(Closed) Tell me how you and your SO dealt with finances after marriage….

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My Fiance and I opened up a joint savings & checking account after we got engaged. We pay all of our house & wedding bills from those accounts. We put what we can into the account each paycheck but we have a minimum that we put in. If we have more to give, then great. If not, its just the minimum that we each agreed to contribute. We kept seperate checking accounts because its none of his business how much I spend at Nordstrom 🙂 And I dont care how much he spends on golf clubs. Haha. Our credit cards are ours, they are not shared. 

It works great for us and we will keep it this way after marriage. 

Post # 4
Member
8294 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

We joined everything and it works great for us. I think if he’s ready to join finances with you and let you take care of the bills and such, do it! I can’t imagine any husband being happy watching his wife struggle with money when he has plenty.

Post # 5
Member
7489 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Dolcebabe:  Does he mean he’s eager for you to contribute financially to the bills, or he’s hoping you’ll help with the chore of making sure the bills all get paid (like mailing the checks or setting up the direct debits etc)? 

Post # 7
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

We are 3 months out from our wedding but Fiance and I combined everything about 6 months ago and it has been great! He is a much better bill payer than I am so he takes care of our finances. We have joint checking and savings as well as a joint credit card. We use our credit card for all purchases and Fiance pays it off with our pay checks that are direct deposited into our checking account. He’s super obsessed with paying it off, he pays it off pretty much biweekly and has paid our mortgage through May (like I said, really Good at paying bills!). 

At first I was againsit combining but I’m so happy he convinced me to. It really gives you a feeling of it being “our money” instead of “yours” and “his”. We never have to argue about contributing evenly to bills because our money is all together. 

i really do love it but this is what works for us and might not work for everyone. Fiance almost about 30,000 more than me right now. However, in a few years I will probably surpass is salary. But, I also come with a load of student loans from law school so I’d say we are about even. We both have fully embraced the idea of everything being ours which I know is often difficult to do.

Post # 8
Member
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We send both of our paychecks into a mutual account.  Here we pay for bills, house stuff, and things we do together (dates, movies, out withf friends).  Then, twice a month we each get an “allowance” in our personal checking accounts.  This is where we pay for personal things (hair cuts, separate happy hours, clothes, etc).  

It really works for us because we can’t get mad at one another for spending and we live within our means!!

Post # 9
Member
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Dolcebabe:  Fiance makes twice as much as I do. He also has 3 years of salary saved and I have about 2 years worth of student loans. He pays rent and I pay for food. So we are in a similar position. We are opening a joint checking, a joint savings, and keeping our two credit cards. Our bills will come from our money, and if the credit card bills get too high, we can question each other.

I think that it is important to have transparency and honesty–combining everything is essential for that for us.

 

Post # 10
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Dolcebabe:  What comments has he made?  He makes like 4 times your salary.  Is the mortgage only in his name?

We combined everything beforehand and I do all of our bills. 

Post # 11
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We have a joint savings, checking and credit card.  All bills are paid with the joint accounts. We each have our own checking, savings and credit cards from before we were married. We get an allowance which goes into our individual accounts twice a month. This is used for all personal spending (clothes, haircuts, out with friends, buying lunch, etc) 

Post # 12
Member
7489 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Dolcebabe:  If it’s a question of who gets the bill-paying task, and he doesn’t like it but you don’t mind, that’s a pretty easy task to take on. Just set everything up on direct debit and put reminders on your calendar to be sure there’s enough money in checking to cover the upcoming week’s bills. Easy peasy. 

I don’t think you should have to ask him for money for the wedding — that does put a parent/child dynamic on the relationship. Does he know what the wedding budget is? If not, that’s a problem. The two of you need to come up with a budget, then figure out how much each of you can contribute towards that budget. Or more likely, do it the other way — how much can each of you afford, add it together, and there’s your budget. Regardless, once he knows how much he’s in for, then it’s no longer you asking him for money. It’s him ponying up what he’s agreed to when the time comes. If he’s comfortable with you doing the wedding planning and payments, he could put his share into a joint account that you could use for paying wedding bills as needed. He could either put in a big lump sum if he has it, or direct deposit a certain amount each pay period.

Once you’re married, of course you should contribute financially, but when he’s making 4 times what you do, it would be absurd to say “let’s split the bills 50/50”. Unless you’re spending mad amounts on frivolous stuff, he should not be keeping tabs or making you ask for an allowance. My husband and I set up a joint account immediately. For most of our marriage, I’ve been the primary breadwinner, but there have been periods when he brought in most or all of the income. It has always been our money, regardless of who is making more at any given moment. I am a saver by nature and he’s a spender, so when I realized I was getting mad at him for buying “silly stuff” that wasn’t necessar, but that we could afford, we budgeted out some “pocket money” that goes straight into his personal account. Now he spends it on whatever he wants (no hookers!) (ha ha!!) and I couldn’t care less because I never see it. 

The key is to come up with a budget that you both really agree with. Don’t just say “yeah, sure, $100 a year for new clothes is fine” if it’s not. But come up with a budget you agree on — including “pocket money” — and then both of you stick to it. That’s my suggestion, and it’s worked well for me for many years.

Post # 13
Member
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

how much is the mortgage? with such a large gap between both salary’s it may be tough for you to split everyting half and half specially if he has a big mortgage… however it is only fair since the home will be yours too… perhaps put most of ur money in joint account and keep some allowance for your own account?

My Fiance and my salary is just $3k apart right now and we are planning to get a joint account and put money into it for bills and such. We are going to calculate how much is all our bills and make sure we each deposit half of that plus a bit more for our monthly bills. whatever is left we will put in our personal account…

Keep in mind we are planning to buy a house next year and he is paying like 80% of the downpayment and i am just paying 20%. However bills thereafter including mortgage will be split half and half…

 ETA: right now we dont have a joint account. we each pay half the rent, separate bills that amount the same expense and i usually do groceries at target/safeway and what not and he pays for the big groceries for like costco, for eating out we usually do by turn or by who’s idea was to go out to eat at that certain place… it works wonderfully now 🙂

Post # 14
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

We haven’t combined our money yet (lots of it is tied up in term deposits and so on at the moment), but we’re planning on having one account that both our paychecks go into and it will be considered “our” money. Mortgage, bills, rates, groceries – all our joint expenses will be paid using money from the joint account.

We also plan to have an account each linked to the joint account and, every week, a certain amount will be deposited straight from the joint account into our individual accounts for our individual expenses (petrol, mobile phone credit, clothes, gifts, etc.). We prefer to try not to keep track of who is paying which bill or the mortgage, given that we want to think of everything as jointly ours anyway! Plus combining all our money gets us more in interest, so that’s gotta be handy! 🙂

Post # 15
Member
1846 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My Fiance and I combined finances very early on. Both of our paychecks go into one account (I make about $55K and he makes about $65K), all of our bills are paid out of this account, including mortgage. We have autmatic withdrawals for RRSPs, RESPs (Canada savings plans). We also contribute a little bit every week to our sons account. Every pay we each get a certain about of “spending money” in our own accounts that we can spend however we want. 

We also have a financial advisor that we meet with every 6 months or so to make sure we aresaving for the things that are important to us, and just to make sure we are staying in track. 

 

Neither of us have any credit cards (and I work for a credit card company) and neither of us have any debt. We are both jointly on our mortgage. 

Post # 16
Member
7312 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

We fully combined. It’s the easiest way for us. We were already in the habit of checking-in with each other when making purchases, so there haven’t been any unpleasant surprises.

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