(Closed) Talking to FI mother today

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@marielubert:  It’s a really awkward situation to put her in.  I really can’t imagine going to my Future Mother-In-Law regarding my relationship with my Fiance.  You can’t pretend it never happened and have her forget what you said.  Can you think of anyone else?  Even someone such as a therapist, priest/pastor, etc.?

Post # 5
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@marielubert:  While you may feel close to your Future Mother-In-Law, I wouldn’t discuss it with her. Put yourself in her shoes, this is her son, her baby. You may feel connected with her but that connection is because she expected you to be in her son’s life. I wouldn’t do it.

Post # 6
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I dont think you should be talking to your Future Mother-In-Law about this, the person you need to talk to is your Fiance.  Her loyalty lies with her son, how will this make her feel?? and if he finds out how will he feel?   You can not talk to his mother about your relationship with her son.  If you can not talk to your Fiance, you need to talk to somebody else, i dont think its wise to talk to his mother even if you feel very close to her….. I agree with  @kay01:  

This is not a mutual friend our a relative you are talking about this is her SON!!  I am super close with my husbands mother, we even work together and I can talk to her about anything, but never would I have gone to her with this type of problem…. dont put your Future Mother-In-Law in that situation, its not fair to her or to him and its a really bad idea no matter what type of person she is or how close your relationship is… its a BAD IDEA!!!!

Post # 7
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I wouldn’t talk to her until after you have made some decisions. You may be close, but you are messing with her baby. What if you decide to go through with the wedding? She will know that you aren’t fully in love with him? This sounds disastrous 

Post # 8
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I have to agree with pp. It’s a terrible position to put her in, I have a son and I don’t care how much I love the girl he’ll marry It would always affect how I feel about her. I have read your posts could you step away from the relationship for awhile. You can’t keep him waiting forever and I doubt your going to suddenly wake up one day and be completely sure. It’s going to hurt for you both but this isn’t good either right?

Post # 9
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@marielubert: I have not read your other posts so I’m not sure what is going on, but I’m assuming it’s just an overall feeling of not knowing if this is your life partner.  Here’s my two cents… 

If you’re venting, then by all means, it is great to let it out to someone other than your Fiance, but if you want something to change, approach the problem head on…and the problem you have seems to be with Fiance and that’s where it should stay.  If the situation were reversed and he approached someone else and “spread” the issue on to others outside of the relationship, wouldn’t you be resentful?  If he is not someone you can go to, especially when it is something between the two of you, I think the only person you need to consult with is yourself and walk away from this if that is your truest desire.  You owe nothing to anyone except yourself…do what makes you satisfied in your life. 

 

Post # 10
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Also, consider the impact that this may have on your FI’s relationship with his mother.  If you talk to her, end up leaving him based on her advice, and he finds out, he’s going to be so hurt.  

If you’re truly so up in the air about the relationship, it probably means you’re checked out and should walk away, at least for a little while.  You shouldn’t need to have his Future Mother-In-Law tell you what to do; listen to yourself.  Do you want to stay?  Do you want to go?  If she says stay, and your gut tells you go, what are you going to do then?  Who are you going to listen to?  She can’t answer these questions that you need answers to; only you can.  

Post # 11
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@marielubert:  I just have to say it again REALLY BAD IDEA, no matter what type of person she is our how close you two are, this is not something you should talk to her about, you need to find somebody else to talk to!!!!

Post # 13
Member
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Nope, talking to Future Mother-In-Law about this would not be a good thing. Seek out a relative or friend to confide in.

Post # 14
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Agree with PP. Once you have resolved things with Fiance, you can never go back and take away this conversation, it will always color her understanding of you/your relationship with her son.

The BEST advice I ever got was to never talk through issues w/ BF/FI with family or friends. They remember after you have moved on!!!

 

Post # 15
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I understand your need to talk this through with somebody, because you feel terrible and it’s consuming your thoughts and energy. But purging this onto her is a terrible idea. As stated before, you to take take time out for yourself to figure out what your heart wants. Dont go blabbing to her before you take that time. Slow down!

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