(Closed) Tell me about becoming a SAHW (not mom) after you couldnt find work?

posted 3 years ago in Career
Post # 2
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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shadows9x :  It doesn’t sound like you actively want to be a stay at home wife.  You can take your time finding a new role but you don’t need to jump into being a full time stay at home wife, it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

I will say, I am not a stay at home wife and I do not see the point.  

Would you want to not go on fancy holidays or buy nice things or never upgrade your home?  Some people don’t value those things at all and that’s great for them but for me I would never willingly go without those things, they help life feel a little easier so really think about what you would be giving up.  120k AUS sounds like a lot but you will have a very different life on that salary once that’s supporting you and future children. 

How does your husband feel about you not working before kids? 

Post # 3
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

If you can’t find paid work, what about finding a part time voluntary job? Then you can still have time for cleaning etc but also feel more fulfilled. 

Post # 4
Member
2561 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I’d keep looking for a job. It really doesn’t sound as if you’d be fulfilled by staying home and that you’d miss the money for fun stuff.

Post # 5
Member
4845 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

The problem is, let’s say husband leaves one day. You’re left with no employment history, skills or anything to stand on your own two feet. This happened to three women I know in the last few years. They are older. Stayed at home to raise the kids. They’re pretty much screwed. 

Post # 6
Member
9575 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I did for a bit after a really bad job experience. I was never going to work again! Open an etsy shop for fun! As it turns out… I need to be interacting with humans everyday or else I get depressed. I lasted 8 months, 5 of which were before my wedding so I was busy, it was Spring/Summer so that was fun. After the wedding, into Fall > Winter I lost my mind, and here I am typing this from my job (that I love).

I would continue to work until kids for a few reasons:

1) 120k is a nice salary but not enough to warrant turning down another adult salary 

2) two more years experience on your resume. I know you plan to not work after kids but what about death, divorce, disablement? They dont just happen to other people. Two more years experience could net you more money should you need to work again

3) babies are expensive…. so just save 100% of your salary because youll need it. Even if you dont need for baby it can be used for family vacations, padding retirement etc. 

 

Post # 7
Member
15136 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think we’re in similar financial situations, my husband enough to cover living expenses and we have enough savings to pay off the mortage if we wanted to with healthy retirement savings.  And we already live in one of the top towns in the state so we have no desire to upgrade the house.  However, like you said, if I were to not work, we might have to watch our spending and cut back on vacations and stuff like that which I do not want to do at all.  I dont work cause I *like* work or need it to be fullfilled, I do it for the money.  I love being able to go on a vacation on a whim and splurging on nice things if we want without having to feel guilty about it or waiting to save up.  Unless we were arleady seriously loaded and had enough to not work at all and maintain our lifestyle, I would not choose to give that up for just a “clean house” or “working out” or whatever else a Stay-At-Home Wife would do… especially when I can already juggle that with making the money.  Kids is always a whole different story imo.  I plan to work right up to kids and then still not quit.  I’d switch to part time so that we still had a lot of spending money.

Post # 8
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

I think being a Stay-At-Home Wife is a role that some women thrive in and love whereas others…it’s just not for them. And I don’t think being a Stay-At-Home Wife by default is a good indicator. 

BUT- if it’s been difficult to find employment, your DH is on board with this, there’s no harm in giving it a shot, you can always change your mind and go back to job searching if you discover it’s not for you. 

For me personally, if you’re home all day/ no kids etc, I’d look into taking a few courses, either online or on campus. This way you could have the best of both worlds- you’d have more time at home to be a homemaker/ work out/ experiment in the kitchen if you’re into cooking- but you’d still have an outside interest that would also have the added benefits of improving future job searches and explaining the ’employment gap’ to potential employers. Taking a few courses of interest may even point your career aspirations in another direction. 

Post # 9
Member
5757 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

Two years ago you were posting about how you didn’t love your fiance and you didn’t find him attractive or interesting and you both recognized you settled for each other.

Yeah, don’t give up the day job, you might need it soon. 

Post # 10
Member
10542 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I was a Stay-At-Home Wife for a year while looking for a job. I fucking hated it. I was so bored. I hated doing housework. I hated not bringing any money in. I was just really miserable.

Post # 11
Member
2662 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Have a small break, by all means. But it doesn’t sound like you want to be a Stay-At-Home Wife, so don’t be one.

Post # 12
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

“He has never said anything good about me other than I am “crazy” and “bubbly”. He has pretty much told me I am average looking in passing once and in reference to both of us. He I creasing says I am mean and a bitch when I try to get him to do things that need to be done in our house and what him to stop playing xbox.

I don’t think I bring a lot to the table either. He often jokes that I don’t bring anything other than sex and money and he should be the house husband lol.”

Um based on what you said, above, I don’t think it’s a good idea in your situation to be a Stay-At-Home Wife if you’re still with the same guy.  

Post # 13
Member
2304 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise

 

View original reply
shadows9x :  

I was a Stay-At-Home Wife. It had it’s benefits and drawbacks. In my case it was a means to isolate me socially and financially because my ex was sure I was going to leave him. Which, I did. But, I digress.

It doesn’t seem like you want to stop working. If you simply haven’t been able to find a job, I’d say keep looking. In the meantime, take some classes, or find an internship.Do something to develop yourself professionally that makes you more attractive to potential employers. More skills are always beneficial, and it also establishes your ongoing commitment to the industry. This can innoculate pretty effectively against long gaps in employment.

If you do decide to stay at home, I’d recommend making a schedule for yourself. It’s easy to drift around all day without a sense of urgency, but this is part of what contributes to the boredom and ennui. Do something for yourself you never had time for. Take yoga. Plant a garden. Paint the bedroom.

Nurture your creative side; write a novel, set a goal to take a photo of a new place every week and make it into a coffee table book. Do something that helps you feel like you have a project to stimulate your mind and soul, so you can remember you have those.

Like most things, the opportunity to stop working is what you make it. If you see it as the death knell on your career, it’s probably going to feel like a depressing reminder of your inadequacies. If instead you see it as a gift of free time to explore your interests and hobbies, it can turn into a moment in your life to treasure. Totally up to you. 

Post # 14
Member
1669 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016

I don’t know why people seem to think once you leave the professional workplace the only other option is…nothing. Find a group you like to volunteer. If you really want to work and you’re good at it, become valuable to that group and there’s a decent chance it will turn into a paid opportunity later on down the road (worked out very well for my mom and little sister).

Or start your own business. Etsy, or create a website and sell off there. Publish indie books. There are SO many ways to bring in money from home, on your own time. You might not make the same as you did before, but you’ll still be earning something, keeping your skills sharp and will have something to put on your resume if you ever need to enter the workforce again. It’s not so black and white. There are options for working when you’re a housewife if you really wanted to. 

Post # 15
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee

I left my job when I got married because I actively wanted to be a Stay-At-Home Wife. I love the freedom with my time and the ability to have dinner on the table when my husband comes home, but I do miss having my own money to budget with as I please.

It doesn’t sound like you are interested in being a Stay-At-Home Wife right now and thats fine. Being unemployed while you look for a job can be like a trial period to see if being home all day is something you are interested in. 🙂

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