(Closed) Teacher on summer break, husband super critical

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 76
Member
3797 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

OP, hope you and your husband were able to talk and sort things out. Any update on what you said or how he took it?

Should add…”summers off” (whatever that means) is a perk of teaching, for sure. But anyone who goes into teaching for the perks is going to have their ass handed to them quickly. You’ll see most teachers scoff at people who even suggest they want to switch careers due to these reasons, and even more now (sadly) who will say even these perks don’t make it worth the stress. 

Post # 77
Member
239 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Ok I’m going to come in and say this and probably will get some heat for it, but I don’t care. im not sure her husband is doing anything wrong.

In my current situation, my husband has been in between jobs for the past few months. I leave the house at 7am and don’t get back until 7pm For work. I come home and literally nothing has been done. No laundry, no cleaning, no dishes, no food, no nothing. The house actually looks worse every day. And it’s really frustrating. As a part of being a functioning household, both people need to contribute. If the OP is on summer breaks and therefore thinks that she doesn’t have to contribute at all, she’s wrong! the last thing I want to do when I get home is make the bed, vacuum, and cut the grass. Or on Saturdays, my one day off, I would like to relax instead of cleaning up the entire house. Because nothing gets done, I leave honey do lists, because otherwise they wouldn’t get done. It’s not me treating him like a child, it’s just a part of both people contributing to a household. 

If OP is doing household thjngs though out the day, then ya, her husband is going a little far. But I can see his frustration if OP thinks that just because she’s on summer break that she has a break from anything household related. 

Post # 78
Member
2184 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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dontstopbeelievin:  he’s just jealous but there’s no need for him to be a PRICK! Which…he IS being.

I have teacher friends and while I’m suuuuper jealous of their time off I also know they dont get to just show up at their job and leave at the end of the day and thats THAT. Theres pre-prep work, theres grading things on your OWN TIME, theres doing up lesson plans, and spending FULL weekends doing up report cards etc etc etc…….. There are certain times of year I wouldnt even see or hear from these people!

Your DH needs a taste of his own medicine…..next school year when your busy doing school things after the “normal workday” is over when HE’s relaxing you give him that stupid list!

I have every second friday off because its normal in the oil industry where I am….BUT we work the hours for it. We have 10 hour workdays (including lunch) mon-thursday and regular hours on the fridays we work. Every 2 weeks those extra hours add up to a full day = hence we get one off. My DH always jokes with me EVERY thursday night before I have off but it is just in a playful way. He knows I spend that day running errands and cleaning the house etc…. I work 80 hours a paychq just like everyone else its just in a diff way!

my DH knows that if he were say to me the things like your DH is saying or tried to tell me what to do on my days off he will get a punch in the throat LOL

Post # 79
Member
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

 

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dontstopbeelievin:  I am also a teacher, but I work part time during the summer (8-12). My SO doesn’t make mean comments, but I’ve had other comments from friends and after reading though some of the comments on this thread, I felt the need to give my two cents. A few bees commented that they work 10-12 hours/day all year, but I think it’s necessary to point out that a teacher’s salary is usually significantly less than professions requiring a similar amount of schooling (a Master’s in my state).  Also, many states require teachers to set SMART goals and provide hard evidence of achieving these goals. Yes, it’s great to have goals and should be a requirement, but I’d like to point out that all of this is done outside of school hours at least where I work and we receive no additional compensation.  So, while it may seem like teachers have the summers and nights off, many are still working from home. Addionally, a lot of teachers spend their own money on classroom supplies or attending professional development to keep their license. 

That said, I’m not complaining about being a teacher. I love my job and summer is a relaxing time. I dont think teachers “deserve” this time off more than other professionals, but I think it’s a nice perk and something that most people are aware of going into the job.    It’s unfortunate that not everyone can enjoy the same amount of vacation time, but we all make career choices based on a number of factors. Perks to jobs should not be held against the worker when we all have the same choices when picking a career.

That said, I know I didn’t answer the original question, but I can completely understand where you are coming from. It’s tough listening to these comments, but I think your best bet would be to just have a heart to heart with your husband. Let him know how you are feeling and maybe he will lay off.

  • This reply was modified 7 years, 4 months ago by citysparkle.
Post # 80
Member
4685 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

First of all OP, Im jealous of you too! lol

But for serious… I wish someone would give me a damn to do list!!!! he is your husband, not your damn boss. I would nip that shit real quick. I would purposely not do a thing on tha tlist until he realized that we are a team and I am not his to command around. I would still do things around the house, just not those specific things on that stupid list. So you are much nicer than I if you did those things, or if you didn’t say anything to him when he did that.

that’s incredibly inappropriate. He needs to get over it and start respecting you more. Geez.

