- 6 years ago
- Wedding: March 2013
I always thought I would change my surname when I married, to my husband’s name. It never really crossed my mind to do anything else.
And whenever Fiance and I had talked (when he was just “BF”), I said I’d change my name to his when we married and he really wanted me to (and still does). My original plan was to make my maiden name a second middle name (and if we have children, it will be their second middle name, too).
But, the more I think about it, the more uneasy I feel.
I’ll be 27-years-old when I marry, so I’ve had a lot of time with my surname. It’s unusual and so far, there’s only one boy to carry it on and he’s four-years-old. Otherwise, my family line will die out.
And I’ve established myself in my two jobs with my last name and it’ll actually take six months for it to change at my work places (e-mail, paperwork, etc.). Many women who marry don’t change it at our work places. Furthermore, many people address me by my last name. It just sticks, for some reason.
For lack of a better phrase, I’m really attached to it.
Yet, there’s another reason. I’m really ashamed of this reason. It kills me to even type it out.
I don’t want to be associated with his family.
I’m really not…that fond of them. I’ve written about my horrid Future Father-In-Law. FI’s Grandpa is nice, but has his moments, too. His extended family is…different. Not nice, but not not nice. Whenever they say, “You’ll be one of us soon,” it’s more…cult-like, they’ll own me and I’m no longer associated with my family. They feel that their clan is “it” (many who married in slowly lose contact with their families) even though Future Father-In-Law feels only blood family is true family… It’s confusing.
I know that I’ll be a part of their family, regardless of taking their name, but taking their name makes it so…final. Silly, I know.
Plus, I’ve had so many people tell me that it’ll be weird not to address me by my last name and that my name is so pretty and I shouldn’t change it. It’s amazing how many people seek me out to tell me this.
I’ve thought about hyphenating, but Fiance isn’t thrilled with that. Plus, my last name would then be 15 letters long and I can barely fit my whole name as it is into applications with the pre-designated box spaces.
I know this is a choice for me and me alone to make. I just needed to finally type it out and get it out there. It’s really been bothering me. I literally woke up in a panic last night thinking it about it, working its way into a dream.
Fiance has been working 14 hour days and is being treated poorly at his job, so I haven’t wanted to bring it up. I will, but just not yet.