Tell me what you hated about being bridesmaid!

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
2514 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

i’ve always liked it. Yes, the financial aspect can be a little irritating but overall, I have only been a Bridesmaid or Best Man for friends or my sisters, and those are people who I love. I want them to have a beautiful day, so if they want me to buy an ugly ass dress and throw them a shower and bach, I will do that for them. 

Honestly, I’ve never heard so much complaining about being a Bridesmaid or Best Man as I have on the bee. Now, some brides can get a little OTT with out of town bach’s, crazy demands, and having to spend a ton of money and I get that, but idk. I love my family and friends and suck it up so they have the day they envision!

I will say as a bride, I am trying to be as flexible and low-cost as possible. I am letting them pick their own dress from whereever they want to get it. Simple black shoes (can be any, most of them already have black shoes). I am paying for hair and makeup for all of them. No OTT bachelorette, just a night of going out with them in our local city (minus my Maid/Matron of Honor who recently moved out of state, so she will have to fly but is more than willing to)

Post # 17
Member
9862 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I’ve been a bridesmaid twice and really enjoyed it. Both brides were super laid back and didn’t expect us to do anything other than buy the dress and show up on the wedding day. If we couldn’t make it to a shower or bachelorette it was no big deal. They both let us pick our own dresses and both paid for hair and make-up.

Post # 18
Member
11530 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I wish the US would adopt the customs of the U.K. re bride paying for hair, make up, dress and not having a shower planned by a bride and charged to her bms. It would solve a lot of the issues that arise. 

Never worn a single Bridesmaid or Best Man dress again, and every one of them declared it not a typical Bridesmaid or Best Man dress that we would wear again. 

What I’ve seen that I most object to (though this didn’t happen to me) is the idea of the bride and or her family planning a party for the bride and charging her bms for it. This is just outrageous to me- so rude, thoughtless, and tacky.

There’s no excuse for treating friends like props or ATMs.

 

Post # 19
Member
1727 posts
Bumble bee

I guess what I hated about being a bridesmaid was being it for a girl I didn’t like (my SIL, I didn’t really have a choice because she had no friends and my mom made me). Yes, she made me buy a hideous pink poodle skirt type dress and gross white shoes, but if a close friend who I liked wanted that, it wouldn’t bother me so much because I would do anything for my friends and it’s their day, not mine. But I really hated just being up there with her and around her while getting ready because she was just not a good person to my brother or my family at all. It was also a dry wedding and not for religious reasons, just because she didn’t allow my brother to drink (she was controlling) so she didn’t want him around alcohol so that made the whole experience worse.

Post # 20
Member
1114 posts
Bumble bee

I’d say, don’t get your feelings hurt if your BMs can’t make every event — showers, bachelorette, dress fitting, etc. Some of us have demanding jobs or social commitments outside of the wedding. I totally get this is their “once in a lifetime day” but I have about 6 friends that get married every year and say the same thing. So adding up the weddings, parties, etc. that’s about 24 weekends. Out of 53 weekends each year. 

Post # 21
Member
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

The dress was pretty and flattering, but super fancy, so I’ll never have an opportunity to wear it again. And it was $300 plus alterations. And it was sequined from head to toe, which scratched up the inside of my upper arms and was pretty painful. 

Less of a big deal, but it was kind of annoying that the gifts were under $20 earrings that aren’t my style at all that she made us wear for the wedding. I have two piercings in each ear and it was “requested” that I take the second pair out. 

Post # 22
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I really feel brides should give their BM’s flexibility in choosing the dress. A one type fits all doesn’t work! 

Post # 23
Member
660 posts
Busy bee

I really enjoyed being a bridesmaid and didn’t mind having to pay for my own dress, etc. In fact, the shoes one of the brides had us buy has become my favorite pair of shoes for nicer events, and I never would have found them if she hadn’t found them for us.

The one thing that annoyed me was when I heard that my hair cost didn’t include the tip. I don’t know why, but having to pay a lot of money for hair and then hearing that I had to pay the tip as well was frustrating. As the bride, I would have covered that for my bridesmaids so they just had to pay the flat rate and not scramble for a few extra dollars when everyone had already sent checks prior to the day.

