(Closed) Tell family about elopement, or just say we’re engaged?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Generally, I think honesty is the best policy.  There is nothing wrong with eloping and having a reception party this summer!  I would be worried that eventually your family would find out anyways and they wouldn’t be very happy with being a part of a “fake” wedding (as you are already married before the ceremony they were involved with).

Post # 4
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Agreed – there’s no shame in an elopment! Wear your marriage with pride!

Post # 5
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree. You should be honest about it and have a very small an intimate “wedding” for close friends and family. That way you are being honest and your dad can still have the experience of walking you down the aisle. I think it would mean a lot to him.

Post # 6
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Rachface24: Be honest. 

Also, you cannot have a wedding, as you are already wed, but I hope if it is what you want have a amazing reception or celebration party.

Post # 7
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

If you were brave enough to elope, then be brave enough to tell people!  Your family deserves to know.

Post # 8
Member
3521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Definitely tell them you’re married! Also, throw an awesome party to celebrate but don’t call it a wedding (it’s not one, anyway, because you’re already married). There’s no shame in that. 🙂 And congrats!

Post # 9
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

two words for you.  —> ELOPING RULES!

don’t hide it; be proud!

Post # 10
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’d be honest as well.  And call it whatever you like.  🙂  I got married 2x’s to the most wonderful man in the world within 6 months and both of them were my weddings!

Post # 12
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I would just be honest.

My SIL was already married before her ceremony and they still had the ceremony in a church, I think the priest considered it a vow renewal. It’s am option if your dad still wants to be able to walk you down the aisle. And if after telling your parents you decide that you don’t need a ceremony, I would just have a really fun reception.

Post # 14
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think too many people know to pretend you’re engaged.  If I were invited to your “wedding,” only to find out you’d been married for months and your whole family knew, I’d feel a little angry and embarrassed.  But you can totally restage a whole big thing if you want, or do a vow renewal.  Mrs. Socks did that – she had a civil ceremony with family, then a wedding celebration without an officiant, where they got dressed up and her friends did the ceremony, etc.

Honestly, if you dad walking you down the aisle was such a huge deal, you should’ve called your parents and his parents and invited them to the elopement.  No neighbors, but your family could’ve been there.  Now that you’re married, you’re married, and you’re welcome to have a reception and/or vow renewal, but I don’t think it’s right to have a fake ceremony without cluing in your guests.

Post # 15
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Rachface24: Instead of a second wedding/faux ceremony, can you do a ring warming? It’s cozy and intimate, it gets all that are there involved in the celebration of your vows, and your dad can still be the one to present you to everyone.

I’m sorry that your parents seem to be processing it roughly, but maybe explaining to them why you did it and how you want to celebrate with everyone and honor them at a later date will help them understand and not feel upset/sad.

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