Post # 1
My boyfriend and I are 38 and 37 respectively. This will be a 2nd marriage for me. We’ve been together almost a year and are talking about getting married in 2019.
One problem that he brought up is that he can’t really afford a ring at the moment and is worried how long it would take him to save for one. He didn’t seem to want me to contribute to one.
I told him I really don’t NEED a ring. I wouldn’t want that to be what held up an engagement. With my first marriage I had a huge expensive ring and a terrible marriage so would much rather the opposite this time!
His mother actually told me that when she got engaged they couldn’t afford a ring so she just had a wedding band for years. This was new information to my boyfriend and seemed to make him feel better.
I asked if he feels strongly that he needs a ring to propose and he said “not as strongly as I did before we had this conversation.” Lol.
So basically we may end up getting engaged without a ring.
Would love to hear ringless proposal stories! I would still love a nice proposal with a speech and maybe kneeling even if there’s no ring.
And I know it’s no one’s business but how did you deflect strangers’ comments like “OMG let me see your ring!”?
Post # 2
I’m not sure if this counts because my husband and I both ended up with engagement rings, but the proposal did not involve one. In fact, I proposed to my husband without any gift besides a scrap book that we already had.
For our second anniversary I collected all the love notes my husband and I had written eachother and placed them in a cutesy scrap book. We continued adding to it as time went on. Then when I decided to propose I added a new page with a little rhyme asking him to marry me. He had to fill in the blank to answer.
After we got engaged I used a simple silver ring that my husband had given me a year before as a place holder for an engagement ring. Not exactly this one, but pretty similar
After we got engaged we searched for rings for both of us. My husband got mine on gemvara for $550 and I got his from etsy for $300. We chose affordable rings (though still a pretty big chunk of money for us at the time) made out of inexpensive but high quality materials.
We wanted to have a symbol of our new relationship status that didn’t break the bank. But we also didn’t mind sharing in the time before the rings arrived that we were engaged. People didn’t really have any trouble understanding that we hadn’t gotten rings.
Basically, what I’m trying to say is that people who care about you won’t have any issues understanding that you don’t need a ring to show your commitment, you don’t need a ring to make a proposal special and meaningful, you can choose engagement rings (if you want) together and for a very affordable price without making them mean any less, and an engagment ring doens’t have to be a diamond or super expensive to mean the same thing.
Post # 3
We got engaged without a ring. We were on a hike by a beautiful stream and the light was dappled through the trees and the sound of the water was really relaxing. I climbed way up onto a boulder and when he caught up I told him “this would be a good place to propose” because we had talked about it and knew we wanted to be engaged soon. But I meant, like, at some point in the not so distant future because that was a spot we went to regularly. But he pulled himself up onto the rock and took my hand and said “My Full Name, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?” And I laughed and told him I didn’t mean he should propose right at that second and he said it was as good a time as any. So I said yes. Then we ordered some silicone bands and wore those during our engagement. After we had been married for a few months and had some extra money we designed a beautiful moissanite solitaire, and it is so freaking beautiful and amazing and I love it with all my heart, but honestly I don’t wear it that often. I really really enjoy my ring, but I wanted to get married WAY more than I wanted a ring.
ETA: Nobody ever said a thing about wanting to see the ring. Maybe they noticed we had our silicone bands or maybe our families and friends just aren’t that into rings? But it was never an issue at all.
Post # 4
Personally, I think I’d spend 50 and go cubic zircon route as a place holder. As long as you keep it modest in size, nobody will probably really guess. And if they do they probably won’t say anything.
No ring is actually needed… and you may choose to never wear it but it’ll prevent the awkward where is the ring question.
Plus it’s just nice to have something to symbolize the union.
Post # 5
I have a sapphire and diamond ring I wear on my right hand. Maybe after getting engaged I could just wear it on my left hand so I look “engaged”
Post # 6
You don’t need a ring to get engaged,but I’d take issue with a 38 year old who can’t afford one.
Post # 7
abnihon : My husband and I got engaged without a ring. It was nbd, I don’t think I ever worried about it. When people asked to see the ring, I told them we don’t have one yet and nobody gasped or anything. After a couple months, we went and picked one out together. The one I wanted was a little over what he had saved so I kicked in the extra. Again, nbd. It was all going to be “our” money anyway, so who cares? I think it’s crazy when I see posts where a proposal is delayed because there’s no ring or he supposedly can’t afford the one “she deserves”. Seems like it’s usually a stalling tactic.
Post # 8
sharpshooter : Harsh. There are people of all ages in all socio-economic brackets. You don’t know their situation.
