(Closed) TATTOOS: IS SPOUSAL APPROVAL NECESSARY??

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
Member
9944 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Lana_Rose:   Hmmm, interesting that he seems to be flipping mode on you.  I’m in agreement with your stance on this.  Keep talking to him, maybe he’ll come around or at least give you a more rational reason (not what his family thinks, for heaven’s sake) why he’s suddenly so concerned about this.  You have a great attitude about it, not like you’re not taking his feelings into consideration.  (Maybe he’s jealous, lol.)  😉

Post # 18
Member
1328 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

That really is a tough one. On one hand, you both have a bunch already and he married you knowing you planned to get more. So it’s not like this is such a shock to him. But if I were to get another tattoo or if Fiance wanted to get one it’s something we would discuss first.

Has he seen the design you have in mind? Maybe that will help him really picture what it will look like and come to terms with it. You could also pose a question of what if you had gotten that tattoo before you met? Would have changed wanting to marry you? Sometime just talking it our and showing another perspective on it can change opinions.

 

Post # 21
Member
1417 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

I suppose that’s based on each individual couple.  In my relationship the asnwer would be yes.

Post # 22
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand

As someone who loves and has tattoos, I thought this was an interesting question. I agree with @rachelmichelle comment, but I also agree with your response to it. I know this isn’t what you’re asking, but I’m curious, would he object to you getting more tattoos if they weren’t in such a visible spot? I only ask because although to you it isnt an issue that it is in a visible spot and that’s what you want, etc I fully believe in compromise. For example, DH only has one tattoo currently. He wants a full sleeve but (for reasons I can’t explain) I am not comfortable with that and proposed as a compromise a half sleeve. He is happily looking into it and I would also allow him input in my future ink (as in, he would be opposed to my getting a tramp stamp, so I won’t). Without further rambling, I guess what I’m getting at is if he is only against this tattoo because of the spot it’s in, I would relent and maybe consider another area of my body. But if he was saying no more tattoos ever, I would say get over it and just do it. 

Post # 23
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think HIS approval is necessary, but his approval shouldn’t be contingent on his parents feelings.They’re thoughts and opinions about your body should not matter to either of you.

 

 

 

Post # 25
Member
12244 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think your solution to have him there and agree on the final placement/design is great!

And unless your boob tat is actually a neck tat, I’m SURE you could cover it!

Post # 26
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand

@Lana_Rosethis it probably going to sound stupid and childish then, but in that case I would just propose both highly visible tattoo design/spots and tell him your choice, it’s one or the other but I’m not NOT getting at least one of these. I’m just giving you the chance to have some input. 

Post # 27
Member
2183 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

My husband had no tattoos, and I have two. He up and decided he wanted one. I was against it. He really wanted it. I said okay; he got it.

I think spousal approval is necessary, but the spouse has to honor the wishes of his/her partner, too. So, I expressed it wasn’t my favorite idea of his… he still really wanted it… I supported it. Just because I support something doesn’t mean I like it. 

Post # 28
Member
2762 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2007

That’s a tough topic. I have a tattoo that my DH hates, I got it while we were married and he has always been against it. It was something I’ve always wanted and his reasons for disliking it outweighed how much it meant to me, so w/e he got over it. 

I guess my opinion is that it should be discussed, and if there are seriously good reasons the partner is opposed to it theindicidual should take it into consideration. 

 

PS I love chest pieces!

Post # 29
Member
11528 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

View original reply
@Lana_Rose:  Yes, because, if you already had the chest tattoo prior to marriage, and your then-FI wanted to marry you, then he certainly could not object to your keeping it after you’re married (unless he objected to it prior to marriage and you had agreed prior to marriage to try to have it removed or covered in the future.)

However, just because your DH is OK with the tattoos both of you had prior to marriage does not mean that he does not now have a right to decide that he prefers that you do not get this new one.

Post # 31
Member
3695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

View original reply
@Lana_Rose:  Do you think he would have had a different reaction if you had told him about your plans, showed him your ideas/drawings, and asked him about it BEFORE you made the appointment? 

Because I’d be ok with my husband doing pretty much anything, but I would be ticked if he’d already made the appointment.  At that point – talking about it is just an “FYI, but F you I’m doing it anyway.” 

I would absolutely expect my husband to talk to me about getting a tattoo before he made any steps in that direction.  I look at him more than he does, ffs.  I’d give him the same courtesy, because I believe like Brielle that we belong to each other and have some say in the way we present our bodies to the world.

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