Post # 32
I wouldn’t directly talk about the weight, but why don’t you try to spend time with her and inivite her out to do something more physical to get excercise. Ask her to go for a walk with you, or ride bikes. Help inspire a healthier life style.
Post # 33
my sister signed me up for a half marathon, a few months after I had my son – just to help me lose that extra baby weight. It really helped. I was forced to run and I did! It wasn’t rude or anything…she just wanted me to feel good about myself again.
Post # 34
I don’t agree with Corgi at all. I have a 14 year old relative who is almost obese. she walks hunched over as if it hurts her back. she eats, like 2x the amount of food than anybody else. like, I’ve seen her put away an entire pizza and then have a huge piece of pie on top of it. I believe she is depressed (she also does not take care of her hygene at all) and has a food addiction. she needs to get counceling, I think it’s too late for her to do anything on her own.
I’ve talked to her mother and she is aware, but she will not talk to her daughter about it. it KILLS me. I have no idea what to do!
Post # 35
As an overweight person who has been overweight for over 20 years, I can honestly say that you CAN say something, but you should wait for her to bring it up first.
Would you feel comfortable taking her for a mani/pedi and then dinner or lunch? If you do some sisterly bonding, I’m sure it will come up somehow. Not exactly “I am overweight and I’m frustrated” but other hints as to why she has gotten this way. Those could easily segway into a discussion about how she’s eating, etc. If her mom’s not eating right, then she’d definitely need a push to choose healthy foods over those which are in the house.
Post # 36
You can extend the advice to do physical activities with her to educational activities regarding food. Sign up for a cooking class together, preferably one that focuses on healthy eating. Invite her over for dinner and have her help you cook. Invite her over for movie nights and serve cut veggies with hummus.
The best thing you can do now is expose her to other, healthier ways of eating. It’s 100% possible to do so in a way that is positive and health–focused, rather than making it a conversation about weight. Being a healthy role model is of the upmost importance here. She needs to see you making good choices – mostly healthy foods, enjoying sweets/fats sparingly, but not completely depriving yourself.
Post # 37
Id say DO talk to her. Nicely, be understanding, listen to her. if she chooses not to talk, then just say u understand and maybe when the time is right, talk to her again. Yes shes definetly aware, of course she is! but sometimess.. we all need to hear it from someone else to help wake us up —
Post # 38
I don’t think you should ignore it completely. I also think she is probably smart enough to see through any suggestions about doing something physical or suggestions about healthy eating. People who have issues with their weight, whether it is eating too much or too little, tend to have larger emotional reasons behind these behaviors. I like the PP suggestion of a mani/pedi and dinner to check in with how your sister is doing. Ask her about how things are going, her home life, school, etc. and hopefully this will open the talk up to more sensitive issues and give you a bigger picture of her life in general.
Post # 39
As a woman and adolescent who is/was overweight, I actually think it should be addressed somehow. In my opinion, it’s easier to break unhealthy habits at an earlier age, rather than waiting. Also, what if there was a medical or underlying emotional reason for her weight gain? Wouldn’t you want her to be able to address that? If you are uncertain of how to approach her about this, maybe someone in the family could ask a physician to bring it up at her next visit. The one time that I really responded to another individuals prompts for me to do something about my weight, was when my OB said that she noticed I had been gaining about 10-15 lbs. per year. Then, she suggested that I work to maintain my weight and gradually take the weight off. Best luck with this decision!!
Post # 40
I think that it’s most likely she’s overweight either because she has poor examples or there is an underlying issue, such as depression, bullying, etc. See if you can get her to open up about other areas of life, maybe at a girls’ day out or something, and see if there are any hidden problems. Also, you and her parents can be the examples- if she sees everyone around her eating better she might too. Also, if possible, get her parents not to stock junk food in the house. If she’s hungry for a snack, and she has an option of chocolate, it’s tempting. But if there’s only fruit, yogurt, crackers, whatever healthy snack she’d eat, then that is what she’ll eat. Also, healthier dinners- do her parents cook? What kind of food? Do they eat out a lot?
I believe she knows she’s overweight, as PPs have said, and as a plus size myself, saying anything to me about my weight would just make me more upset about it and more depressed, no matter how nicely you approach it.
Post # 41
Ugh, I agree with PP. I highly doubt she doesn’t realize she’s overweight. I know you have good intentions, but I’m going to go against the grain here and advise you not to lecture her on healthy eating, lifestyle and exercising. It’s probably more of an emotional issue than a common sense issue.
People have always assumed that because I’m fat, I must be stupid and just sit on the couch all day, stuffing my face with junk food. There’s nothing I hate more than smug thin people who think they’re being subtle. Earlier in my engagement, Future Mother-In-Law was telling me I should start walking more to get in shape for the wedding, and Future Sister-In-Law (who is 5’5, weighs 90 lbs and lives on pizza and soda) butted in and asked if I know that fruit is good for me. Seriously?????
Post # 42
my only advice is to not put it out there in a “you’re overweight” kind of way. i would take a passive approach and just try to encourage healthy eating and exercise – ask her to come for a walk with you, or go for a hike together, or a bike ride. Invite her over for dinner and make something delicious but very healthy. Give her gentle ideas and support and hope for the best.
Post # 43
Her parents need to be concerned about this- at this age she does not have enough control of her circumstances to create a supportive envirnoment should she be willing to lose weight. The parents need to take to her to a doctor, have the doctor explain health risks of obesity and then if she is on board take her to a dietician and have the dietician instruct the parents and their daughter on how they can provide a healthier diet. If the parents don’t care then this is an issue with them that you need to pursue.
Post # 44
I was overweight my whole life, up until my early 20’s and believe me I KNEW I WAS OVERWEIGHT….it was hard,…really hard…I think I would encourage her by using yourself as the scapegoat…meaning that you could say I need motivation for my wedding so I need a work out partner this could simply be walking….and if she agrees then I would just talk to her and listen, she might just open up and tell you what’s going on….sometimes lending an ear is all the support and motivation a teenager needs…(this of course will only work if you live close to one another), but I would still try to have a talk with him not about her weight…but just ask her how she’s doing and then and only then encourage her with something she wants to do…
Post # 45
When i was struggling with my weight during college the one thing that pissed me off most was having my 120 pound i-can-eat-anything-and not gain a pound mother trying to talk to me about it, and my toothpick sister always giving me little tips like “take a sip of water between every bite!” is there ANYONE who can talk to her that has struggled with weight but is now living a healthy lifestyle? Somebody who she can relate to? I always felt that twiggy family members who has never been overweight were the first to comment and it felt like an attack and made me defensive. Try suggesting you guys do active activities that are more fun like rock climbing, skiing, scuba diving, ice skating, biking rather than just exercise “hey want to go for a run?” haha nope!
Post # 46
Thanks, bees, for your advice and comments. I definitely wasn’t going to inform her that she was overweight but as some of you mentioned I’m concerned about her emotional and mental health as well. Unfortunately, I don’t live nearby but the rest of my family does. I think I may talk with them and see if we can implement some of your suggestions. I definitely don’t want her to feel attacked and wasn’t sure that talking to her was best. Thanks, everyone, you have all been very helpful.
ETA: I can definitely relate to a lot of the feelings you expressed and it makes total sense. I’m not overweight but have struggled with acne my entire life, so I, too, know what it feels like when well meaning family, friends, and even strangers make comments. It doesn’t help.