tattoo drama

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
2409 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Personally, if my husband decided on a prominent tattoo such as this, that (obviously) is permanent, without getting my input… I would be pissed. I find prominent, hard to cover tattoos unattractive and would be very disheartened if my husband permanently altered his body in a way that made him less attractive to me. I would get over it, because our relationship is not about looks, but it would be a bit of a bummer.

Post # 32
Member
81 posts
Worker bee

My dog passed away this week and I’ve booked in to have a memorial tattoo as well. Tbh your tattoo is lovely and you should be happy that you’ve got such a lovely thing on your body to remember him by. 

Your husbands comments are awful and I’d be seriously angry. He should understand why your dog was so important to you and be supportive in your decision. 

Post # 33
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

So I am very pro tattoo. I just had a large abstract piece done on my shoulder going done my arm. I have several tattoos, so does my husband. But our tattoos are also very carefully picked customs pieces of art. (And we each have a 90’s memento as well… nothing we want to do about that though). I can’t say that I love each tattoo I see out there. Neither the art nor the job but that’s personal taste. I don’t have to love it as it’s not mine. 

As for parents. I am 37 and I still try to hide all my tattoos from my mother. I don’t always succeed and then she gives me shit about it. And she doesn’t stop. Once she starts japping about it she won’t stop for a very long time. Once she saw a new tattoo and started to take breath to start a tirade so I pushed my husband towards her and ran 😂 (please see this as a slapstick kinda comdedy because we all laughed very much about my reaction). I just tell her that I am almost 40 and she needs to stop getting into my business. She then proceeds to explain that she’s my mother and still needs raise and protect me. My dad just does the eye roll thing. Parents won’t stop being parents even after a new tattoo. You parents will get over it. 

But you should have discussed the placement and motive with your husband. I always do. He helps me to make the final decision. He’s the one who will see it most (aside from me) and I want him to like my tattoos. Also I can be sure he will tell me the truth. I was into a design for a couple of month but he talked me out of it. And I am grateful as it wasn’t me at all. His option matters greatly to me. You can’t do anything about it now but for the future (Tattoo’s are kinda addictive)

And now stop worrying about it. In the end it’s you who has you to love it. I am sad for you because a tattoo should be fun and you should enjoy it and not question your decision. That’s a horrible feeling! It’s a lovely tattoo! Enjoy it! 

And I feel for your loss. My dog is my child. I love her to bits and dread the day she will cross the rainbow bridge… 

Post # 34
Member
1899 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

i have two fairly large tattoos but they are on my back and easy to cover. However the day i got a matching tattoo with my sister on the side of my finger is when my husband got pissed. He was mainly worried how my job would react to such a visible tattoo more then anything though.

Not everyone will understand the meaning of your tattoo which is perfectly normal, but as far as people being pissed about placement, i dont get it, its not on your face or neck, and seems to me to be easy to cover while wearing a shirt. 

Post # 36
Member
611 posts
Busy bee

shadesofbay :  I have tattoos, and added to an old ankle tattoo that now covers half of my lower leg. Fiancé was far from pleased, and upset at how large it came out. I love it, and of course, that’s all that matters. It doesn’t bother my fiancé any more, and I’ll get only an occasional snarky but funny comment from him. I think your husband may never love it, but he will get used to it in time. I have my dog’s large paw print on my back, and I understand how it helps to memorialize their memory. I think the placement of your Corgi is a good location! He will probably not fade as quickly given this area of your arm is less exposed to sunlight. 

I wanted to add fiancé mentioned recently he now wants a leg tattoo! Maybe the idea of mine grew on him. I love yours, and I hope you get lots of compliments on it in front of hubby. 😉

 

Post # 37
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

If my partner got a large, prominent tattoo and didn’t discuss placement with me, I would look at him very differently. Part of partnership is compromise and seeing things from the other person’s perspective.

I don’t get to tattoo my forehead and he doesn’t get to pierce his d*ck without BOTH of us being on board. I think of new tattoos, piercings and other body modifications as a “two yes/ one no” scenario. 

Post # 38
Member
10202 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

While I won’t disagree that compromise and negotiation are essential in a healthy partnership, I think there are a land mines in this particular situation.

When OP first broached the subject of the memorial tattoo, at what point did her husband respond in a spirit of compromise and negotiation?  Did he not just shut her down entirely, knowing quite well how much pain his wife was in?  

