Post # 1
i swear, i have always had the attitude that i don’t care about wedding gifts. i don’t expect them from anyone. i really really don’t. i am just happy people are coming to my wedding. especially since i am having a destination wedding.
but, i can’t help it, this made me feel, i don’t know….hurt? i don’t know if that is the right word, but it made me something not good. and i do hate that i feel anything at all, because i feel it is so petty to even care. so i am writing to you in hopes that you snap me back into reality.
my good friend, my best friend actually, who is my Maid/Matron of Honor, bought me a $50 gift for my bridal shower. super nice and generous. i was very grateful. well now a couple of months later, my other good friend is having her shower next week. this other good friend is actually my Bridesmaid or Best Man who i have written about on here before – she decided long after i was planning my Destination Wedding to have her own wedding the same week and 3 days after mine. she was never engaged, just going to be there for my wedding, so her and b-f said, “we should get married too”. i won’t get into that story.
so my Maid/Matron of Honor is also this other girls Bridesmaid or Best Man. and my Maid/Matron of Honor just told me that she bought her a bridal shower gift that costs over $120! and i cannot help but think, “I can’t believe she chose to spend more than double on this other friend than she did on me!”
please tell me i am biatch for even having these thoughts so i can move on with my night!
Post # 3
I don’t think you are a bitch for thinking that, I would probably think it too. But really nothing productive can come from thinking about this. Did she tell you how much the gift for this other person cost or did you just figure it out from what it is?
Post # 4
Do you know she spent that, or that is what the gift “cost”. IE at Macys with sales and coupons its not uncommon to get something for more than 50% off the original cost of the gift. Maybe that is what she did.
Post # 5
@MrsSaltWaterTaffy: she told me what the gift was on her own (I didnt ask or anything). and it sounded expensive, so i couldn’t resist checking the registry!
Post # 6
Hm. Could it be possible that your Maid/Matron of Honor has spent a decent amount of money on being in your wedding, and had limited funds for your gift? I was my sister’s Maid/Matron of Honor and let me tell you, it’s easy to forget how much money BMs spend. I considered her Bachelorette party and other expenses as part of her gift, and could only afford, like $30 for her actual shower gift.
Post # 7
Is this other girls wedding a DW?
Post # 8
Honestly, she’s probably spending a ton of money to be in your destination wedding. Maybe spending more on the other friend’s gift was her way of making things fair.
I would try to move past it, but I’m sorry you’re hurt.
ETA: In other words, I agree with magicpotato :).
Post # 9
@magicpotato: & @jo.lee: & @jo.lee
my other friend is getting married at the same destination/resort as my wedding, 3 days after me. My Maid/Matron of Honor therefore is spending one travel fee to attend both our weddings. she also bought a dress for each our weddings. there were no other costs. oh and before my shower my Maid/Matron of Honor was out of town, so i know for a fact that she did not contribute to my shower (my sister and mom paid for most of it). so basically she is spending $50 for shower cost contribution (so am i) + $120 gift for this friends shower, whereas she spent $50 for mine total. everything else is equal. but obviously i won’t say anything. i just wish she didn’t go out of her way to tell me what she gift she got for our other friend, i didn’t need to know!
Post # 10
Maybe she got a killer sale? The Bay in Canada (which is kind of similar to Macy’s) often has 70% off sales. One of my bridesmaids worked there while we were wedding planning, and she’d stalk my registry and them email people that she knew were planning to buy me gifts when they came up super cheap.
Actually, my mom called me one day, and she was like… OMG, someone just bought every towel on your registry; that’s like $500! Totally her, with 70% off, and her employee discount.
ETA: Point being, maybe she bought something off your registry that’s a brand that never goes on sale or something, but she knew you’d really love, whereas she bought whatever was the best deal off your friend’s registry.
Post # 11
@SapphireSun: i love that you are trying to come up with explanations! very sweet of you! but i can explain further. I didn’t have a registry for my shower. my mom and sister bought one big gift and everyone contributed towards. so she wrote me a $50 check, that’s how i know much she spent on my gift. and for my friend, i guess its possible there was a sale. but she told me today the gift, and the shower is next week, so i am pretty she just bought it today or yesterday or something…and i checked the registry and it was listed as $119.99. how could i tell if there was a sale? i guess i would feel stupid even looking into it!
Post # 12
I tried to explain it away, but I guess if you know the price that may not have happened.
Maybe she feels like friend #2 needs more stuff than you do? It’s totally petty, but I noticed that my 21 year old cousin that got married a few months before me typically got bigger gifts than I did from the same people (we’re fairly established, late 20’s) because people really felt like they were “helping her set up her house”.
However, if you’re the one whose friend hijacked your destination wedding and tried to even make you let her use your ring pillow… I have no more answers for you.
Post # 13
@SapphireSun: yes thats me. the one with the friend who is only getting married at this time because i am. she never got engaged, just decided with her b-f that they will get married the same week as me. then handed our her wedding invitations at my wedding shower, and seemed to like many of my ideas so i stopped telling them to her. in the end i think she got the message about the ring pillow as she recently told me her mom bought her one.
so maybe this whole thing with my Maid/Matron of Honor getting her a more expensive gift just adds to all the pent up irritation i have towards my other friend getting married. i guess the weird part is that my Maid/Matron of Honor is also the only person i have talked to IRL about how i feel about my other friend getting married 3 days after me. and she has been very understanding about it and understands why i feel the way i do, so i guess thats related to why i felt negatively about the gift. its really not that i wish my Maid/Matron of Honor would spend more money on me! i swear i am not that selfish a person!!
Post # 14
She probably found a gift she had really wanted to give that one particular girl. She’ll likely spend less on the wedding gift for her because of it. Mom always told me that everything works out even in the end! Which, of course, is horse manure. Still, get over it! Your friend knows you’re cool with it or she wouldn’t have told you.
Post # 15
@GreenDream: thanks for the reality check! although because we are having DWs, i am hardly expecting another gift for the wedding! maybe she will surprise me, but my Maid/Matron of Honor is also quite the frugal one, so i can’t see her getting me another wedding gift. anyway, i will get over it by the time i wake up tomorrow morning!
Post # 16
@frustrated: Wait, she handed out wedding invites on the same night as your wedding shower?? … I can only imagine the steam rising at that point, and then just building up, so I can completely understand why you feel the way you do about your MoH spending more on her gift than on yours. You said she had been out of town though before the wedding shower, so at the time it could be possible that she went over her budget while out of town??