Post # 1
this topic has come up a few times in conversation with my Fiance….
MY POINT OF VIEW: I wish to keep my name but am more than willing to add my partners name and use it as my surname, my name will be used as a second middle name…i feel very stronly about this as i recently lost my 17 month old son in a car accident, he had my surname and i wish to keep this connection with him…
HIS POINT OF VIEW: He believes that my son would have taken on his surname if we hadn’t lost him….sorry to make things complicated but we are mormons and believe that we will all be sealed together as a family for eternity, therefore he believes that my sons name will change along with us being sealed together.
Is there a right or wrong in this situation?
should my Fiance be happy as i am taking his name and keeping mine?
Post # 3
@nutellalover: I am sorry to hear about your loss. How devastating.
I think it’s a compromise for you two. It really all has to do with preference. I first thought I wanted to make my maiden name my middle and add FI’s last name when married. I thought about it some more and realized that we are both old souls and it’d be silly for me to do that – especially because our last names do not mesh well together at all.
So, I’ve made the decision to take his last name only and drop mine all together. I’ve been noticing a loss of tradition lately and while there’s nothing wrong with that – it’s just not for me.
Good with your decision. I’m sure it’ll all work out in the end.
Post # 4
My name is Firstname Maidenname Hislastname. I have two last names, but without a hyphen.. I will legally use both last names, but socially go by his.
Post # 5
I think this situation is different. If you feel like it keeps a connection, then who cares what anyone else says, even if it’s your soon to be husband.
Post # 6
I think you should do what YOU feel is right.
I don’t completely understand the religious aspect (because I am not familiar with the Mormon faith), but in light of your recent tragedy this goes beyond just normal name-change soul searching and into gaining closeur on your sons passing.
Post # 7
You have to do what’s right for you. I wanted to keep my name, but SO really wanted me to take his just so we would be unified as a family when we choose to have children. I chose to take on his name in addition to my own and hyphenate.
I am really happy with my decision and encourage you to think about it; you get to hold on to your name, but also take on his. You would still have your son’s last name but just have your new husband’s added to it.
At work, I’m continuing to go by my last name because I am a teacher.
Post # 8
Thanks for all the messages,
prior to the accident i wouldnt have hesitated to simply take on his name, and also change my sons name, as the circumstances have changed I feel that Fiance should be a little more understanding
Does anyone know what different it makes if i was to hyphenate the names?
we’ll have to agree on this very soon…
Post # 10
I am so, so, so sorry for your loss. No one should have to go through that.
I don’t understand what he could possibly have an objection to. You’re taking his name. You’re just also keeping yours as a middle name. That’s been done for centuries. What’s the problem?
Sorry for my tone, but I am angry at your Fiance. It sounds like he’s making it all about himself and his ego.
Post # 10
Double post. Dang WB tech problems.
Post # 11
I just want to say I’m so glad there’s another mormon on the board, and we’re close to being date twins too!
I think that the changing of your last name is up to you. Do what you feel is right and he should be understanding of whatever you choose. 🙂
Post # 12
I think that keeping your name as a middle name should be fine – you will still have the same last name as your husband.
I’m so sorry for your loss. 🙁
Post # 13
@nutellalover: I’m eating Nutella right now, so I guess it makes sense I’m writing to you. 🙂 I’m not totally sure what you mean by what difference it makes to hyphenate, but it just means that you can keep your middle name and then the hyphenated last names act as one.
I wanted to keep my middle name because it was my aunt’s middle name, and she died of cancer right before I was born. Obviously it has sentimental value, so I didn’t want to just throw it out the window and make my maiden name my new middle name.
I like the fact that I now have both my name and my husband’s name; I personally felt like I wasn’t changing my identity completely because I was simply adding rather than replacing names.
Hyphenating has been really easy because I don’t have every credit card and record changed over yet, so places let it go when they see that I just hyphenated and didn’t completely get a new name. For instance, I went to Kohl’s today and the lady was okay with the fact that my driver’s license doesn’t technically match my credit card.
I think it’s such a personal decision that no one can judge any other woman for her choice. I hope your FH will realize that this is your decision, not his. While I understand that he would like for you to take his name, it is ultimately up to you and he needs to support you in that choice.
Good luck! 🙂