Post # 1
Hi there !
I am in need of some advice . . .
My husband and I have been married almost a year now. His parents and siblings really sweet in person but are also really sneaky when it comes to asking for ridiculous favors and money .
My husband NEVER says no. I don’t want to crush him for being nice and loving to his family but it is getting to a point where he does not tell me ahead of time about the money or favors they are asking for . How do I start this conversation without seeming selfish/heartless ?
Post # 2
Once you’re married your partner’s financial decisions directly impact you and you should be 100% in the know as to where your $$ is going. Now if you each have individual “discretionary” spending accounts and he chooses to use his funds to help family that’s his prerogative but definitely no financial assistance should be provided from joint funds without your knowledge and consent.
Post # 4
You are married so it is your money too. If you care about your joint assets, even if you do not have joint accounts, then talk to him about your concern about the financial future.
Post # 5
Do you have joint finances? If so, you should be able to see if he transferred money to them or took out an unusual amount of cash (presumably to give to them). I would casually ask him what that’s all about next time it happens and let that lead to a conversation about how he can’t unilaterally give away money that belongs to the two of you.
Post # 6
jaykay2015: Assuming your finances are joint…just bring it up.
“I saw that you withdrew $xxx last month. WHat was that for?” Or “I saw we wrote your brother a check for $xxx, what’s the deal?”
If you have joint finances and he’s spending your money without telling you, you don’t have to tip toe around asking him what’s going on. It doesn’t mean that he has to stop, but he does have to include you in the decision. Darling Husband and I help out his brother every so often. He clears it with me first, and I’m reasonable about being accommodating to what he wishes to do for his brother.
If, on the other hand, you have decided to keep your finances seperate and this is not coming from a joint account, then you don’t really have a stake in the game. You can tell him your opinion, but it’s his decision in that case.
Post # 7
Thank you all so much ! we do share a joint account , we do not have any additional accounts . It’s really annoying because I don’t want him to think I don’t want to help but I do want him to know that I do not approve .
Thanks so so much for your advice !