In fact, OP’s husband ganged up on her with her own parents.  Again, at what point did he open the door to a reasonable, adult discussion?

We also must always be mindful of the very real patriarchal undercurrent that can run through these types of battles. I am not saying that this applies here. But, it’s worthy of consideration. Is the husband’s anger driiven, in any part, by some patriarchal notion, conscious or otherwise, that he gets to make decisions about what his wife does with her own body?

I’m giving real side eye to any husband who would tell his wife that she looked like “white trash”.

Post # 39
Member
342 posts
Helper bee

Even if he called your tattoo ‘white trash’ and not you yourself-  that’s still an awful thing to say and especially awful considering that tattoo is a memorial to your beloved fur baby. How dare he be so insensitively heartless while you’re grieving. And I agree, if he suddenly has ‘other issues’ to discuss with you, now is not the time. He should be supportive of you while you’re grieving, not kicking you when you’re already down. frown

Post # 40
Member
6866 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

jannigirl :  Yep, this is exactly how I feel. Likewise my husband would be pretty pissed if I went out and got a tattoo, not just in general, but especially one visible. He finds tattoos on women to be unattractive, and that’s something he’s been upfront with since the beginning of our relationship. I’m not into tattoos either so I would be pretty upset if he did it. Are we each in control of our own bodies? Of course. But being in a marriage is about a partnership and when you make decisions I feel it’s only fair to discuss it with your partner. We keep individual bank accounts but I wouldn’t agree to buy a Kia and come home with a Range Rover. 

Post # 41
Member
480 posts
Helper bee

First of all, I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s so hard when a dog/cat passes. To some they are like children (rightfully so) and it’s such a hard thing to go through.

That tattoo looks great! The lines in the name are fantastic and the shading of the paw print are great. It may spread a little and in that placement, the shape will change depending on how you gain/lose weight, but it’s not going to crazy distort like if you were to have it on your hip. So your tattoo artist was a smart person and glad they talked to you about placement and advised you to another area.

The fact that your husand said it looks like white trash is the most appauling thing and I would be livid with him. What a total ignorant d-bag comment to make.

I would honestly say f$%* you, it’s my body, it’s not some horribly done protrait, tasteful, a rememberance and get the hell over it. Wear that tattoo with pride and of course lather it with lotion or ointment and make sure you take care of it so it heals nicely. Ha.

I have 11 tattoos myself, a few of which are very large and visible unless I wear longer sleeves. I love tattoos and original ones.

Post # 42
Member
10202 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

sweetdee89 :  

And plenty of sunscreen!

Post # 43
Member
480 posts
Helper bee

sassy411 :  OMG yes!!! Especially on a fresh tattoo! I would lather up the sunscreen on my tattoo specifically and after a day in the sun you could see a ring of paleness around the tattoos. Hahahahaha.

Post # 44
Member
827 posts
Busy bee

If my SO tried to kick me when I was down over the death of my heart dog… ugh. There would be so many negative consequences to his insensitivity. Someone who loves you DOES NOT do that. 

Post # 45
Member
1032 posts
Bumble bee

shadesofbay :  I am so glad that you guys are ok. Tats are a funny thing with the ones we love sometimes. I have 5 myself, but only 2 are some visible depending…- a very small letter A on the inside of my left wrist which is easily covered by a bracelet or watch and a small black branch with a bird on the top of my left foot.  The others are on my back/ribs.

However, my adult daughter (22 yr old) is apparently falling down into the tat black hole! LOL. I paid for her first one, which was a pair of pilot’s wings to honor her dad who passed away unexpectedly 8 years go. This one was on her torso so not many people could see it (hopefully! ha!). Fast forward to yesterday, she sent me a photo on her newest tat on the inside of her arm – exactly where yours is – a replica of the decorative design on the piano her dad used to play. She also has several small tats visible on her forearms (that she had done on her own over the past several years). I immediately wanted to give her a lecture about societal judgments and whatnot. But I took a breath and thought about how much it meant to her (just like yours to you) and decided she’s an adult – her body, her choice.  

Your tattoo is beautiful. Wear it in good health. I’m so sorry about the loss of your baby. I have two fur babies who are my children too so I get it. 🙂 

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