(Closed) Taking the husbands last name…help!

posted 5 years ago in Names
Post # 3
Member
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@dfutureNP:  your mother has no right to any say in this decision whatsoever, and DO NOT let her push you into what she wants through blackmail. If she is selfish enough to really miss out on her daughter’s wedding over this, that’s her problem, not yours. It’s a very personal decision and no one should make it except you and your fiancé. If changing your name is something you want, stand up for yourself and don’t let anyone influence you otherwise. 

Post # 4
Member
1657 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

No, your mother shouldn’t have a say in this. That’s kind of insensitive of her to just thrust her beliefs at you like that for a choice that is only up to you and Fiance.

I plan on taking my FI’s last name, for exactly the same reasons you are.

One thing you can do (I don’t know if you can do this in the U.S., but you can here in Ontario at least) is you can combine both of your names into one last name.

So if FI’s last name was Smith, and yours is Adams, you could make Adith, or Smadams (hah, that sounds funny). Maybe you could consider that?

 

Post # 5
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

First, this is totally your decision. I think the best you can do with your Mom is tell her you understand why she finds it important. Doesn’t really sound like there’s a lot you can do to change her mind though. 

 

I got married a week after I graduated law school and my degree has my maiden name but I’m licensed as my married name. I kind of like that the degree represents my accomplishments as a non-married lady, while the name I use professionally is my new “family” name. 

 

Post # 6
Member
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

SO. I guess my questions are:

1) do you think that my mom doesn’t have the  right to impose her beliefs in such a manner? 
I definitely think thats a personal choice.. I am really looking forward to taking on my husbands name. I think its quite manipulative of her to threaten not being part of the wedding.

2) Did you take your married name, even with prior degrees earned/ a career  path that requires licensure or to be addressed in such a fashion? My mom is  really furious that I could be addressed as Dr.Married name instead of Dr.  Maiden name.
I work in a law firm and plenty of women earnt their careers prior to getting married but they all go by their husbands name. The certificates are displayed with their maiden names.

3) Did any of you keep your name legally and change socially? was that  hard?
I made the choice to go socially by my stepfathers name instead of my fathers name. Everything from school/friends/family had my stepfathers name on it, but legally everything had my fathers name. Super confusing. I actually legally changed by name to my stepfathers this year to stop the confusion. (I will definitely be taking on my FIs name when we marry though)

4) are there any other options? (change legally, be addressed by prior name  at work) Not sure on all the legal stuff, especially with board certifications  etc.
Not sure

Post # 7
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

1) do you think that my mom doesn’t have the right to impose her beliefs in such a manner?

I can see her side, but also it’s your life and you can do what you want with your last name.

2) Did you take your married name, even with prior degrees earned/ a career path that requires licensure or to be addressed in such a fashion? My mom is really furious that I could be addressed as Dr.Married name instead of Dr. Maiden name.

I have 3 degrees, al of which are of course in my maiden name. I did change my name legally (excitedly actually) and am throoughly enjoying being Mrs. _____ new last name. I am a teacher and my students (5th grade) think it’s fun to cal me by my new last name even though I was married mid school year and don’t plan to have them really start calling me by my new name until next school year.

3) Did any of you keep your name legally and change socially? was that hard?

No, although I do love my maiden name so we are thinking of having our 1st son named after it (Wyatt…I think it’s a good boys name)

4) are there any other options? (change legally, be addressed by prior name at work) Not sure on all the legal stuff, especially with board certifications etc.

Not sure

 

Post # 10
Member
2073 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I took my husbands’s name. While my degrees are in my maiden name, my license, credential, and certificate are all now in my married name. I switched jobs after I got married so the transition to using my married name at work was pretty seamless. Actually responding when some called me Mrs. MarriedName?  That took some time. For a little while, my first thought was “Why would my Mother-In-Law be here?”  

 

Don’t let your mom bully you into making a choice that you and your FH are uncomfortable with. Do what makes you both happy.  I’m sure the appropriate paperwork can be filed after the fact to change your name on your credentials for work. 

ETA: yay for Boston Bees!

Post # 11
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@dfutureNP: 

1) I agree with the PPs- don’t let your mom guilt you into this.

2) I will be taking my FI’s name; my degree is in my maiden name. It’s as easy as contacting the BON and letting them know that your name changed. 

3) I don’t have any experience with this one…sorry! It would be too hard for me. 

4) I know that in nursing, you must practice with your legal name. There are some professions where this is possible (teaching, for example), but nursing is not one of them. Sorry 🙁

Post # 14
Member
1193 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@dfutureNP:  my answer is short…screw your moms feelings (not really but sorta) and do what you want. Take your husband lasts name. It’s what you want and it’s your decision!

Post # 15
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

1) Your mother has no right and no say in your life choices.

2) I have two degrees with my maiden name and will be taking my FI’s last name. It literally makes no difference. I won’t have a title or anything, but it’s up to you and you only what your name will be. Legally changing your name does not affect your licensing or degrees.

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