Post # 1
This is going to sound ridiculous, I’m sure, but I do actually need help.
How does a girl “take care of herself?” I’m trying very hard to use Mr. Bee’s plan and I’m having a hell of a time with this waiting nonsense. I had a huge slip up recently, but oh well. When we fall what can we do but get back up and keep going?
So part of the plan is to take care of yourself. Sounds easy yes? For me, it’s not. It’s just not something I understand at all. I’m terrible at taking care of myself, always have been. I got this in part from my mother. I grew up watching her act like a kicked puppy and changing everything about herself and our home to try and keep her cheating ex-husband from leaving her. Even today, in her 40’s, she still has not learned to care for herself. I mean it when I say the only thing she does for herself is trim her hair once or twice a year. Very bad example from her!
I really need to do something because the resentment I have for my guy is eating and me and we are fighting about getting engaged, which I think is a silly thing to fight about!
So, anyway, how does a lady take care of herself? Keep in mind I’m an unemployed college student with serious health problems and limited energy. I can tell you, if I had the $$$$ I would get massages at least once a month.
Post # 3
@Tunacupcakes: Well, I have recently started taking long bubble baths at night. I add in a little soaking salt. I bought all the “ingredients” for my baths at CVS so it was pretty cheap. Also, I want to try meditation.
Post # 4
I love Queen Helene’s Mint Julep face mask…it’s like $3 for a HUGE tube at drug stores and it is the most heavenly feeling mask ever. It’s minty and cool and refreshing and your skin will feel so soft afterwards. Every time I put it on I can literally feel the stress leaving my body.
However, I don’t think “taking care of yourself” necessarily has to mean only stuff to do with baths/beauty/pampering. To me it just means nurturing the things that make you YOU. Read a new book. Throw yourself into your school work and make the Dean’s List (if you aren’t on it already). Learn to knit. Bake a cake. Have a girls-only movie night. Take up yoga. Wear your favorite fancy dress around the house for the hell of it. Learn to wiggle your ears. Do anything that makes you feel good that has absolutely nothing to do with your partner or your relationship or getting engaged. It’s like getting over a breakup…you have to rediscover YOU and your goal is to replace the empty breakup feeling with all the other good things in your life, and to forget about your ex. Your goal now is to replace the resentment and the NEED to get engaged and to forget about engagement. It sounds tough but trust me, it’s possible. Good luck!
Post # 5
DOn’t know if this is something you do already, but i re-took up running when i was in the waiting phase. When i got extra frustrated or close to a meltdown re: proposal, I’d go for a long run…for me, my mind always goes absolutely blank when i run, and i’d always feel amazing about myself afterwords (even if i didn’t have a good run, i could always be happy that i went).
I also am a massive manicure/pedicure whore – i get them at least once a week…suuuuper hard on the budget, but its just an indulgence of mine.
Post # 6
@ScarletBegonia: I get them every other week, so I know what you mean.
I think it just means focus on being the you that you want to be.
Post # 7
I am not exactly sure what you are looking for, but have you tried yoga? It helps me quiet my mind, buld strength, and confidence. It really does. Climbing is another great one. Find things in your life you love- for me it is playing guitar and singing. I do it everyday. Maybe it could be riding your bike for fun or making or baking something healthy for yourself every once in awhile. Do you enjoy making art?
Post # 8
@helenberrycrunch: “I think it just means focus on being the you that you want to be.”
OP, I think it means, if you want to do something, do it because you want to do it. If you want to work out to get in shape, do it for yourself. If you want to go out with a friend (given that you can afford it), do it. If you want to buy a new book for yourself, do it. Don’t always put his needs/opinions/emotions/BS ahead of your own– sometimes it is ok to put yourself first, and don’t feel guilty about it.
Post # 9
I really like everone’s suggestions. Actually most of what has been suggested are things I love. I like making art, but I have no $$$ for supplies. Everything I want falls under that problem. I love yoga…. classed are expernsive. I’ve always wanted to play guitar…. no $$$ for a guitar. I do understand that it’s not so much the physical, as in getting manicures-it’s more about the emotional and mental. But… it just does NOT come naturally to put myself first. It just feels like this weird thing that i dont really “get”. It always feels selfish. I mean, I feel guilty if I go out for chocolate without my SO and don’t bring him some back. I’m really going to try and work on my financial situation. I really appreciate all the ideas. So many things facinate me, I just got to figure out how to do some things.
