- 7 years ago
Hi bees. So my Boyfriend or Best Friend just told me that he wants to break up and re-evaluate where he is in a few weeks. Let me back up.
We’ve been together for 2.5 years– he’s my best friend, and we’ve discussed marriage/getting engaged many times. In fact, we’d been seriously talking about that happening in the next year or two. However, our relationship can be really stressful at times. He’s a grad student, I’m in my first year of teaching. Plus, I struggle with a great deal of anxiety, particularly anxiety about him– fearing something bad will happen to him if I don’t hear for him for a long period of time etc. We’ve been working on our relationship– but it has fallen into a cycle of things going really well for a few months– then we’ll have a few stressful weeks, go into crisis mode, re-evaluate, and then things get better for awhile.
Well, a few months ago, he told me he was feeling really stressed and overwhelmed with the relationship. So we took some time apart, saw each other less frequently, and things started to get a lot better. We were enjoying each other’s company, laughing a lot togeter, it was great. However, the last two weeks were pretty crappy. Two weeks ago, he was having finals, and was super stressed out about them. But we didn’t communicate well about that, and I didn’t even realize he was stressed about me until the day after his last final, when we were both going home for winter break. He was going to El Salvador, and I was coming home to NY. Well, this past week of us being long-distance ended up being really stressful too. Like I said, I get severe anxiety when I don’t hear from him when I expect to. Start worrying he’s hurt, or dead, send frantic emails, contact his friends, etc. I know it’s a problem, and I’m working on treating it. But pretty much every day this past week, we’ve had some fight or argument about why he didn’t email or come online when he was supposed to.
That all culminated in tonight. After another round of frantic emails, when he finally got online, he was really upset. He said he couldn’t do this anymore– that he was too stressed and nervous about the relationship, that he even avoided coming online because he was afraid I would fight with him. He said he wanted us to not talk for the next two weeks while he was still in El Salvador, and that we would figure things out when he gets back.
He said he loves me, that I’m still his best friend, and that he’ll miss me, but he really needs to do this. That he’s just completely burnt out, and doesn’t think he can do this relationship anymore. The thing is…our relationship did get to this point once before. A year and a half ago, over the summer, pretty much the same thing happened– except the entire summer had been terrible. That time, he called it “wanting to go on a break”– but we still talked once a day. Within a few days, he was feeling a lot better, and was ready to get back together. Later he told me that he was pretty much ready to break up with me on that first day, but just didn’t want to say it then. This time, he out-and-out said that he wanted to break up for awhile. I don’t know– substantively, is this the same thing as a break?
Sigh. I’m just so upset right now. I don’t know. What do you ladies thing? What should I be doing? Has anyone experience this before, and could offer some words of advice? Do you think our relationship is over…I don’t know. I’m just so sad, I don’t know what to do with myself :(.