Post # 46
I believe in taking time to yourself, to gather your thoughts and regroup, but you are either together or you are not. If you have been fighting and can’t communicate well, a little while of allowing each other space (specifically to not have to communicate) is fine I think. But you are still a couple.
Post # 47
llevinso: Taking a break is breaking up. The end.
Post # 48
llevinso: I don’t believe in “breaks” normally its one person reason to go around and explore while the other is still confused about what happened. In my opinion I feel the minute you go on a break you’re emotional connection is gone and more than likley when you throw the words “take a break” or “need a break” it means, I’m not strong enough to tell you it’s over so give me a couple days to muster up the courage to tell you this.
Post # 49
jcent: That’s exactly how I feel. I think it’s fine if you need some space/time to yourself without talking/seeing the other person. But to me that doesn’t mean you’re taking a “break.” You’re still together. You’re still a couple. You just need some alone time.
Post # 50
llevinso: yup, and not months, lol. If your break last more than I week, I would say you are broken up.
Post # 51
For me, taking a break means you mutually agree not to see anyone else during this time. But you seperate and gather yourself together. Sometimes this is needed. For instance, if a peron is dealing with severe mental illness and is entering an intense therapy, or if your SO has fallen into drug use and needs help, or something to that effect.
I don’t believe in breaks for people to be like, “Well, I’m not sure about this guy, so I’m gonna go see if there is anyone else better out there. If not, I guess I’ll stick with this person!” No.
Post # 52
llevinso: I think “taking a break” means that you will get back together, that you need some time apart but are still loyal to each other (no sleeping with/seeing other people). However anyone who I’ve seen “take a break” from their SO has eventually broken up in the end. I personally don’t believe in taking a break – if you need a break from the person you’re supposed to be in love with/want to spend time with I think you’re doomed. I think once you get to the point of needing a break you should really just break up for good. I’ve never understood the couples who are on again-off again.
Post # 53
I have a friend whose now husband asked for a ‘break’ for a couple of months so he could basically see other people as they’d been in a relationship since they were 16 and he wanted to sow some wild oats. She told him in no uncertain terms they were either together or they werent, he couldn’t just get a free pass and come crawling back a few months later! I think when this kind of “break” happens it’s bloody doomed – why would you want to sleep around and then come back together? That’s not what a relationship is built on!
However, I guess the exception to the rule is more along the lines of a trial seperation – perhaps when a couple is married or has a lot of shared assets together and just need some time out ALONE to figure things out. That’s a whole different kettle of fish as the emphasis is having time with yourself in order to get a fresh perspective on your relationship, not party and sleep around like you’re single!
Post # 54
herrera2016: LOL was looking for the Ross & Rachel we were on a break! thing. But yes, agreed with most that the times I’ve gone on a “break” was with an ex when we were both too scared to say we should break up. I feel like this happens a lot less as people get older.
Post # 55
I don’t believe in breaks, you’re either together or you’re broken up. “Breaks” are trying to have both at the same time, and it’s just not possible. I agree with PPs that disengaging from a relationship won’t fix any of its problems. In most cases, you need to spend even MORE time together, and have more communication.
That said, I think that taking time for yourself can be a really positive thing, even going on a trip by yourself. But the key is “by yourself.” Once you start looking around at new partners, why would you want to go back to a relationship that needs all this work?
Post # 56
Post # 57
The only difference is leaving a more open possibility to getting back together after seeing if the time apart was due to other things. But it’s still a break up.
Post # 58
llevinso: In general, I think that there is no break – there is together or broke up.
However, I don’t get to make the relationship rules up for everyone else. If a couple decided that they want to have a “break” and that it’s not the same as being broken up, then that’s up to them. But if you do so without explicitly negotiating what the heck a break means….DRAMA and I don’t even feel bad for you.
So if Ross & Rachel is the model…Ross was totally right. THEY WERE ON A BREAK!
Post # 59
IMO there is no such thing is “taking a break” in a relationship. Either you can work it out or not. This is not a test drive. I say this from experience. I am a former bee that has been gone from the boards about a year and a half. The “break” my x-FI wanted to take was actually so he could set up an apartment to screw around with his x-girlfriend and didn’t want me around (or even knowing where it was…duh, I knew). He had changed his behavior months before and things were incredibly confusing for me. But, the day I found the text messages on our shared cell phone account to and from a “guy at work” about his menstral cycle and where the nearest sex toy store was it was over. Done. The welcome mat says scram. I verified before I exorcized him from my life. He never even responded. This was the man that had lived with me as a family for 6 years. Even the day he was texting her, he was texting me that he missed me an loved me. I was plan B.
We had boundaries set. Agreed to now seeing others or speeling with others. Obviously I was the only one that was playing by the rules. Never again.
A year and a half later, I am back having met a wonderful man that makes this evil POS look exactly like what he was. No breaks.
Either you want to be with me or you don’t. If you don’t then move on and do your thing. No breaks. We work together as a team or there is no team. Just my opinion.