(Closed) Talk to Best friend ( BM) about her actions or just let it go and end it slowly?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

I haven’t read your previos posts about her, so maybe this is a final straw type of thing? This alone-her coming to say goodbye to you before you leave to get married-doesn’t seem like an end all be all sort of thing if she’s your best friend? Maybe just talk to her plainly, tell her exactly how you’re feeling and see what you can do to sort it out rather than just phasing out the friendship. Don’t just say “Oh, well I wish you were coming to see me” and hint that you want her to come. Ask her if she will come, if its this important for you and if she still won’t, then talk to her blunty about why you feel she’s not supporting you enough. Its always best to be direct IMO.

Post # 4
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You’re upset with your friend for not making an effort to travel two hours (by bus!!) to visit you when you won’t make the exact same trip to see her? Perhaps you’ve been using the “I’m busy planning A wedding” line a lot lately and your friend feels unloved and neglected? Have you asked her clearly how she’s feeling about your relationship?

Post # 5
Member
680 posts
Busy bee

If this is how your relationship has been in the past (you going to see her mostly) why would you expect any different? I think you are expecting more from someone who you already know won’t give it and it’s upsetting you. It’s happened to me as well, and it sucks. 

Post # 7
Member
3584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@skschick:  You know, you can feel badly about this, that’s ok. But as people grow and mature they change, their priorities change.That’s what is happening with her, most likely.

I’m not sure that I understand this occasion–you are coming back to this country, right? You didn’t say that you are moving, or are you? You may be marking this as an “occasion” when it is really not so much that in her eyes. Personally, I wouldn’t think that someone going off to be married in a destination wedding is an occasion for me to have a social event. The event is the wedding itself.

But either way, she as spoken to you many times on the phone and shared that she wished it was easier to visit you. That is an expression of her feelings for your relationship even though it may be true that you are less of a priority.

 

Post # 9
Member
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@skschick:  If I didn’t have a car, and had to travel by bus for two hours…I would probably tell the friend that wanted to see me so bad to jump in her car and drive to me.  On the flip side, if it was really important for me to see a friend that was in your friend’s circumstances, I would never make a big stink about them coming to me.  I would go see them.  At the very least, I would suggest meeting them halfway. 

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