I’m a teacher and my husband is a doctor, so we’ve had discussions much like you’ve had, except my husband was respectful towards me. He is jealous that I get to stay home all the time, but we communicate about it. We have always had an agreement that whoever is less busy, does the housework. When he was in med school and I was in my first year of teaching, there were a few months where he was less busy and he did all the cooking and cleaning. Well, now that I’m on break and he’s in residency, I do 100% of the cleaning and dog care (he still cooks, I really hate cooking lol), as well as whatever else needs to happen (I just took the car in to get its service, for example). The thing is, though, he NEVER has left me a chore list! He will say, “I need to do this, can you help me with it?” in a very respectful way. He knows I’m not his maid and always thanks me when I clean or run an errand for him. I think THAT’s the difference. Respect and gratitude.
Also, to be honest, even though we don’t officially work over the summer, there’s still work to be done! I’ve spent probably 4 hours a day every day this week working. Now, I realize it’s not anywhere near full time, but I’m actually NOT getting paid right now to work. Almost every teacher I know still lesson plans and works over the summer.
Another thing that I explain to my husband is that being a teacher is unlike many other jobs. When we are at work, we are ON. We are being watched by 20-40 sets of eyes AT ALL TIMES. There is no relaxing, no down time (well, except our preps and those are jam packed with grading, phone calls, meetings, etc.), and we often work 10-12 hour days like that. Also, I don’t know about you, but I work 10-12 hours a day, SIX days a week during the school year.
My advice is to have a conversation with your husband. Explain what you do during the day. If you are working on lesson plans, let him know. If you are running errands and doing chores that you never have time to do during the school year, let him know. Good luck!