Post # 1
Does anyone else get extremely anxious when discussing money?
My Fiance loves talking about money and trying to figure out the details of our financial future. For whatever reason, talking about money scares the crap out of me. I think I’m a pretty responsible person for the most part but I’m not the kind of person who sits down to look at the numbers closely. For example, today Fiance wanted us to check out our credit scores and his score is significantly higher than mine. I got into some financial difficulties a few years ago due to being off work sick and missed payments on my credit cards so I think that’s why my credit score is lower (it’s still not that bad though. It’s 692 which isn’t horrible I think?).
After figuring out of credit scores, Fiance started crunching the numbers to figure out how much debt we owe accumulatively with our student loans. I am sooooo stressed out now. We’re both recent graduates with good jobs so the future is looking good in terms of paying stuff off but that doesn’t really make me feel any better. Fiance is totally optimistic about paying everything off in a short amount of time and he’s done the calculations to prove we can do it….but I’m still super stressed.
I should mention that another thing I hate doing is my income tax…and yes I know hate is a strong word but it’s true! I would rather clean 500 toilets than do my income tax!!!
I’m not sure if it’s my personality type (I’m very right-brained…I make a living off of being a designer/artist if that’s any indication!) and Fiance is very much left-brained. Anyways, I feel like a really bad person for not taking more interest in my finances.
Do you think this is something that gets better with time? Or do I need therapy? lol…
Post # 3
I don’t think you need therapy :-), if you do many many many others in your same position probably do to. Money fears are very common. That being said though I don’t think its unreasonable that your Fiance wants to talk about it. Being on the same page financially is extremely important, since most couple’s fights will revolve around money. I think it’s good that your Fiance is taking a front seat on the finances it is good for one person to do the main bill paying, budget crunching etc.. The other person, you in this case, should be aware of what is going on though. I think it will get better with time when you realize that you can live within the constraints that you both have come up with together.
Post # 4
Oh, I don’t think Fiance is being unreasonable at all. In fact I’m really glad he’s figuring our finances out! I just don’t feel as comfortable talking about money as he does.
Post # 5
You’re perfectly normal! In every relationship there are things each person tends to be better at than the other. My Fiance is also better with money, and, like you I tend to get a little stressed out by too much financial talk. I feel lucky he can take the reins when it comes to that. It’s like anything else – one person usually cooks better, one cleans better, one does this chore or that chore better. Marriage is a lot about communicating and sometimes compromising to make things great for both people. You don’t have to be good at everything, that’s why it’s a partnership. Both work together for the greater good of the relationship and things balance out.
Post # 6
Haha, you sound like my Fiance – he would rather do anything than deal with money, and talking about it (especially re: the wedding, which we aren’t paying for) makes him very uncomfortable. He has designated me his “CFO” and I deal with finances even though we don’t have a joint bank account. I think whatever works for you is fine 🙂
Post # 7
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
You might want to read one of Suze Orman’s books. She can be a bit harsh sometimes, but she offers good advice about getting comfortable dealing with money.
Your Fiance sounds really astute about finances, which is great! I used to work in real estate- get your credit score over 700, and you’ll be in a lot better shape for car or home loans- 720 or higher is ideal- 750 and you’re pretty much golden. So you’re almost there!
Post # 8
I LOVE talking about finances! Fiance and I came up with a formula on Saturday so we can calculate how much we can contribute to all of our retirement accounts and still live each month. Some accounts are pre-tax others are post-tax, so it makes it more tricky. Seriously, I’ve got spreadsheets up the wahzoo!
Do you use Turbo Tax for your taxes? I showed Fiance how to use it yesterday and it was painless. He was doing it by hand all these years. I’ve evern done it by hand and with a software to compare the results and they have been the same the two years I did it both ways.
Does the unknown scare you? Coming up short? etc?
Post # 9
You probably wouldn’t be able to get a home loan right now with that score, or if you did, it would be on really bad terms.
Did your parents struggle with money management? Could some of your anxiety be stemming from that?
I think with practice, it will get better. But, you guys should come up with a game plan to get your credit score up in the mean time.
Post # 10
- Wedding: May 2013 - Canal St Inn
I get extremely stressed when it comes to talking about money. I love planning this wedding, but I do get a very nagging sensation when we talk about budget, how we’re going to stay within it, and then how we’re going to deal with some fraudulent student debts from less than a year of college, plus a small amount of medical bills. Overall, the total is much less than the average American college grad’s debt, but because my parents, particularly my mother, never really taught me exactly how to deal with money and money problems (she’s still dealing with several thousands of dollars of her own debt), as suggested by crayfish. We were pretty much always poor, just above the poverty line, or on the verge of being thrown out of whatever house/apartment/place we were staying. And I can’t stand doing my taxes either, that’s why I’m so happy to have H&R handle it for me for 75 bucks. Worth every penny.
I know that once we actually get married, handling things like what little debt I have will be pretty easy, especially with our combined income, but right now, and I’m sure as we’re dealing with it over the next few years, there are times when I want to pull my hair out talking about money. It just stresses my out to no end and if I could live without it I could. I can’t really offer you any advice (though I’ll be looking into Suze Orman, I’ve heard wonderful things about her), but I can at least give you some comfort in knowing you are not alone.
Post # 11
I am like your fiance- I love cruncing numbers—- I would suggest letting him do it all and let you know of his suggestions.
Post # 12
@sienna76: Fiance just introduced me to Turbo Tax actually so that’s what I’m going to use this time around. Hopefully that makes a difference!
@crayfish: We’re not trying to get a home loan yet. We’re going to rent for a couple years and pay off our student debt first. The reason Fiance wanted to check our credit scores was to see if there’s anything we can do within the next couple of years to make our credit scores even higher before the time comes to apply for a mortgage.
And yes, my parents definitely struggled with money management!!! We were always struggling to get by and they fought about money all the time.
@shadowblind: Good to know I’m not alone. It sounds like we grew up with very similar financial situations.