Post # 81
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Haven’t read all the comments – but let’s flip this and assume it was a wife saying this to a husband that was staying at home… I have a feeling people wouldn’t be as much in an uproar.  Yes, you deserve a break, but my guess is he’d like you to do more around the house since you have the time.  Is he going about it the right way, not necessarily.  Maybe sit down and have an actual chat as to how he’d like to divide responsibilities during the summer when you don’t work during the day. 

Post # 82
Member
446 posts
Helper bee

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dontstopbeelievin:  He is massively jealous of your time off. I suggest you keep up the facade of whirlwind activity so that he calms down. Perhaps start vacuuming the hallway or polishing a glass. Remind yourself that he will be out of the door shortly. I wouldn’t even try to talk about it. He won’t change his mind about it. People cannot stop being jealous, suddenly if it is in their character.

Any man can be appeased through food. If you made him elaborate breakfasts, I think he would keep quiet.

Post # 83
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2016

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Bexx:  It’s not that he’s asking her to do things, it’s how he’s approaching it. There’s no reason for her husband to be condescending, which is what he is doing. Bexx, it sounds like you have issues of your own to work out and would suggest that you sit and talk with your husband  helto  improve it, rather than be critical here yourself. Lending support and how to deal with the situation is what we’re trying to do here. <br /><br />I’m sorry for your situation, but really a lot of us have been through it–believe it or not, I can relate to it. Communication is what has helped us get through it. The situation sucks, but that’s life and we just need to deal with it the best we can. <br /><br />On another note, I’m surprised at some of the comments on here…does everyone really think that teachers sit around all summer and do nother to prepare for the following year?? These are people that educate the future of this country–a pretty serious position, if you ask me. Is there time for her to do some house work? Sure, but that doesn’t mean that she’s sitting around simply waiting for school to start in the fall.

  • This reply was modified 7 years, 4 months ago by Megs7.
Post # 84
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2016

View original reply
dontstopbeelievin:  As many have mentioned, I would sit and have a chat about how he’s approaching the situation. Right now your time is definitely more flexible that his, but that’s no reason for him to be acting this way. Maybe sitting down and explaining how your job works during the school year, how you prepare for next year, etc will help him to understand your position. Maybe there’s something he’d really like completed before he gets home–it’s no problem if he lets you know (how else are you supposed to know about it!) But the way he’s approaching it isn’t very respectful to you. Communication, communication, communication. I can’t tell you how much it’s helped me and my fiance in the years we’ve lived together! <br /><br />Best of luck, and THANK YOU for all you do in the classroom!!!

  • This reply was modified 7 years, 4 months ago by Megs7.
Post # 85
Member
2155 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

View original reply
dontstopbeelievin:  

I would say jealously. I’m a teacher and my Fiance has a seasonal job as well. He’s off for a few months in the winter, and I know when I’m busting my ass and he’s not working I get jealous of him too… but not in a mean way. That is unnecessary. He doesn’t say anything negative about me being home now… I’m using this time to plan our wedding, so it’s actually working out really well. 

You really need to talk to him, unless you plan on changing your career do you want to put up with this for the rest of your life?

Post # 86
Member
1946 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I can’t believe how many people on this thread are bashing the OP for actually ENJOYING the time off that she has!!!  It’s not attractive or fair to take your jealousy out on someone by telling them to work harder.  

You know what all of you meanies and the OPs husband can do?  Get a job as a teacher!  Then you’ll have summers off too!  What’s stopping you?

The judgment on this thread is unreal.  It’s actually worse than the threads about SAHWs, which is weird, because OP actually HAS A FULL TIME JOB.  It just happens to come with a lot of vacation.  So good for her!

Post # 88
Member
3032 posts
Sugar bee

Some thoughts and ideas.

You need to have a very serious talk about this.  He has to realise that he is not allowed to treat you this way, period.  You are simply recuperating from all the extra work during the rest of the year.  Without this time to yourself you will suffer from burnout.

Let him know just how much he is upsetting and hurting you.

 

In the meantime do not send him reports of what you have been doing.  Instead make sure you send plenty of spoof messages to him throughtout the day 

“I’m sitting by the pool soaking in the sunshine.”

” I’ve invited friends around for champagne and caviar”.

“Just spent three hours reading a magazine”.

“Abseiling is such fun”.

“I must remember to book a tennis court.”

Once you’ve done this then plan your break carefully.  Meet up with friends at least once a week.  Give yourself some days out.   Its okay to keep the home going but don’t forget to have some “me” time.  

If you are given a list of things to do then give your husband a list of things he has to do for you.  They all have to be fun – candlelight dinners, romantic walks, flowers, etc.  Let him know that you expect him to work at romance.

 

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