Post # 1
I’ll go ahead and say it — I am a hugely jealous person. But now that that’s out of the way…
I wonder how many of you talk to your BF/SO/FI/DH about your exes and in what detail. I think my experiences with my exes have shaped me in many ways and how I approach my relationship with Boyfriend or Best Friend. I imagine that’s true of anyone — exes matter, even if they are long forgotten. I’ve had two 2 year + relationships before Boyfriend or Best Friend, a short-lived relationship to my then male best friend that ended with him cheating on me, and a couple other experiences mixed in there to spice it up. I’ve told Boyfriend or Best Friend all of these at relevant times — if he asks me something and its relevant I’ll tell a story about an ex and my exerperience. I think its important because he nees to know who I am and those stories are all part of it. I include names because its easier to say “Brad” then it is “the ex that tried to kill himself” over and over.
Boyfriend or Best Friend is quite the opposite, he tells me very little about exes and drops little tidbits here and there about why those ended but that’s about it. He tells me he doesn’t really want to know about my exes and he doesn’t want to talk about his. He has had one previous 3 year relationship and a few other experiences. I know a lot at this point about the other experiences (including names) but relatively little about the main ex and it frustrates me to some degree but I know its probably my irrational jealousy coming out that she was with him for that long and in a weird way I both don’t want to think about him with another person and I also want to know everything about them.
I sometimes feel crazy about this. Neither his nor my exes are threats to our relationship at all but its this little irk feeling that I don’t know who they are.
Anyone else feel like this?
Post # 3
I’m pretty open about things, but I definitely cringe whenever he says something about one of his exes or former hookups.
Post # 4
We talk openly. whats in the past is in the past.
Post # 5
My SO and I got together right after we had both gotten out of major relationships, so we initially bonded alot by comiserating over our crappy exes. Its always been an ok thing to talk about, it’s mostly complaining but I do say things like how I really liked his family and his cats.
Post # 6
I know about his relationships but he does not like to know about mine…. I’m friends with a few of mine and one of his. My motto is friendship (if it doesn’t have to be forced) is much better than hostility. I’m even friends with a girl that my ex cheated on me and left me for. LOL. It helps that she’s really sweet
Post # 7
@macbookbee123: Wow to being friends with the girl your ex cheated with. I could never do that. I have eventually forgiven my ex who cheated on me, but the girl he did it with will always be a bitch who I would want nothing to do with…
Post # 8
I am a really jealous person but have learned that I really need to relax a little bit when it comes to Fiance and his EX. My Fiance was married before and while he and his EX have no children together my Fiance has a daughter and his EX has a son who are 14 and seventeen respectively. Because they sort of grew up together my FI’s EX’s son still comes to visit and spend weekends and such so I do have quite bit of contact with her (she actually friended me on Facebook).
I know that there is no chance of them getting back together but sometimes it still bothers me. I do realise that they do still love each other and am therefore forced to listen to stories of their past life together (and people wonder whay I drink). I have come to realise that they are not together for a reason and no matter how much or how little I know about their relationship it doesn’t change how my Fiance feels about me and our life together.
I don’t tend to talk about my EX though, the way that I see it my EX is my EX for a reason and I don’t want him in our relationship at all. Fiance tells me in a kidding kind of way that he prefers to think that I have no past and that I was created just for him, my past doesn’t matter because I’m his love now and that he doesn’t care if anyone else had me in my past because he has my future.
Post # 9
My Fiance is really open about talking about the women he’s dated: and he has some great stories, I never feel jealous.
I’m a slightly less open; and my most recent ex (frighteningly abusive) I don’t talk about. He knows what happened, but there are details that I would rather bury and never talk/think about.
Post # 10
The past is the past. Don’t care to know about them. If you know too much may not be good and you start comparing yourself. I’d rather not know anything at all. Just as I wouldn’t want to share my past with my fiancee. Today and future is what matters, focus on that fellow bee, that’s why we are on here 🙂
Post # 10
I hated my boyfriend’s main ex. He probably had a couple others that I genuinely don’t care about, but he was in a 2 year relationship with a girl that he had been friend with forever. They lived in the same court so her house was literally two doors down. Their relationship ended with her cheating on him with a guy at work. I hated her because when we first started dating, she would still hanging around him. “They were still friends.” I don’t know much about her and I don’t care. He never talks about her which is okay with me as well. I don’t think I’m a very jealous person, but hearing about her never made me feel better, so I’m glad she doesn’t really come up.
I will say that he and I had a long conversation once about her several years ago. Maybe that eased my mind because I don’t even register her existance.
Post # 11
@google: Yeah, there are some girls who my friend’s ex’es have cheated on that I could not like. But she’s really nice and apologized to me and said she had no idea, it was hard at first but I dunno, once I reallllllly got over him, I was over it, and decided that I had room in my heart to let her in. I’m so glad I did!
Post # 12
I know very little about dh’s exes. Supposedly there was never really anybody very significant before me though so that might be why. We got tOgether when he was 26 and he’d never even brought another gf home to meet his parents. So we’ve discussed his LACK of exes at length!!
Post # 13
I think this depends on the circumstances a bit.
What I don’t mind:
“I started dating so and so because her friend got us together!” or “She had this thing with hawks. We did a lot of bird watching.”
What I do mind and I heard from someone in the past:
“I mean, we used to do it all the time. It was like, constant. She wasn’t on BC so we had to use condoms.” Ummno. There’s no reason to know that. GROSS.
Tangent: Girl who was an ex of his but a mutual friend once said “Remember when I asked for a cat while we were having sex? Like, I was on top of you, and I was like ‘PLEEEEASE let me have a kitten.’ and you were like, mad because you were about to finish.” in my presence! WTF PEOPLE.
Yeah. Done with that saga.
I don’t mind talking about general things, but really intimate thigns that I might conjure at inoppertune times need not be spoken of. I’m kind of jelly/insecure.
Post # 14
We’ve both talked about our exes and we both have ran into some of them while together. We are at the point now where the past is in the past their loss our gain.
Post # 15
I’ve had an ex who couldn’t stop yapping about his exes. He kept their photos and once compared our intimate parts. I was livid. Although mine were bigger, still something you’d never say. He talked about all the good times they had and how he missed her. I had no reason to hate her but I somehow felt he was trying to make me jealous despite being his Girlfriend. It was very disrespectful of him…and he continued treating me that way (stopped talking about the exes but they came up here and there).
When we broke up he hooked up with a high school friend that I suspect liked him or he liked I dunno…they cheated on me but she is pretty and perhaps sweet. All his GFs were all somewhat athletic and naturaly pretty-his type. I believe she might even be prettier than me but I didn’t feel bad one bit. I didn’t feel sorry for myself-we were exes then. If anything I felt sorry for her he’s a piece of work.
My Fiance and I are on the same playing field. I had a husband and a Boyfriend or Best Friend. He’s had one Girlfriend, fiancee, and a wife. It help only talked about our exes if it was necessary informtion. Even then there’s not much to say: neither of us have children or any reason to keep in contact with our exes. If any consolation I know that I’m probably the brightest of his girls, the youngest, and share more in common with him than anyone. He knows he’s the most mature I’ve had, the most sincere, and the best smile and personality. No need for either of us to blink an eye: we’re each other’s endgame.