(Closed) Tell me honestly, am I being stupid?!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
1508 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yikes! I would be feelng the same, especially in such a small space. Stand your ground on this and make sure you come to a fair compromise that gives you space and includes your family.

Why are you guys sharing a room with the little guy? If I was having people stay with me, I’d be moving my kid into my own room, especially if he’s not a good sleeper and I plan to constantly check on him.

Post # 48
Member
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@SupermansSweetheart:  I agree. Having the 4 year old in your room makes no sense. Sister should have both kids in her room. If there’s absolutely no room, perhaps someone (e.g. sister’s husband) can sleep on the lounge floor or sofa.

Post # 49
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2005

You aren’t  being  unreasonable at all, if anything I think he is.  Christmas is a time to spend with family and there’s no reason why you can’t include yours as well.  So what if his sister flips out, it’s yalls business not hers.  I wouldn’t want to stay in that crowded place either, and really….what’s up with his mom checking up on him at night?  Yikes.  You and your Family-in-law see each other quite often, your own family should be included in the festivities.

Post # 50
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I wouldn’t go at all under those circumstances.  Just let him know that you were comfortable with the original plan but you’re not comfortable with the new plan and will be spending the holidays with your family.  Make it clear that he’s welcome to join you, or switch the plan back to your original agreement.  If he’d rather please his sister then that tells you where you fall on his priority chain.  Time to adjust your priorities accordingly.

Post # 51
Member
6738 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

OP, please update us on whether you two have changed your plans.  It’s totally NOT OK for him to go ahead and change the plans that include you without telling you. 

Staying in the townhome with his sis?  That one, I might be okay with for 1 or 2 nights because it seems to be important to him since it’s his nephews.  I would perhaps compromise and say 1 night in the hotel, 2 nights with the sis – but then back to your family it is!  I think that’s fair.

Let us know how it goes!

Post # 52
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think he is being rather selfish and not considering your feelings at all.  I really hope you stand your ground, or you will be setting the precedent for your relationship in the future. 

Post # 53
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Why does it matter to his sister where you sleep? Hotel for sure.

Post # 56
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think its perfactally reasonable to want space. It does sound like it will be a little over crowded. Since you talk to his sister alot why dont you just tell her that you want to spend a little time with your family this christmas aswell? I cant see her being angery about that, and just express your feelings about the over crowded problem. The one bathroom would be a big problem for me aswell.. i think the best thing to do would be just to talk to her about it.

 

Post # 57
Member
1222 posts
Bumble bee

I hope everything works out! Stick to your guns!

Post # 58
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee

You’re NOT being unreasonable.

Post # 60
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

View original reply
@givemecouture:  I’m sorry but this family, or maybe just the sister, sounds very manitpulative and inconsiderate!  First off Christmas is not a “kids holiday”, its a FAMILY holiday. I can’t honestly believe she doesn’t want you to be with your family. I can’t fathom how she couldn’t understand why you would want to be with your family, how rude!

Trust me, the kids have nothing to do with this, they won’t know the difference if you stay at a hotel or leave a few dys early. It’s about her and wanting to control the situation! If you want to stay at a hotel and leave after 3 dys, then it’s your peragative to do so!  Honestly if it were me, I would say thanks but no thanks and pass on spending time with his family. It seems like there is no way to comprise here. If you do go, his sister is just going to spend the whole time trying to guilt trip you for your decision to leave early and stay at a hotel.  Good luck!!

Post # 61
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@givemecouture:   Your Future Sister-In-Law is a drama queen.  A toddler would only get upset about something like that if their parents MAKE them get upset by how they explain things.  Bottom line, she’s being a complete control freak about this. 

Oh, and her comment that Christmas is just a “kid’s holiday?”  Eye roll.

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