Post # 1
I’m having a difficult time trying to decide what to do about my recent elopement. My husband and I are fairly off-beat low key people who have been together almost three years. We’ve basically been living as a married couple for 1.5 years, and recently we decided to get married on an already planned weekend trip. When we originally discussed the elopement, we decided we would do it in secret, later tell people we were engaged, and then throw a small wedding.
Normally I could care less about an actual wedding, but my sister got married in Vegas, which was planned, but my parents couldn’t attend. My dad was upset that Elvis walked my sister down the aisle instead of him. This is why we wanted to hide the elopement. The main reason we eloped is my husband had major anxiety about the ceremony being in front of people. He was kind of the thought that it was too intimate to be done in front of neighbors and I was ok with that, obviously.
However, now that we are back home and married, he is DYING to tell people and call me his wife in public. It’s really quite sweet, but I’m not sure what to do in terms of my family. I’m considering tell my parents gently, and then asking them what they would like to do. If they think we should have a wedding still and not tell people, or if we should just tell people we eloped and have a party this summer in celebration. Thoughts?
Post # 3
Generally, I think honesty is the best policy. There is nothing wrong with eloping and having a reception party this summer! I would be worried that eventually your family would find out anyways and they wouldn’t be very happy with being a part of a “fake” wedding (as you are already married before the ceremony they were involved with).
Post # 4
Agreed – there’s no shame in an elopment! Wear your marriage with pride!
Post # 5
I agree. You should be honest about it and have a very small an intimate “wedding” for close friends and family. That way you are being honest and your dad can still have the experience of walking you down the aisle. I think it would mean a lot to him.
Post # 6
@Rachface24: Be honest.
Also, you cannot have a wedding, as you are already wed, but I hope if it is what you want have a amazing reception or celebration party.
Post # 7
If you were brave enough to elope, then be brave enough to tell people! Your family deserves to know.
Post # 8
Definitely tell them you’re married! Also, throw an awesome party to celebrate but don’t call it a wedding (it’s not one, anyway, because you’re already married). There’s no shame in that. 🙂 And congrats!
Post # 9
two words for you. —> ELOPING RULES!
don’t hide it; be proud!
Post # 10
I’d be honest as well. And call it whatever you like. 🙂 I got married 2x’s to the most wonderful man in the world within 6 months and both of them were my weddings!
Post # 11
Thanks for the advice everyone. We are going to tell my parents next week.I hope my dad views it as a nice early birthday surprise and not the other way around.
We’d still like to do a party at their place this summer, and maybe even some type of ceremony for people who want to see that kind of thing. I don’t know what we’d call it though: vow renewal? I wouldn’t even know where to begin with that, but I guess we’ll figure it out 🙂
Post # 12
I would just be honest.
My SIL was already married before her ceremony and they still had the ceremony in a church, I think the priest considered it a vow renewal. It’s am option if your dad still wants to be able to walk you down the aisle. And if after telling your parents you decide that you don’t need a ceremony, I would just have a really fun reception.
Post # 13
Ugh. I told my sister who lives in another country first via Skype to get her take on how to break the news to my parents and her advice was not to tell them. She was afraid that they would freak out because low and behold while we were eloping my brother was getting engaged and its just a lot of drama in my parents house right now.
Well we decided to tell them anyway. I didn’t want to wait any longer and have them upset that we waited so long. We told them last night and at first they were shocked and them my mom was totally thrilled. She asked if I was pregnant and was slightly upset that I wasn’t haha. My dad was just totally shocked and it didn’t really sink in. He kept trying to give us money, like a fist full of $100s, which was really confusing, I was actually worried he was having a stroke, but said he was really happy for us and congratulations and stuff and called one of his good friends to tell him.
Well then this morning at like 6:45, WAY before me or my dad should even be awake, my dad called and asked, “Is this some prank, some joke, or are you really married?” It sounded like he had been crying. I assured him that we were actually married, and then it sounded like he started to cry and said, “its just sinking in now. You know you’re my baby (actually I’m the first born) and now your married and I didn’t…Im need to process this. I don’t….” and then he hung up.
I called my mom on the way in to work and told her that he called and what he said, she had no idea about it. She was still thrilled about the whole thing. I don’t want to call my dad during the day today to discuss it because he’s at work and I don’t want him to start crying or anything there.
I told my mom again, because I don’t think anything we really said sank in last night, that we’d be willing to have some sort of ceremony-esque thing this summer along with a little party. My husband is good friends with an Orthodox Bishop (granted we’re not religious at all) who would have no problem even basically having a faux wedding ceremony show for older relatives. We were supposed to tell his parents tonight, but now I’m wondering if we should hold off until I hear back from my mom. I don’t want to start telling people if she comes to me and says that my dad is really having a hard time with not having a wedding-wedding, can we just pretend you’re engaged?
Post # 14
I think too many people know to pretend you’re engaged. If I were invited to your “wedding,” only to find out you’d been married for months and your whole family knew, I’d feel a little angry and embarrassed. But you can totally restage a whole big thing if you want, or do a vow renewal. Mrs. Socks did that – she had a civil ceremony with family, then a wedding celebration without an officiant, where they got dressed up and her friends did the ceremony, etc.
Honestly, if you dad walking you down the aisle was such a huge deal, you should’ve called your parents and his parents and invited them to the elopement. No neighbors, but your family could’ve been there. Now that you’re married, you’re married, and you’re welcome to have a reception and/or vow renewal, but I don’t think it’s right to have a fake ceremony without cluing in your guests.
Post # 15
@Rachface24: Instead of a second wedding/faux ceremony, can you do a ring warming? It’s cozy and intimate, it gets all that are there involved in the celebration of your vows, and your dad can still be the one to present you to everyone.
I’m sorry that your parents seem to be processing it roughly, but maybe explaining to them why you did it and how you want to celebrate with everyone and honor them at a later date will help them understand and not feel upset/sad.