # 30
5871 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

sarahj1238 :  just because he doesn’t yet know if he’s that interested in you doesn’t mean there isn’t room for him to become more interested in you.

When my husband and I were early in our dating life, I would find myself waiting to hear back from him (he was more of a partier than I was and also more casual about communication) and I got sick of myself and my focus on him so I changed his ringtone and text alert to things that were easier for me to miss. It helped put him back in perspective until I knew he was worth all the excitement I was feeling about him.

Personally, when this guy says “Maybe we can make a plan for Saturday.” I would say “Let me know what you have in mind. I might be able to be tempted.” And then even if I didn’t already have plans, on would make CERTAIN to have a plan B so that if I don’t hear back from him, I can move that plan forward and not feel like I’m waiting on him.

My life got pretty full when I was first dating my husband because I was often making plan Bs to avoid hyper focusing on him!

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