Post # 1
I originally told my two bridesmaids and maid of honor they could really wear whatever they wanted as long as it was knee length and purple. I thought that was perfect because then a) I don’t have to deal with picking something and b) they’ll be happy with what they wear/spend.
Now my sister (maid of honor) has shown me two very, uh sexy options she wants to wear. I don’t really approve of anything that revealing. My other friend has shown me some very matronly styles she wants to wear because of her religion she can’t wear anything without sleeves. I don’t want to say anything to her about it, but she was literally just in a wedding where she wore a short, strapless dress. My other friend has decided she wants to sew her own dress.
I kind of feel like they’ve taken advantage of the fact that I said they could wear what they wanted within reason. I almost want to just pick something out and ask them to go order it. My religious friend can wear a sweater over it if she doesn’t feel comfortable.
What would you do? I hate to come off as such a picky bridezilla, but I don’t want my photos to have shots of us looking random and out of place. We’re spending way too much on photography and I want things to look great.
Post # 3
I don’t think I would mind letting your religious Bridesmaid or Best Man a more covered up dress (even if she wore a strapless one recently, unless the covered up one is super ugly), but I definitely would say something about the revealing dress– that’s not appropriate. I actually had a dream the other night that one of my BMs was trying to wear a bedazzled ivory mini skirt! lol
So maybe you could say something like, “Oh its a lovely dress (or skip that part) but I don’t think it goes with the feel/style of our event/ the look I’m trying to achieve with the wedding/ whatever excuse you can think of. I was thinking something more like this. What do you think? Ok great, I’ll show the other BMs and maybe we can order it soon.”
Post # 4
The one my religious friend said she likes is similar to this…http://www.totallymodest.com/mA017.html. Even though I asked for knee length and I know there’s nothing in her religion that says she can’t wear knee length.
Post # 5
Yikes! I would say choose a dress for them. Just tell them the truth. Its not unreasonable to not want them to look like polar opposites. Or at least give them some stricter guidelines
Post # 6
If you said knee length, maybe find something knee length that’s a little more modest, and say something like, “I know because of your religion, you’d like to be a little more covered up, but the dress you picked is not knee length. So I was thinking something more like this. I’d like all the girls to somewhat match.”
Or you could say something like, “I like this dress (which ever you choose) for all the BMs, and look, I found this cute sweater that matches since I know you want to be a little more covered due to your religion.”
Basically, make it clear that you’re respecting her religious views, but also, you have a right to say no on the dress that she chooses.
Would you be mad if she stepped down as a BM? You could say something like, “I understand if, due to your religion, you won’t be comfortable wearing something like this. So if you need to step down, I understand and will not be hurt/ no hard feelings.”
Post # 7
@JenniMichele: Oh yeah those are good ideas! Thank you so much. Seriously I suck at knowing how to word difficult conversations.
I would be pretty upset if she stepped down. She’s one of my best friends and I love her to death. It’s just she’s gotten more religious and I have to love that part of her too. I guess we need to come to a compromise.
Post # 8
instead of letting them choose anything they want. you should choose a variety of dresses you like and then let them pick from your selection.
Post # 9
I am allowing th same thing, but I told them they had to get them from Alfred Angelo, because it has the color I am doing, so that saved me from someone telling me they were gonna make their own dress, and Alfred Angelo’s dresses are pretty but not too revealing in my opnion.
Post # 10
I did the same thing for my bridesmaids, but they had the exact opposite reaction! Most of them haven’t bought anything yet because they aren’t sure if it’s what I want…
But, these are your best friends, so you can be completely honest and let them know you aren’t happy with their selections. I would then offer to go shopping with them so you can help them pick something out.
@JenniMichele: I love the bedazzled mini-skirt! I know my one bridesmaid would show up in that just to piss me off! And then promptly change into something acceptable once I told her I wouldn’t speak to her ever again. (We have a weird dynamic in our friendship).
Post # 11
Pick something yourself and remember that you have power to veto anything you don’t like. Also be aware that not everyone is comfortable in knee length dresses, regardless of their religion. At the same time, I don’t believe that a woman who says her religion forbids sleeveless/strapless should be forced under any circumstances to wear a strapless dress, even if she will have a thin strip of fabric to cover her shoulders (which may not even work) simply because a stranger on the internet doesn’t think that anything other than strapless should be worn to a wedding as an attendant. If you browse wedding pictures online, there are countless pictures of varying types of bridesmaid dresses and everyone should be comfortable in what they are wearing, even if it is a different style. But under no circumstance should it be revealing skin that doesn’t need to be seen.
Since you are insisting on knee length, ask the religious girl if there is anything on the site you posted that fits your requirements that she likes and feels comfortable in. Also, she will need to try them on in person before buying anything.
Post # 12
I’m not insisting my friend where strapless. I don’t really care what she wears as long as it is reasonable and coordinates with what everyone else is wearing. I realize there are lots of weddings that have bridesmaids wearing various styles of dress. That’s actually kind of one of the reasons I originally told them they could wear what they want. My friend and I looked at some dresses at the beginning of my engagement and she actually said she liked strapless 🙁 It just feels like they’re all taking advantage of something meant to be simple.