Takes forever to respond to my text ?

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Why not just pick up the phone and call him. If he doesnt answer then leave a voicemail, if he doesnt call back then clearly he busy or made others plans. Why wait for a text all day?!?

Post # 32
Member
3245 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

This game playing is so stupid and childish. If you want to hang out with him, hang out with him. Sitting home doing nothing so he “thinks” you’re busy and have a life is ridiculous. What a waste of your weekend when you could actually be out having fun. Anyone who has to play games to get a relationship going is likely not mature enough to be in that relationship.

Post # 33
Member
512 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

Bah. Moving on. He needs to work harder. Keep yourself active until your brain doesn’t have space for worry about him. 

It just feels so much more empowering – when you get to the space where you receive a text, glance at it, and think “oh yeah, him. Eh”

 

Post # 34
Member
3292 posts
Sugar bee

futuremrs2020 :  it might not be what you want to hear, but it sucks a hell of a lot less than your antagonistic and unpleasant attitude. sassy411 :  had a lot of good information in there that you dismissed as game playing. Newsflash: It’s not a game to make yourself not easily available, it’s smart. The best men don’t want what’s easy. You want to be the first choice, not what’s left over.

OP, see more men. Put this guy out of your head. Let him work to get back in your radar. “Maybe we can hang out?” The guy’s not even trying to look enthusiastic. I’d rather go for a walk with my dog.

Post # 35
Member
4376 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Shoot for tomorrow? What the hell does that mean? I would be beyond annoyed and putting him at the end of the line. Boy thinks HES the prize. Keep dating others, don’t be so eager to reply and overshare. He didn’t need to know you have plans with friends for Easter– you have plans, period. They could have been with a date! Keep some mystery in the beginning. GL.

Post # 36
Member
652 posts
Busy bee

He asked you out at the last minute without making concrete plans. Then didn’t respond to your being free by actually setting up the date. Then said maybe the next day. Then when you said maybe next week, he gave you some vague pleasantries. 

It is clear what is going on. He’s more interested in someone else or on the fence about you. You don’t have time for that. You also don’t have time for someone who can’t even ask you out on a proper date. Imagine for a moment that he had a chance to go out on a date with Game of Thrones Emilia Clarke. He would probably lock that down immediately, ask her out on a proper date, be bursting at the seams to ask her out again. He wouldn’t half-assedly kinda sorta make plans with her.

You are someone’s Emilia Clarke, and you’ll know when you have found him because he will be just as thrilled to spend time with you. Stop worrying about this guy and go find him. 

Post # 37
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

sunburn :  “The best men don’t want what’s easy.” Let’s establish what your idea of “best” is because the only men who needed special allure to make me a priority for a date were men who were playing the field themselves. Not exactly the prize pool. Being “smart” sure sounds like a game to me. Ugh to you and your typically insensitive, aggressive attitude.

MiniMeow :  Seriously!!!

sarahj1238 :  I think you should be able to be as honest and as “boring” as you want to be. If a guy wants you to give him time, he’ll jump at the chance to take any time slot he can, so another guy can’t. I totally agree with talking to more than one person during the dating phase. Maximize results. If he can’t make the days you’re free, don’t wait on him. Unless he’s good at sticking to plans.

Post # 38
Member
1142 posts
Bumble bee

Why is it playing games if she says she’s busy? She could be busy reading. Watching Netflix by herself. While eating ice cream and cuddling with her dog / cat. Sounds like the perfect plan to me. She can make plans that doesn’t involve other people. That’s not playing games or lying. That’s just “I prefer my own company rather than accepting a last minute date because I was an after thought”. Can a person not thoroughly enjoy their own company? Do you require the presence of other people to “have fun” or do stuff or just have a generally enjoyable weekend?

Sure, she may want to go on a date with him…provided he’s actually genuinely interested. Which his actions indicate he’s not. Let’s be honest, a guy that couldn’t wait to see you again after those first two fantastic dates, are not going to leave it to the day of, and say “let’s shoot for tomorrow”. She said maybe next week and he didn’t even try to offer up an alternative date. So yea, that’s all she need to know.

Post # 39
Member
1330 posts
Bumble bee

missyjz :  ” Why is it playing games if she says she’s busy?”

It’s playing games because she isn’t actually busy with specific plans to do any of those things, and she’s just telling him she’s busy in order to get him to “chase” her. That’s pretty much the textbook definition of “game-playing” in dating. It may be good to play games, or it may not be good. But it’s still playing games. 

hungrymeow :  “Ugh to you and your typically insensitive, aggressive attitude.” +1000

Post # 40
Member
1330 posts
Bumble bee

OP, you’ve been on two dates with this guy. Just because he’s not crazy about you right now (apparently) doesn’t necessarily mean anything bad–people who end up together longterm weren’t always head over heels after two dates. It’s okay for him to not be as into you as you’re into him; he barely knows you. It would be nice if he were a bit less wishy-washy and would make specific plans (and I think it’s rude and immature when people act as he is), but he’s not that into you [yet!]. He CAN be, though, if you guys go out again and get to know each other better. I wouldn’t write him off, but I wouldn’t stop dating other guys either. 

Post # 41
Member
1048 posts
Bumble bee

He’s just not that into you. If he was he would be jumping at the opportunity to see you again, not leaving you hanging after suggesting dates and then failing to make concrete plans.

Also, I very much disagree that you need to make yourself less available for “the best men”, the best man for you is one that has equal (or more) interest and puts in equal effort. If you have to play games by pretending you’re busy or by purposely delaying your replies to texts to keep him interested it’s not worth it. If he was that interested he would be pushing harder to see you and making more regular contact. 

Games are for players, don’t fall into that trap, forget about him and find someone who thinks you’re amazing and can’t wait to talk to you and see you. You deserve better than someone who is half arsed about you and that’s what this guy is. 

Post # 42
Member
884 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I agree with all of the posters who said to make yourself less available. The easiest way to do this is to actually be less available. Date two to three people at once. Pick up a new hobby. Join a club. If you have a lot going on, it will prevent you from getting overly focused on one person. 

Post # 43
Member
339 posts
Helper bee

sunburn :  Fully agree with sunburn and sassy. It’s NOT playing games to establish very early days in the relationship how you’ll allow yourself to be treated. Don’t jump through hoops for someone acting only lukewarm to you. Not texting you back for a few hours is perfectly fine, I do that myself when I’m busy- whether it’s work or plans wtih family or friends or being at the gym etc. But texting you back something that amounts to a ‘yeah maybe I’ll let you know if I’m busy’, hell no sweetie. You set the bar higher for yourself, it’s about self-respect, it’s not game playing. 

Post # 44
Member
1048 posts
Bumble bee

crustyoldbee :  Why continue to entertain someone who you feel isn’t treating you well and is acting lukewarm to you though? You’re just stooping to their level by making up pretend plans and ignoring their message for a few hours, it’s immature and it is game playing 100%. I’ve done it in the past a fair bit when I was younger (and didn’t know any better) and it’s pointless, it’s not going to make them any more interested in you, and if it does it’s only temporary since they weren’t that interested to begin with if they’re behaving like that. 

Post # 45
Member
755 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I used to play these games until I met my FH. All of a sudden a guy checks in on time, makes solid plans with me and makes me feel like I’m his priority. My point is, if a guy isn’t treating you like that then he isn’t worth the head space. He will make the time if he is truly interested

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