Post # 1
Hello bees. I am new to this site and would like a little info.
I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years. We are high school sweethearts. Don’t get me wrong our relationship is not perfect and we had our share of break ups and makeups but that’s what happens when you’re young.
So recently I have been asking him what the deal with our relationship was. He looked at me like he was confused as if I thought there was a problem. I told him there was no issue with us but I wanted to know where he saw us in a couple of years. He said, ” We willl be married and have everything we always wanted like a house, kids, etc.” I liked that idea I told him but I also said I don’t see him becoming serious with our relationship. He was shocked with my comment and was very upset. I felt bad that I hurt his feelings but I’m also hurt because it has been a long time and still no ring.
We have been to jewelry stores together looking at engagement rings and I’ve recently visited a couple of jewelry stores with my mother to see their selections. He has told me to shop around to see which one I wanted. The one I am interested in is a princess cut or a diamond solitaire. I’ve told him but it seems to me like he’s taking way to long to propose!! It’s not to expensive either. They are both $1,000 and look beautiful!! I am a simple kind of girl and I do not like to many diamonds on the engagement ring. So my question is…. Why the hell is he taking to long?? I am at my wits end and gave him an ultimatum by this summer. His response is, “Babe I know what you want and I want to make things special. Something you will never forget. I’m working on it. I’m working on it” is all he says. I don’t want to pressure him into doing something he doesn’t want to do but if that’s the case he should tell me!! I know they say great things come to those who wait but I think I’ve waited long enough. I also told him if this isn’t what he wants to let me know now instead of stringing me along because we aren’t getting any younger. I am 26 and that might not seem to old but when you think about it I’m not that young either!!
Post # 3
You need to calm down, and have another discussion with him. This isn’t about you “waiting long enough.” It’s about making sure he’s on the same page with you about the timeline for your relationship. If kids are on the table, you both need to agree about when you’re having them. You need to be in agreement about what kind of wedding, and when. You need to lay all this stuff out for him to understand where you’re coming from, and what you’re looking for. And then you need to trust him. If this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, the man you can potentially trust with raising your children, then you have to be able to trust his timing, too — once you’ve had the discussion of what planning a wedding is going to take, and the expectations you have about when you’re going to have children, etc.
A thousand dollars for a ring is a lot of money. Weddings are expensive. Children are expensive. There might be more going on with the finances than you know which could be holding up the process, and you will only find out if you talk to him. He is ultimately the one you need to understand your position. And he only will if you lay this out calmly, clearly, and rationally. After that, if you don’t have the answer you want, a timeline you like, then you have to decide if you really have waited long enough. Men are not mysterious creatures. They’re human. And communication is the key in every human relationship. Listen to him, talk to him, and make your plans together. Otherwise, re-evaluate your commitment to him, and decide if the relationship is worth the frustration of not having a ring.
Post # 4
It sounds like he’s only waiting so that he can do it right. You two need to have a calm talk about what he thinks you need/deserve, and make it clear that you’re not expecting an expensive ring or wedding (though 1K isn’t cheap either). He’s probably still saving it for a meaningful date. Meanwhile, you’re super-panicking here, even after he said he wants the same things as you do on the same timeline, which sounds like unmanaged anxiety. I used to feel that way, like SO was lying about our relationship to get out of responsibility, which is a horrible thing to think about my partner, and had I really believed it, I wouldn’t want to marry him anyway. Well of course I didn’t believe it, it was just the anxiety. Relax, breathe, take up an athletic or meditative hobby (yoga can be both, and I enjoy it even though I don’t connect with it spiritually). As soon as you’re not breathing down his neck to do it, that’s when he’ll know that you’re in a good place and do it.