Tell Me About Your Pre-Wedding Events

posted 2 weeks ago in Parties
Post # 16
717 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2020

I didn’t do any pre-wedding events. I was meant ro have a hens party but unfortunatly COVID had other plans’ but even the hens was only going to be a 1920s themed high tee followed by some cocktails at a friend’s place and no gifts

Post # 17
4808 posts
Honey bee

We had a destination wedding, so our guest list was very limited and since it wasn’t finalized for a long time after the engagement, we were adament about no engagement party.  My friends did throw me a very small and intimate shower/bachelorette party combo with about 15 people. I won’t lie though, I would have passed on it had they not been so insistent. It was very nice, but I am just not into being the center of attention and the wedding would have been enough. 

We did have a welcome party the night before for all of our guests (full open bar, apps, dinner, dessert) and then obviously the ceremony/reception the next day (also full open bar, apps, dinner, dessert).

And we also organized an optional boat trip for those guests who were interested and we had about 2/3rds attend. It was at the expense of the guests, so it was really a wedding event.  


Post # 18
1253 posts
Bumble bee

The only one I did was the rehearsal dinner, and everyone was invited (we provided a pizza truck). We also provided lunch the day of for all.  Our aim was to hang out with everyone as much as possible, so we encouraged people to show up and stick around. 

The rest felt weird and gift grabby to me, and too much focus on one event in life. But it may be regional– I honestly don’t know anyone who did those things (NE USA, major city)

Post # 19
896 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2022

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@castalia:  this just inspired me to text my sisters and three best friends to get a small bachelorette party planned for this feb presidents day 🙂 going to go to my parents vacation house about 2 hours away & probs just chill & drink wine all weekend and eat a ton lol one or two may be preggers so in that case even more chlll. wont do engagement party and ideally want to avoid a shower because we plan on only inviting immediate fam & couple friends to very small wedding this summer so i dont want someone to throw me a shower and invite all these ppl who wont be invited kind of like what you said!!

Post # 21
317 posts
Helper bee


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@castalia:  I don’t know if these events area are all necessarily expected but I think it depends on how your social circle/area generally handles weddings!

We did not have an engagement party, as we got engaged in our 30s and  have already been lving together for over 4 years and it seemed kind of silly, but I can see how when people get engaged young and they are the first in the family to get married or something it may be exciting. We had a shower, but in my area showers are very common and usually hosted by the bride’s mother and the mom looks forward to hosting this event. I could have done without it, but my mom would have been devastated without having a shower to host and plan. She viewed it as her contribution to the wedding.

My fiance and I did have bachelor/bachelorette parties, but I would have been fine not having one if our circumstances were different. Most of my bridal party lives all over the country (as does his) and we reguarly go on guys or girls trips with our friends and my friends always use bachelorette parties as an opprutnity to spend a weekend with friends that we don’t see too often. But it’s certainlly not super focused on the bride and I certainly contributed to the cost of mine, it was just a girls weekend that we would have likely done anyway and just called it a bachelorette party. All of my bridesmaids didn’t attend and some that weren’t in the bridal party did attend, it was just a fun girls weekend and we used the “bachelorette party” as an excuse to go away.

Rergarding events near the actual wedding (reherseal, etc), we are doign a welcome dinner the night before becuase over 50% of our guests are traveling here and many are coming the night before because it’s too far away to come day of. I certainly don’t think it’s necessary but is a nice gesture! We are limiting it only to hotel guests staying the night before to keep costs down, we’re not trying to have two weddings! We’re doing a brunch the day after the wedding for the same reason.  I don’t think either of these events are necessary if most of your guests are local or even neceessary if a lot are traveling, but I do think it is appreciated! My fiancee’s parents are helping to plan this and are taking pride in it since most of the traveling guests are their family.

The rehearsal dinner I guess is the one event we’re not doing… most of our bridal party is out of state and we have to do our reherseal on a weeknight so most won’t be in attendance. We are having a rehearsalwith whoever is able to attend but aren’t planning a a big dinner for extended family and such, that is moreso going to happen at the welcome dinner.

So… I guess I am having a lot of events. But I certainly don’t think any were required or expected, just sort of how it worked out for us. It also was a nice way to keep our parents involved and feel like they are a part of the planning while also minimizing their influence on the actual wedding.

Post # 22
5001 posts
Bee Keeper

I wanna do all of them!  Yes, I am THAT girl who wants to celebrate as much as possible! I give you permission to eye roll LOL. We did an engagement party a few months after we got engaged. It was only like 20-25 people at a restaurant’s private room and we had a special cake made to cut. 

In my area/circle, engagement party is not common at all. In fact, I’m the only one in real life who I know had one and our guests said the same. But bridal showers and bachelorette parties are very common. To divide and space these events out, I think I will have a bridal shower before our civil wedding in the US so more of my guests can attend.

Then on a later date, we will have a church wedding at my SO’s country. My friends plan to do an (un)Bachelorette party before that since the church wedding will be the ceremony where I will have a bridal party with. I will not have any for our civil wedding. Bridal showers or any showers are not a thing in his country but bachelorette/bachelor’s parties are big. Day after brunch/lunch are also common there.


Post # 23
1421 posts
Bumble bee

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This bachelorette weekend sounds perffffffect.

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