Post # 10
@Tunacupcakes: You can do yoga at home for free! Look online for videos to follow. I’ve had this open in a tab forever, I haven’t looked at it in depth but I’m pretty sure it’s free…21 days of yoga lesson videos right there for you. And the only thing you really need is a mat so that you don’t slip around, and you can get those for pretty cheap at places like Marshall’s, Burlington, Gabe’s, etc. If they use blocks in the videos you follow, use a sturdy box or a stack of books. If they use straps/bands, use a belt or a tie or scarf. Yoga doesn’t require a bunch of fancy crap.
Instead of going out for a manicure, could you give yourself one at home? Take an hour to soak your hands, rub some lotion on them, trim and file your nails, and paint them a pretty color that you already own or can borrow from a friend. Light a candle and put on your favorite CD while you do it…instant spa experience.
You can do so many things for yourself without spending a dime…trust me, I worked a shit job and made <$200/month for almost a year (and literally spent that entire amount on food and transportation each month, so it was like having no money at all) and with a little resourcefulness I was able to occupy myself all the time! It sort of became fun after a while, to figure out what to do each evening only using the things that I already had.
I totally know what you mean about feeling guilty about going out with friends without SO…I still stuggle with this, to be honest. I feel the need to constantly be texting him funny things I saw, or when we’re headed home, or whatever. Or I bring him home some food from wherever we went. Or I end up just talking about him constantly to whomever I’m out with. No advice for how to deal with that though as I’m still doing it myself!
Post # 11
I do my own nails – free. I recently changed my hairstyle. I am focusing on my career (ex. revamped my CV, attended a few workshops this week, etc).
Since you are in college, can you join a new club? Play intramural sports? Volunteer? Find an internship?
Post # 12
Does your University offer discounted or free classes/ workshops/lectures/trips? If they have a gym, they might have yoga .
Post # 13
@mxpinky: Those are great ideas. I’m actually trying to get the courage to volunteer in the children’s unit at the hospital near me. I’m just so very worried about over exerting myself and running myself down with my chronic fatigue.
A school club might be nice. Actually, I would love to start one. I’ve always been interested in veganism and raw food and there isn’t a club for that at my school!
@wifeofbath: I’m actually only at a community college. None of the classes are free and there isn’t really a gym. The do have yoga classes, but they are credit classes I would have to spend $$ for. It may be an option though.
I actually live on the campus of a university that is about 40 minutes from my school. There is a gym there, but the membership is $30 a month for a non student and that’s the same as the 24 hour fitness just down the street.
Post # 14
@Tunacupcakes: I learned yoga with nothing but my body (duh cbee) and youtube.
And you can always just draw. Watercolor is a great option too (when you have a litte $ to spend) because the supplies can be relatively less expensive than …say… oil paints.
I also recommend joining a club- just going once a month can positively influence you.
Post # 15
@Tunacupcakes: Do things that make YOU happy. Are there things that you’d like to do or places you’d like to go that your b/f isn’t too fond of? Go without him! Have a girls night… Go dancing, etc. I find that helps the self-esteem a lot. Cuz let’s face it, after you’ve been waiting for so long, your self-esteem starts fading a little. Go out dancing and let guys hit on you. You don’t have to do anything, just enjoy the ego boost 🙂
You could go shopping, take up a yoga class (or any other fitness class… I recommend pole dancing lessons. They’re SO MUCH FUN, especially when you go with a bunch of girlfriends). The possibilities are endless!
Post # 16
@Tunacupcakes: I know what you mean. My mom never took care of herself growing up so I grew up with the same mentality. Its something that I am working on though.
Working on me means that I am focusing on who I am. I take a walk or go to the gym everyday (gym membership=$10/month).I go window shopping. I live near the city and once a week the yoga studio offers a community class. You make a $5 donation and you get a full yoga class. Score! I DVR my favroite shows during the week and watch them on the weekends. The SO can join me if he would like 🙂 I meet my friends for coffee occasionally. And this summer I plan on volunteering for habitat for humanity. Im really excited.
I dont have a lot of money either right now. But doing little things that makes ME happy is important. Because when I am happy….the SO is happy 🙂