Post # 1
I just need to vent!
So this weekend my daughter who is 18 decided to move out because she didn’t like the rules at home anymore. She came home intoxicated and I grounded her. She thought that by moving out she would avoid this. She doesnt even have a job and is still in high school. I feel helpless and want her back but at the same time I want her to learn and realize that life is not that easy.
I feel a huge void inside but what can I do. 🙁 Has anyone ever been through this and how did you deal with it?
Post # 3
did she actually leave? where did she go?
Post # 4
I don’t know if you really can do anything. She might still be in high school, but she’s legally an adult. I suspect the best thing to do is make sure she knows she’s loved and welcomed back into the home. That doesn’t mean the punishment goes away because it’s still your house, your rules. However, at some point just being grounded in the comfort of home will be more comfortable than where she is now.
Or, if you honestly think the “scared straight” tactics would work better, you could always call her to ask where you need to ship her stuff. I don’t really suggest that route, but only you know your daughter well enough to know which kind message might get through her head.
I don’t have any experience with it from a parenting side, but I was once a rebel teen with the flexibility to move to move across family members when I got pissed at one of them. I did just that when I was 13. I left my mom’s house and moved in with my dad. At first, the freedom was awesome. After about 6 months, it got very old. I moved back in with my mom. We still fought and had issues, but I wasn’t ready to pack it up again after that experience. I learned enough to demand we go to therapy to work through issues instead of just fighting all the time. So, yeah, teens can learn. Sometimes it just takes some space and time.
Post # 5
She moved in with a girlfriend. I told her that I didnt want her to move but that this was her choice. Her dad is happy because he doesnt have to pay childsupport anymore so he is encouraging it. I would bet anything that he will be givign her money and buying her things making this move easy on her.
I dont want to do the scared tactic but I want her to see that it is not so easy out there as she thinks it is. One thing I know for sure, is that if and when she returns, she will be grounded. I have a younger daughter who is a sponge right now and I would hate to think that she would grow up thinking she too can get away with anything.
Post # 6
Get in contact with her school. The counselors have seen/ heard of EVERYTHING (believe me, I’m a teacher!), and should be able to point you in the right direction. It can also help if the staff is alerted and can keep an eye out for any issues in school. I’d want to know if this were one of my students.
Post # 7
Stand strong! Even if her dad gives her $, in 10 years from now she WILL understand and appreciate and admire and respect you for being a good mom! My son is 12 and I can see this hapening! Good luck to you! While underage drinking happens, she was disrespectful by coming home intoxicated. That’s why I say hold your ground! Her living n someones couch will get old quick I promise, not just to her but to her friend! I advise: Be loving and “happy” for her. Keep communication open and strong. When you talk to her just ask her how she is doing, let her know how things would be easier for her if she would come home and let her know HOW easier, but not in a way that agitates her. Just thinigs like – well you know if you came home you could save up $, or you could eat all our food…I dunno stuff that is appealing to a 18 year old.
Post # 8
@Angelz_love: Yes I agee, she is not a horrible kid but she made some stupid choices and I have to stand my ground when I tell her that I wont allow that in my house. I miss her so much and my heart aches but for her own good, I have to let her be.