(Closed) Taking To Long!!

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

You need to calm down, and have another discussion with him.  This isn’t about you “waiting long enough.”  It’s about making sure he’s on the same page with you about the timeline for your relationship.  If kids are on the table, you both need to agree about when you’re having them.  You need to be in agreement about what kind of wedding, and when.  You need to lay all this stuff out for him to understand where you’re coming from, and what you’re looking for. And then you need to trust him.  If this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, the man you can potentially trust with raising your children, then you have to be able to trust his timing, too — once you’ve had the discussion of what planning a wedding is going to take, and the expectations you have about when you’re going to have children, etc.

A thousand dollars for a ring is a lot of money.  Weddings are expensive.  Children are expensive.  There might be more going on with the finances than you know which could be holding up the process, and you will only find out if you talk to him.  He is ultimately the one you need to understand your position.  And he only will if you lay this out calmly, clearly, and rationally.  After that, if you don’t have the answer you want, a timeline you like, then you have to decide if you really have waited long enough.  Men are not mysterious creatures.  They’re human.  And communication is the key in every human relationship.  Listen to him, talk to him, and make your plans together.  Otherwise, re-evaluate your commitment to him, and decide if the relationship is worth the frustration of not having a ring.

Post # 4
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

It sounds like he’s only waiting so that he can do it right. You two need to have a calm talk about what he thinks you need/deserve, and make it clear that you’re not expecting an expensive ring or wedding (though 1K isn’t cheap either). He’s probably still saving it for a meaningful date. Meanwhile, you’re super-panicking here, even after he said he wants the same things as you do on the same timeline, which sounds like unmanaged anxiety. I used to feel that way, like SO was lying about our relationship to get out of responsibility, which is a horrible thing to think about my partner, and had I really believed it, I wouldn’t want to marry him anyway. Well of course I didn’t believe it, it was just the anxiety. Relax, breathe, take up an athletic or meditative hobby (yoga can be both, and I enjoy it even though I don’t connect with it spiritually). As soon as you’re not breathing down his neck to do it, that’s when he’ll know that you’re in a good place and do it.

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