(Closed) Talking money and Enlaws

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: What should I do ?
    Ask him straight up if he has been giving money behind my back : (15 votes)
    71 %
    Don't say anything : (0 votes)
    Start a conversation about boundaries ? : (6 votes)
    29 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    492 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    Once you’re married your partner’s financial decisions directly impact you and you should be 100% in the know as to where your $$ is going. Now if you each have individual “discretionary” spending accounts and he chooses to use his funds to help family that’s his prerogative but definitely no financial assistance should be provided from joint funds without your knowledge and consent. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    3332 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    Absolutely bring it up.

    Post # 4
    Member
    9528 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    You are married so it is your money too. If you care about your joint assets, even if you do not have joint accounts, then talk to him about your concern about the financial future.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3611 posts
    Sugar bee

    Do you have joint finances? If so, you should be able to see if he transferred money to them or took out an unusual amount of cash (presumably to give to them). I would casually ask him what that’s all about next time it happens and let that lead to a conversation about how he can’t unilaterally give away money that belongs to the two of you. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    5889 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    jaykay2015:  Assuming your finances are joint…just bring it up.

    “I saw that you withdrew $xxx last month.  WHat was that for?”  Or “I saw we wrote your brother a check for $xxx, what’s the deal?”

    If you have joint finances and he’s spending your money without telling you, you don’t have to tip toe around asking him what’s going on.  It doesn’t mean that he has to stop, but he does have to include you in the decision.  Darling Husband and I help out his brother every so often.  He clears it with me first, and I’m reasonable about being accommodating to what he wishes to do for his brother. 

    If, on the other hand, you have decided to keep your finances seperate and this is not coming from a joint account, then you don’t really have a stake in the game.  You can tell him your opinion, but it’s his decision in that case.

    The topic ‘Talking money and Enlaws’ is closed to new replies.

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