(Closed) Tell me to stop being a brat.

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 47
Member
703 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@Everdeen:  I’m also 23 and getting married next summer. You would have thought I was ruining my life if you asked people my mom’s age! It was the offhanded comments the really suck. I would just not invite this lady….she’s not a “mandatory” invite (not family), so scratch her off the guest list and use the $$ for a super awesome honeymoon with your new husband:) 

Post # 48
Member
7643 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

You already took a high road by not replying to her rude FB post. I wouldn’t send her an invite.

Post # 49
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Ew, how passive aggressive. Save some money and some emotional sanity, don’t invite her.

Post # 50
Member
2249 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

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@This Time Round:  +1 to this –> “The lady sends you an email saying “Hey I didn’t get an invite” (BTW it is impolite to ask). And then you send back the also not so polite reply… with the screenshot… “Ya I’m sorry… but right after we spoke, I saw this, and well I think it says it all.  Don’t you?”

I absolutely would not send her an invite. She will likely never ask why she didn’t receive one, but if it did come up, This Time Round’s response is perfect.

 

Post # 51
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2017

View original reply
@208bride:  You’re right that there’s definitely a difference between the marrying ages of Northwest and East Coast. I grew up in central WA state and the fact that I’m just now getting married at 29 makes me an old maid at home – but average age of people here in Boston.

Take it how you will. While some think her enthusiasm for you getting married is genuine happiness, given the comment that followed I would hear it as “Oh thank god, my daughter is winning! She’s being all single girl in the city and 208bride is going to be all married with kid in sad ol’ Idaho”

Maybe I’m jaded haha. But I get tired of defending the choices of many of my friends were were making “mistakes” getting married at 21-23… that have done nothing but prove it was far from a mistake. They just didn’t need to have 25 boyfriends to figure it out.

Get married. Be happy. Be completely confident in your choice. And do not invite her to relish in what she thinks is a mistake.

Post # 52
Member
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@208bride:  It’s definitely rude but the fact that you’re getting married is probably throwing her and her daughter for a loop since you’re the same age.  She may be trying to make her daughter (and herself) feel better that she isn’t getting married yet.  If your mom says you don’t have to to invite her then I wouldn’t invite her.

Post # 53
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand

@Ticklesthis exactly!


this woman was rude and obnoxious, therefore she doesn’t deserve even an invite. Don’t waste your postage on her. 

Post # 54
Member
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@208bride:  Looking through the thread, you’ve gotten this response a few times over… But (continue to) take the high road – don’t respond to the facebook post!

And don’t send a save the date or an invite. That’s a whole lot of negativity and passive aggressiveness that you don’t need! 🙂

Post # 55
Member
1063 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I wouldn’t invite her.  She’s no friend of yours, your mom doesn’t want her there, and even if her post had nothing to do with you, she clearly doesn’t approve of getting married at 23.  She put her opinion out there for the world to see, and you saw it.

If she gets on better terms with you and your mom between now and when the invites go out, you can always invite her at that time.

 

Post # 56
Member
13536 posts
Honey Beekeeper

 I wouldn’t invite her IF she meant to write what she wrote. And I’m usually a big stickler about following through with verbal invitations.  My only hesitation is that she  meant  to say  “pregnant AND  getting  married”  ie getting married only  because you are pregnant either because it was a typo or just poorly worded.    

In your mother’s place I’d just hate to dump a long time friend  over the difference in meaning of one word OR vs. AND on the internet, a place where tone of voice and body language give no context clues and where you aren’t there to ask follow up questions.   As awkward  as this sounds, in your mom’s place , I might call the friend, say you had seen this right after the call and see what she says. 

Your mom seems to be saying it’s not that important to her one way or another, but the possibility that this is just  a misunderstanding does give me pause.

 

Post # 57
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

She was rude no question and I think you have reason to not invite her.

But consider that this may have been an attempt to encourage her daughter rather than tear you down. I know it doesn’t look like that. But her daughter could be discouraged having recently graduated and seeing the first wave of friends graduate and start to plan families without any prospects for that on her horizon.  This woman may have been trying to build her daughter up in a “you don’t need that, I’m proud of you anyway.”  Poorly timed? Undoubtedly. Poor choice of setting? Absolutely.  But she could have been trying to build someone up without intending to insult another.

Post # 58
Member
551 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@208bride:  Honestly, she’s either a divorcee or probably just jealous that her daughter is alone and will be forever & she will never be able to help plan her daughter’s wedding. Be the bigger person and send her an invite. Otherwise, you might see a passive-aggressive FB post about how rude it is to ask for someone’s address and never send anything 🙂

Post # 59
Member
13536 posts
Honey Beekeeper

 

“So proud of my daughter – making good choices, graduating from college, not pregnant or getting married.”

The more I look at this quote, the more I think it’s very possible that it was meant to be taken as a  single clause, ie not pregnant or getting married (because she’s pregnant).  

I realize it’s not what she wrote, but people are bad writers and I’ve seen a lot worse.

Post # 60
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I wish you would comment on her asinine post.

Post # 61
Member
2417 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I don’t think you are being a brat at all. Don’t invite her. Even if her post was not directly meant for you, it is still rude to assume that you are making a mistake because you are young.

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