- 10 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
Oh Bees, I am so frustrated right now! Just had a talk with the BF – got into a huge fight and I stormed out of the house and am sitting at an outdoor cafe right now feeling like absolute crap and not sure where to go from here.
I’ve known my BF for almost ten years ago. We met when I was an exchange student in his town in high school. We were really good friends, and even after I finished my exchange year, we remained in close contact and I would go back to visit fairly frequently. A couple years ago, when I was spending a couple weeks vacation in his town and we both realized we had feelings for each other. We did long distance for two 1/2 years and I finally moved here about a month and a half ago.
I made it clear before I moved that I saw living together as an intermediary step to getting married and wanted to make sure we were on the same page about that. He agreed that he felt that way too, but we didn’t make any timelines. I’m 27 and he’s 26, btw. I assumed the fact I was making a huge life change and sacrafice to give up my whole life to move here, he would maybe propose within a year of me moving.
Things have been going wonderfully since I moved here and I was reading on the boards that a lot of girls have talked about timelines with their BFs so I thought I would bring up the idea of a time line with him. I’m working remotely for my company in the US, and they set me up on a year contract, because I told them my goal was to move back in a year, hopefully with the BF. My three month trial for the work remotely agreement is coming up in Sept. and I told BF they would probably ask me how things were going for me and if I still envisioned returning in a year. I told him a lot depends on our relationship.
I asked him about a timeline and he said it was weird to talk about dates, but maybe 3 – 5 years. WTF !! ? We got in a huge fight. I told him that I felt like he should know by now or not, why wait so long? He said, well we have only lived together 6 weeks..he wants to live together more time..I said me too but like a year maybe…didn’t our long distance count for anything..I think we know each other really well because we have had a lot of time to talk on the phone and get to know each other and living togetehr I haven’t found out anything other than what I expected…
He just said he saw himself getting married closer to 30…and I felt it wasn’t fair for me to have given up so much and he can’t even give me any sort of committment..i said what about having a long engagement at least? He said he felt that a long engagement was weird and not for him.
I don’t know what to do. If he doesn’t know within a year, maybe I should cut my losses and move back home. I mean, what if 3 or 5 years passes and he keeps putting it off? Then I’ve missed a lot of years to meet someone who DOES want to committ. I told him I felt if it was the right person you are dying to discuss the future with them and not freaking out when I bring out rough timelines….he didn’t agree with me..
Don’t know what to do – I don’t want to push and shouldn’t have to pressure to even talk about a rough timeline for us. He hates talking about the future and is all about the present. I hate having to bring it up but I feel it was important. I think he said 3-5 years to shut me up. I don’t know what to do 🙁