Takes forever to respond to my text ?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 61
Member
1069 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

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sunburn :  Sure, but this thread is about dating and you’re up in here acting like the grand dame, giving advice about how to get a ring out of man when OP has been on 2 dates . . .

And no, you’ve not answered what you term an “easy” woman, which is really what’s throwing what logic you’ve shared out of whack. I’m just going to chalk it up to foot-in-mouth disease. 

“. . . to make sure you have a full life.”

“Because having lived with a man and raised a man from infancy to adulthood, what would I know about men?”

-_-

I know my husband, too, and all the other men I’ve dated whom were very happy to find me available to them. 

Post # 62
Member
6170 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

Can’t we all just get along?😋 Every opinion is valid.

OP, like a pp said, keep us updated!

Post # 63
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee

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sarahj1238 :  him saying he was gonna go meet up with friends at 10:30 when you were on a freaking DATE was disrespectful as fuck. that was him looking for an early-out excuse because he clearly wanted to be anywhere else but on the date. him giving you vague-ass plans just further reinforces that he wants to keep having these easy-outs…”let’s shoot for tomorrow”=“let me see if something better presents itself for me between now and that time; if not, I guess I’ll toss you a couple of hours of my time and attention…but you know I’m busy, so something might pop up even if we’re together tomorrow so you can’t be mad if I have to cut things short again”. he’s priming you to understand his excuses less than 3 dates in…he’s bad news.

 

please don’t make a fool of yourself by making this guy a priority when he seems to barely even be keeping you as an option…cut your losses and keep your dignity.

Post # 64
Member
415 posts
Helper bee

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happiekrappie :  Exactly! This is not about playing games it’s about respect. Someone who wants to date you will make solid plans. I’m not against being available and going on a date with a person on the same day they ask. To me that’s not the issue. The issue is that he won’t commit to a plan whether it’s 5 days in advance or the same day. That tells you you’re his back up plan and he’s not not that serious. And that’s okay, you can still date him but don’t put all your eggs in one basket. You should be dating other people!

Post # 65
Member
11153 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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hungrymeow :  

You do you, Bee.  If it’s working for you, perfect!

But, I do wonder what makes you feel the need to insert words into other Bees’ posts that simply are not there.  

Post # 66
Member
2046 posts
Buzzing bee

A bit of an aside, but when I was single I had some days where I was so tired from working and on my days off dating so many guys (sometimes 5 per week!) from online meetups that I declined dates because I was too busy with my own plans of laying on the couch watching netflix.

Has no one else been busy doing nothing before? It’s a legitimate thing 

I wasn’t playing games- I was a busy person and I didn’t forget to pencil myself in lol! 

When I declined I didn’t say why because I didn’t owe them that info. It was a great way to put myself first and dump the last-minute, half-assed guys who couldn’t get it together like OP’s clown.

And it was a non-issue for my current bf because he always made plans in advance with me. If he didn’t, he would have been out of the running and replaced with a new guy 

Post # 67
Member
2046 posts
Buzzing bee

It’s not playing games to decline a date, whether you have plans to meet up with others or not. It’s called having standards.

There were many times I would rather stay home and do my own thing than go on a date with someone who wasn’t impressing me.

I chose MY happiness first, and if going on a date with someone didn’t make me happy, I would stay home or do something else instead.

It has nothing to do with playing games. You don’t owe the guy an explanation for declining. And you don’t have to be meeting up with other people to have plans. Sometimes my plans are to stay home all day. Those are still plans and I may be too busy doing that to meet up with someone if I so choose

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hungrymeow :  

Post # 68
Member
13717 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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happiekrappie :  Exactly. It’s one thing to have an automatic out by planning a lunch date or drinks. But someone who cuts a one one one evening short to see his friends is either clueless or sending a message that he’s less than interested. 

The vague plans would be a deal breaker all by themselves. This is about self respect, which is not at all old fashioned. Two dates in anyone you have to lecture to get to do the right thing is just not worth it, OP, I promise. Save yourself the headache. 

Post # 69
Member
985 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

 

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neverbeenstungbee :  

There’s a difference between declining a date because the guy doesn’t meet your standards (in terms of response time etc.) and pretending you’re busy so that he’ll suddenly treat you better.

No one is saying that it’s a problem to have standards.

What several of us are saying is that the “games” are unproductive. If he’s not going to treat you well when you’re honest, he’s not worth pursuing through dishonesty either. If you like to relax at home on the weekends, there’s no point in pretending to be super-busy in order to seem more impressive; you’ll just end up with someone who’s a bad match because they like to be out and about all the time while you’d prefer to spend some nights in. The goal is to find a guy who likes you for who you are, not who for who you’re pretending to be.

Post # 70
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee

There are a lot of men who will accept a date even if they have mild interest. There are a lot of men who will answer a text or a phone call because they have mild interest. Those men are not setting up standard dates when they ONLY have mild interest. 

Sure, you could take the lead, but in a lot of cases all that will get you is a lot of men with MILD interest and usually it goes nowhere, and now you have wasted the time you could have used finding someone with more interest. Sure, you could accept vague invitations and be available at the last minute, but again that only demonstrated the man has mild interest and it wastes time you could have used finding someone with more interest. 

I’ve done a LOT of dating, and there have been multiple men who consistently messaged me and asked me out on dates, but were vague and last minute about it. I never pursued anything with them, and the more I got to know them the more my first impression bore out – they were mildly interested in dating or in dating me, and if I had let myself get carried away and focused on them I would have been in a world of hurt. 

Post # 71
Member
793 posts
Busy bee

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hungrymeow :  I’m confused by your post. You talk about maintaining mystery and intrigue but that’s not what anyone is saying. I’m not advising OP to act like some aloof femme fatale to get men grovelling at her feet, I’m advising her to set standards of self respect for herself that won’t let men treat her shabbily. 

 

Post # 72
Member
3971 posts
Honey bee

This thread took a strange turn…

i personally didn’t think it was that strange for him to respond 5 hours later when he actually gave an excuse, but I also don’t think OP needs a reason to decline going out.

i also don’t think you need to be unavailable to get a guy.  

Post # 73
Member
2046 posts
Buzzing bee

We can agree to disagree. I get what you’re saying, but it’s healthier to have your own life outside of waiting around for a date, not playing games. It doesn’t matter what you’re busy doing.

If you live your life not accepting last minute dates, chances are the guys you date will know you for exactly who you are because they are making the time to see you and get to know you better because they are respecting your time, which mirrors your own respect for your time. So there’s no issues there

If I were dating, I still would not respond to a text with things like “oh not doing anything I don’t have any plans” because surely there’s something interesting going on that you can share. Even if I was doing something mundane, I always found something comical about it to talk about or something I was looking forward to in order to spark an interesting conversation. Which is honest and not game playing.

Personally, I always found it more attractive when guys would engage me in a similar way- “right now I’m just cooking a chicken and trying not to burn the house down lol!” Or something like that where he might not be falsely portraying himself as Mr. Social, always out and about, but he’s making good conversation out of something that could have been “not doing much. Slow day.”

But I digress lol. 

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BookishBee :  

Post # 75
Member
9561 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

in my experience.  i learned that if a guy is into you, you will know.  there will be no question, no wishy washy, it will be quite clear.

 

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