(Closed) Talking about engagements for months

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I just got engaged and we dated for 5 years before we got engaged so as you can probably guess I was READY when it came time to get engaged. but I did notice that even though we talked about it a lot towards the end and he seemed totally comfortable that if I brought it up often he started to act really weird. I thought then that it was that I was been too pushy , but now I know he just didn’t want to talk about it because he was trying to keep it a surprise. Just keep in mind to maybe not bring it up too much, but that’s all In My Humble Opinion

Post # 4
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I had the same feelings when my Fiance and I were dating and talking marriage. In the end, things worked out great. We got engaged, getting married in Oct.

I’m a little conflicted, because I feel like once you start planning away and dreaming together at the level you seem to be (and I was) than you pretty much already ARE engaged. In our case, we needed to save up for a ring, and we let not having one hold us back. You don’t have to do this!

Then there is the part of me that wishes I had held a little back from chatting and talking to my friends and even my Fiance so that when I finially did get officially engaged I could relish it more and it wouldn’t feel like “old news”…. I say hold back a little in what you share, it will be all the more sweet when you are engaged.

Post # 5
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee

Ya its weird.  My SO is very similar.  We can openly talk about kids, what we want to name them, and he is in agreeance with having kids in 2 years and how many we want etc etc.  BUt talking about marriage i think puts the pressure on him as he knows its HIS job to get things started. 

I know my SO has been ring shopping and i dont think he realized how difficult it would be to do it.  He was clueless going in and i know he is putting alot of pressure on himself to completely WOW me.  

So i guess, he wants to surprise you with the proposal and marriage, its his job solely to propose.  With kids, you both will decide together.  So its easy to talk about because its a joint decision.  The proposal is totally his choice, how its done, what the ring is etc etc. 

I dont know if that make sense in writing but it does in my head lol. 

Post # 6
Member
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Rush1986:  That frustrates me so much! I know it’s absolutely true (that the proposal is his choice and having kids is a joint decision), but I think that’s so backwards, the way we have it. Shouldn’t marriage be a joint decision too, instead of the way it’s set up, more of a question and answer? Then maybe there’d be less poor guys who ask their girls and those say no (those are always incredibly awkward: especially at sports games or what not!). I know there’s sometimes the option of asking your guy, but that’s not very culturally-accepted, and I know my guy would hate that because he has this big plan. Sometimes it’s just frustrating that once we plan the wedding, it’s about us, but the proposal is all on him. I mean, I’m excited for it, but geez!

Sorry about the tangent, it’s just something I’ve always found odd! 

And to agree with the OP: my fiance and I can talk forever about kids (we’ve named our fictional children, even decided how to decorate our fictional house), but for a while, marriage was an uneven topic (though since I know he’s proposing this summer, we’ve started to talk about it more). 

Post # 7
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee

@RapunzelRapunzel:  It TOTALLY is backward.  But thats probably just because we are in the waiting stage and hate it lol.  I’ve even said to my SO ” I dont understand why i have no say in how my life progresses or when. ” 

It sucks.  BUt lets face it, girls are very emotional and dreamy. Boys are far more logical.  We would propose the instance we fell in love. They need to analyze the decision to ensure its not solely based on emotion.  You can love someone, but that doesn’t mean you would be the best match for marriage. 

 

Post # 8
Member
44 posts
Newbee

As long as you are keeping the dreaming realistic  you SHOULD be talking to him!  Thats part of the fun! However, if you want to be sung down the aisle with 3000 trained turtle doves I might keep that one to myself (or any other ideas that might be “too much/crazy”). 

Also, my SO and I can talk about our future kids and house til the cows come home.  But engagement is still a bit taboo.  I think the reason behind it (at least in my relationship) is that house and kidsante still far away time wise, at least another 2-3 years.  But engagement is on the horizon, it’s next.  It’s becoming real very quickly.  I think that’s why it’s so hard to talk about, it’s a lot of pressure on him. 

This is an exciting time!  Happy waiting! 

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