Post # 1
Ladies, how many of you will be taking your fiance’s name after the wedding? How many of you will be hypenating the two names?
I ask beccause I am planning on taking my fiance’s name and dropping my maiden completely. I don’t have a strong relationship with most of my family so I don’t have an issue with dropping the last name (plus there is some negativity associated with it). A few days ago my aunt, who is VERY progressive and believes couples should live together and not marry mentioned that she doesn’t want me to take his name. She said it would be “giving up my identity” and that she really wants me to consider keeping my maiden name.
While I will still be taking my fiance’s name (this is something that I am very okay with) I need to know how to handle talking to her about this. She tends to be very persistant about her beliefs which has caused a rift in the past. Has anyone on this board dealt with this – and if so how? (I am not willing to negotiate – I really want to drop the stigma with my maiden name.)
Thanks for all your help!
Post # 3
I’ll keep mine professionally (I’m a writer and all my publishing credentials are under my maiden name–plus, it sounds better with my first name), but take his for all other intents and purposes.
Post # 4
I don’t buy the argument that one’s maiden name is their “real” name and that taking your fiance’s name is somehow staying less true to yourself. For me, my maiden name is my dad’s name. So whether I keep my maiden name or change my name to my fiance’s last name, I will still have the last name of a man. If anything, I think my first and middle names are MY real names!
The great thing about feminism is that it has allowed women to make choices about things like this. You aren’t giving up an identity. You’ve gained an identity. You aren’t just your single self, but part of a unit that wants to be unified by a common name. I don’t think your aunt really needs to know more than that.
Post # 5
I havent made an official decision. While I also do not really identify with my family associated with my last name and have never felt a connection with it, Im not sure my FH’s last name fits so much. Politely tell you aunt that while you respect her opinions you ask that she respect your decision to take your FH’s last name and that there be no further discussion of it.
Post # 6
Professionally, I’ll be hyphenating our names, because I have my MA and BS with my maiden name, and I will be pursuing a Phd after we’re married. However, personally I’ll be going by just his name. I think I would feel wierd when we have kids and I’m the only one without the same last name.
Post # 7
I can’t wait to change my last name… i’m not keen on my last name (it’s a colour and it’s annoying with people joke and say oh it’s such and such *insert different colour*… childish much LOL) i feel honored to take his name, it’s got nothing to do with me “leaving” my family because i’m not i’m just changing my last name… plus my parents are not together and mum is remarried and has a new last name so it’s not a big deal.
I can’t wait to change mine 🙂 33 days to go YAY!!
Post # 8
I didn’t change my name – we are lucky to live in an environment where we are all able to choose what is best for ourselves.
Nonetheless, your aunt should respect your wishes and accept your new name once you’ve gotten married. Perhaps she is so strong in her beliefs because she had to defend her choices when she was younger. After all, it’s a fairly recent development that women have so many options with regards to name changes.
Just be calm and firm with her if she challenges you on your name. After all, it’s your decision – you don’t have to get into the details with your aunt. If she wants to make it an issue after that, it’s her problem, not yours.
Post # 9
we’re taking each others names, no hyphen so we can use one or the other when it’s more convenient. as far as your aunt goes, be assertive. you may need to be blunt. tell her that you’re exercising your feminist right to choose and make decisions for yourself. you appreciate her input but you’ve made your choice and won’t discuss it further.
Post # 10
I’m changing mine because I feel no particular ties towards my maiden name (my dad and his side of the family are a bit dodgey – so no loss there!) and I know it’s important to the fella so I’m happy to change it.
Post # 11
Here is how I see it:
Either you keep the name of your father – a man you didn’t choose.
Or you can take the name of your husband – a man you DID choose. Someone who wouldn’t be in your life unless you didn’t want him to be.
Post # 12
She’s not exactly progressive if she doesn’t think you should do whatever you want to do. Maybe tell her that, in a nice way. 🙂
Post # 13
I’m changing my name. However, I’m using my maiden name on my website because it’s part of the website address.
Post # 14
I think you should do what you feel comfortable doing and it is nobody’s business but your own.
But, I have seen the reasoning that Tickles and Sapphirebride used on here many times and I don’t really understand the argument.
Doesn’t your Fiance have his father’s name too? By that argument, wouldn’t you be taking his father’s name, a man you didn’t choose? There are many valid reasons for making either choice. However, that one does not make sense to me.
Post # 15
I will be changing my name. As soo as I get our marriage certificate I’ll be applying for a new passport with my new name.
Post # 16
I am changing my name to my husbands last name and already did so on facebook! 🙂 I am keeping my middle name and dropping my maiden name. I love my first and middle name together and I have 2 brothers to carry on my family last name. I do not in any way feel less than myself – I feel more united with my husband and more like a family!