Post # 9
My husband bought me “engagement” earrings with the intention to propose during a vacation we took together. We were LD and didn’t see each other often. He, bless his heart, gave me the earrings but lost the nerve to actually ask the question, lol. So I wore those for a couple days thinking nothing of it, and then in the airport as we were preparing to go to our separate homes he was lingering around (actually ended up missing his flight) and overall dragging his feet. We said our goodbyes, my name had been called overhead as my flight was preparing to leave me as well. And he FINALLY asked me to marry him, lol. Only a day or so after that did I realize that the earrings were the engagement jewelry. Almost a year later, on the night of the rehearsal dinner, he gave me a diamond ring, which I learned the next day at the ceremony was perfectly matched to my wedding band. They were custom designed with gold and diamonds mined by a family friend, so perhaps they just weren’t ready at the time he wanted to propose? Idk, I never asked why he didn’t have a ring as I was sooo excited to be engaged to the love of my life!
Post # 10
My fiance proposed without a ring on our one year dating anniversary. We were laying in bed and he just flat out asked me if I would marry him and followed up with a can you handle all of this joke. I said yes lol, and that same day we went and picked out a ring. It took two weeks to size at which point I put it on and that was that. No fuss, silly and simple just like us. After telling his family how he proposed he asked for a do over which I said no because I love my proposal story and aren’t one for alot of fan fare anyway 🙂
Post # 11
Daisy_Mae : sharpshooter : Harsh? Maybe. Realistic? Definitely.
There are lovely rings at all price points. It doesn’t have to cost thousands.
I got engaged without a ring on a ski trip. It was awesome. He didn’t want to get something I didn’t like, which was probably a good call on his part. We went the next week and got one in our price range. None of my family members wore anything other than a wedding ring, so it didn’t strike me as odd.
Post # 12
My ring was $62! It is moonstone and topaz. I love it and fell in love with it and it was the ring I told him I wanted when he asked me about rings before he proposed.
I am not an expensive jewlery person, so I wanted a cheap ring. I don’t think there’s any harm in that.
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey
I got engaged without one because we were only one month into our relationship at that point, I knew he was the one. He clearly knew I was the one for him. We had our first trip (actually a secret trip) out of town to Istanbul, Turkey. Really unexpectedly at a great moment, he asked me to marry him. I didn’t think a second to say yes, so no engagement ring for us for a while. After I cried and asked if it was really happening, my mind started wandering. Wooo, there’s no ring, there’s no ring! He used one of my silver rings I had that day and proposed again on his knees. Aw. It was so sweet.
He proposed with a ring later on after a couple months but nothing can beat the first one.
You can always buy a very cheap one, I think a ring really symbolizes you’re taken even if that’s only you in the whole wide world who knows that ehehe
Post # 14
My husband proposed without a ring. He proposed on our fourth “dating” anniversary and while we both anitipcated that we’d get married at some point, we hadn’t discussed at all what a proposal would look like, when it would happen, what kind of a ring I would want, or anything, really. I was completely 100% suprised (in a good way) because we hadn’t discussed it at all.
He proposed, and then he gave me an empty ring box and said “I would never pick out something so expensive that you are supposed to wear without your input. So, take some time to think about what you want and let me know when you are ready to go ring shopping.”
The first month or so everyone constantly asked about why I didn’t have a ring. I just said that my then-fiance wanted me to pick out my dream ring, and I was taking the time I needed to figure out what that may be. Then they pretty much forgot after the engagement hype was over.
Have you looked into a more affordable ring option like Moissanite or using on online company like Blue Nile or James Allen? I think what Sharpshooter might be trying to say is that you can get a “nice” ring for pretty affordable, all things considered. You can get a lab grown round .7 carat diamond from Brilliant Earth and put it in a solitaire setting for $1500.
Post # 15
abnihon : my fiancee asked me to marry him lots of times, with no ring… but they were more like pre-posals.
Later he kept making timelines to propose WITH a ring, he insisted, but we eventually went to a ring shop together. He’s is faaar more particular than I am! I told him all along I don’t need a ring for it to be official, that can come later.
Well, eventually we bought two rings. He wanted one too. But he had intimidated himself with the whole proposal thing.
So…. funny, we became officially, organically engaged last week while I was sitting on his lap at home and we were chatting about our future. It did not involve my ring… but I did get it after, in time to wear to a new job so I am not ringless, lol.
He didn’t get his ring until two days ago because he had to get resized. And we only announced it last night.
I don’t feel a ring or a proposal is necessary for me, at all, to make it important and official. He hyped everything up in his mind, partly because he had two broken engagements, from bad relationships, previously.
The idea of marriage was something he wanted, but he was so scared of the process, I tried to be patient and understanding.
People are human, and methods may vary. But it’s the love and intention that matter. Jmho
PS my 2nd marriage, his first.