(Closed) Tell Me If this has happened to you

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I don’t know your personal history, but I know that in my case, my boyfriend acted a lot like that when we first met. There’s always the excitement and butterflies in the first few weeks or months of meeting someone. When I met my boyfriend, I was so in love and so convinced we were meant to be together that I literally could not sleep at night. I had terrible insomnia. Now we live together and have been dating for over a year. Obviously that initial excitement and “thrill of the chance” has worn away into a true and steady love. But I understand how you can miss the excitement and fliratation of those first few weeks. If you aren’t happy in your relationship, then that might be something you need to talk to your boyfriend about. Let him know you don’t feel like you are being appreciated as much as you once were. I don’t see anything wrong about getting a little excited when a cute guy in a band seems interested in you. It probably takes you back to the beginning of your relationship with your boyfriend, but if you act on it, you should know you are doing it because you are fundamentally unhappy with something in your relationship. 

 

Honestly though, I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t be a little flattered that a guy or girl was asking about you after you left a party. That makes everyone feel good, even if you have no interest in the other person. So don’t feel guilty about it! I think that’s totally normal. 

Post # 4
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee

I think it’s natural to be frustrated about something like that. I haven’t felt that way since being with my current SO. But I have with exes. I’m not dooming your relationship. But you asked and, honestly, the only time I felt that way was with exes who I felt didn’t want me. And in the end they didn’t and I moved on. I feel like my guy wants me now. I know he’s the one and he knows I’m the one.

Everyone deserves to be with someone who WANTS them. And if you aren’t feeling wanted, that’ an issue. I’m sorry you’re feeling confused. I don’t think the situation speaks definitively one way or another about your relationship, but I think it’s important enough to take note of for the future.

I’m glad you had a good time at least.

 

Post # 5
Member
298 posts
Helper bee

Ummm… NO!  There’s nothing wrong with your feelings!

Hey, if someone doesn’t want me “wondering” about another man… he should put a ring on my finger and take me off the market, officially.  I don’t do lay-a-way beyond 2 years (meaning non-engagement), and I won’t go beyond a year without them having an idea if they want me forever or not.  Sorry, but my time is too important for that.

You waiting 3+ years makes you a saint.

I have totally been in your position not once, but twice.  I “waited” for my son’s dad to propose.  August of 2009 a gorgeous guy came by to pick up something I was selling on e-bay.  I invited him inside for coffee.  It was an amazing conversation and he had a twinkle in his eye for me.  That was all I needed to decide that I needed an engagement for sure, like soon.  Because I knew I was worth it.  I ended up leaving a month later, because our 4 year anniversary was approaching and I had no ring on my finger.

Second time this happened was last year with a new Boyfriend or Best Friend, and a male friend had (has) the hots for me.  At that time I had been with Boyfriend or Best Friend for 10 months and he wasn’t “sure” I was the one for him. At 37 I thought he should have an idea, but he didn’t.  I remained friends with the guy.  He gave my son karate lessons.  He was and is wonderful, but we never dated.  He made me see that there were good guys out there who would value me and want to take me off the lot.  With that boyfriend, he had a whole 18 months to figure out if he wanted marriage.  At 18 months, I asked him, and he said he still wasn’t sure.  So I left.  

My current boyfriend knows I won’t allow someone to waffle.  Once I reveal myself, I won’t wait around forever for them to decide if I am worth marrying or not.  Knowing that there are other men out there makes it easier.

Wink

Post # 6
Member
1368 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I agree with PPs!!!

Your feeling flattered and your wondering eyes & feelings do NOT make you a bad person!!!

Now if you act on it and get caught that will be a problem for you. I believe at this point, letting him know how you feel sounds about right.

 

Post # 7
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

This has happened to me yes. And that’s the very reason I knew the one I was with wasn’t the right one. Nice, sweet, kind, loving and caring isn’t enough. It’s the true match of 2 people, that connection like no other, that’s what it’s about for me. There are tond of nice, sweet, kind, loving men in the world but that doesn’t mean they’re my match.

 

Post # 9
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

@prshadow: I’ve never been in a situation where I was preoccupied with thoughts about a guy other than the one I was dating, but my sense is that if this is happening with you, it’s probably a barometer that something is ‘off’ in your relationship. Have you talked with your SO about this? (Not about the other guy, but about how you don’t feel appreciated/loved by him perhaps?)

Post # 10
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Actually I can tell my SO is the man I want to marry/spend my life with as when I do get attention from other guys I just feel the need to run away from them, get out of the situation and be back with SO pronto..

But thats just me. I guess if you feel that spark, that magnetism with that other guy would be too hard to resist, especially if you doubt your current relationship

Post # 12
Member
4477 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

It’s just a crush w/this band guy.  You feel wanted and pursued, and it makes you feel special; you’re also really flattered because he’s attractive.  That’s absolutely ok!

 

If things were hunky dory w/your guy, you wouldn’t be feeling this way.  If at 3 years you don’t think he’ll ever be ready for marriage, it’s important for you to evaluate what you want.

Post # 13
Member
298 posts
Helper bee

@prshadow: I can’t help but think that if your SO put a ring on it, you would feel more valued, more desired, more special, etc in your relationship.  Because there is no ring after 3+ years, you may feel not pretty enough, successful enough, smart enough, etc in his eyes.  Not saying you have low self esteem or anything, but you may be thinking, why is it taking him so long to realize that I am amazing?  So… the fact that someone else has his eye on you may be giving you the validation that you need.  This guy thinks you are hot stuff, and mabye you feel that your SO doesn’t.  The absence of the ring may be solidifying that belief.

That’s just what I would feel if I was in your situation.  Not saying you feel that way completely, but it would make sense if you did.

Post # 14
Member
298 posts
Helper bee

@prshadow: My most recent boyfriend (not my current one) also treated me amazingly.  He spoiled me rotten.  But he wasn’t sure if I was “the one” for him.  When someone is balking at marriage after 18+ months AND they are over the age of 30, it makes you think, what the hell?  Him treating me so good made things much harder.  I wanted to wring his neck and say “Why treat me this good if you don’t want me forever?”  lol

Post # 15
Member
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Yeah it happened before, and that guy became my Fiance.  I think here is where you make a decision whether you want to fight for your relationship with your SO or  move on. I just knew after meeting Fiance, I wasn’t willing to fight for it, but that was because we were just so compatible and clearly fit, while I just didn’t feel that way for my then SO.

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