@redsmarties: I could have written your post.
We are pretty much at that point right now. We’re on Cycle 12 so almost a year of trying and we are nowhere ready to start monitored and/or medicated cycles. Heck, Darling Husband isn’t even ready to start fertility testing yet…Like you, we believe that it may not be in God’s timing for us to get pg yet. It will happen for us when He is ready. We’re both fairly young (DH – 30; me -26), so we’ve got some time.
We are taking the month off. We were both pretty bummed and emotional again last month when that cycle didn’t work. Our disappointment coincided with finding out that another couple we know at church is having baby #3 in 3 years–they’re the ones who keep asking us if we’re pg, so that didn’t help things. I know elchalten has a way more mature way of looking at this as being an individual journey and I wish I was as zen as she is about it, but I pathetically can’t seem to get over being jealous of other people’s pregnancies and comparing to them.
Anyways, I was emotional/mad/jealous/stressed, so I quit temping during AF. I couldn’t believe how great that felt. Honestly. It was like a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. I forgave myself and my body, and I felt so FREE. So I decided not to temp at all this cycle. I’ve had moments of doubt when I keep wanting to go back to temping and obsessing, mostly because I kept thinking, “What if it’s this month? If its a BFP, I deserve that chart. What if I don’t get to see that beautiful BFP chart after all these months of caring and trying?” I’ve fought through those few days and now I realize that it’s all vanity. If I get a BFP this cycle without charting, I will be so happy that I won’t care if I did chart it or not. Really though, the break from charting has been wonderful. I don’t have to go to sleep wondering about my temperature, and then go through the day worrying about that temperature, and input it and compare to last month and the month before.
We’ll still be BD during my fertile window, but it’s more of a NTNT approach than hardcore TTC. Our decision to take a break is also coupled with another reason: Now that it’s taken this long already, we would almost prefer not to get pg in the next month or two, so that we could travel to Switzerland for a good friend’s wedding in December. Not happening if I’m 7 or 8 months pregnant!! However, we would gladly give up the trip if it was for a good reason like a baby. I’m not sure if we will go back to temping, etc. once the two months are up…I guess we will have to cross that bridge once we get there.
I guess I haven’t gone through a grieving process yet, because in my head we are still TTC, but with a more relaxed approach. If it actually came to stopping TTC, I know I will/would definitely be grieving and I don’t know really how to get through that. In my head I’ve thought about adoption if we can’t conceive, but my heart would absolutely be broken and I know that I would definitely struggle to come to grips that we may never have our own child.
These are my jumbled thoughts. I wish you all the best with your decision. Many prayers and much love. xoxoxoxoxo
Also, this is from BabyCenter.com and I thought it’s kind of consoling. Maybe we are just some of the 85-95% of couples that it takes a lot longer to get pg. http://www.babycenter.com/0_how-long-it-takes-to-get-pregnant_1813.bc) (Of all couples trying to conceive, here’s about how long it takes:
- 30 percent get pregnant the first cycle (about one month)
- 59 percent get pregnant within three cycles (about three months)
- 80 percent get pregnant within six cycles (about six months)
- 85 percent get pregnant within 12 cycles (about one year)
- 91 percent get pregnant within 36 cycles (about three years)
- 93 to 95 percent get pregnant within 48 cycles (about four years)
My aunt and uncle tried for 4 years before they conceived #1 (without testing or assistance) and they went on to have six other beautiful children in a relatively short period of time, so that still gives me hope!