Post # 24
Member
597 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

^^ agreed. I have no problem shelling out for bridal showers and the like, but the only thing I hated about being a bridesmaid was being forced to pay a ridiculous amount of money for so-so hair and makeup. $100 + tip for “loose waves, pinned back”??

Post # 25
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I have been a bridesmaid a few times and have generally enjoyed it. The only negative experience I had was when one Maid/Matron of Honor contacted the bridesmaids asking for a large sum of money from each of us for the bridal shower even though we had zero say in the planning. She even indicated on the invitation that the shower was being hosted by her, but she was only footing a fifth of the bill. We were so happy to put together a wonderful shower for the bride, but it was still really frustrating because myself and the other bridesmaids basically felt like the MOH’s ATM. At the end of the day, the bride chose all of the bridesmaids to be a part of her bridal party, so it’s important to keep everyone included beyond finances.

Post # 26
Member
10 posts
Newbee

bewitched :  I second this one! 

I was once in a wedding that had “mandatory” Tuesday night planning dinners. Turns out that being away at college 6 hours away and having classes on Tuesday nights were not reasonable excuses to not attend and so I was asked to step down as a bridesmaid. 

Post # 27
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I’ve been a Maid/Matron of Honor twice. The first time was for my friend. I was really annoyed because I had to buy a dress I absolutely could not afford and she couldn’t have picked a worse dress for my body type. She had originally said she would let me help pick out the dress and then she didn’t let me. It looked like a drape and wore like a drape. I almost wondered if she purposely picked out a dress that would make us all look bad (and her look better). Our friendship had a hard time surviving that wedding. Her parents ended up buying half of my dress which helped. We were both young and pretty clueless about things back in those days (that was over 20 years ago). 

The second time I was a Maid/Matron of Honor, it was for my mom. She paid for the dress and jewelry. She let me and the other Bridesmaid or Best Man go try on dresses and we helped decide what we liked (and what looked good on us). She paid for my hair, too. That was the best way to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. She paid for our stuff and let us have some say in what we wore. I never wore that dress again, either, but at least it was a nice dress.

Post # 28
Member
6723 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

cosimaskye :  I was just a bridesmaid once.  It actually went really well overall – I wanted to and enjoyed helping her out with cake tastings, invitations, picking dresses, etc (and I was a 3 hour drive away, I just did it when feasible, no pressure).  There are 3 things I remember as being issues:

1.  She wanted me to stop cutting my hair until her wedding – I know a lot of women here say you shouldn’t dictate hair, but to an extent I have no problem with it and even though I preferred shorter hair, I went ahead and grew it out (likewise when my own wedding came around, my sister dyed her hair a natural color instead of the multicolored mess it was before, which most definitely would have looked god-awful on the day, and she didn’t mind either — she’d have said so, lol)

2. She wouldn’t let me wear the very comfy white shoes I already had (under a long gown) because “white doesn’t go with lavender”  I dyed them grey and never wore them again, which makes me sad.

3. Bridesmaid gift was stupid.  At the time they generally were something not that expensive to be used on the day, that was totally typical.  But it was a satin lavender clutch to match the dress and what use would I ever have for that again?  Answer: none.  I wish she’d just purchased the dresses for us and been done with it (and this is what I did when my turn came)

Overall it’s nothing terrible.  I definitely have no resentment as some people wind up getting for the bride.  She didn’t run up ridiculous expenses, had no requirements I found over the top (just annoying) and 10 years later we are still just as close as ever we were, though I now live 2000 miles away.  Oh, and she let me bring the boyfriend I started dating 2 months before as a +1, very long distance, never met anyone but me – we’re married now.

Post # 29
Member
3759 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY

cosimaskye :  Being a matron of honor in my friend’s wedding was enough for a lifetime! 

  • We had no say in the dress style or color. She picked, we paid. I will never wear it again as I’ve seen the same exact dress on sale as a prom dress, which is exactly what it looks like (too little girl-ish)
  • We had to stand in the blazing hot sun at the end of July. The guests had to bake in the blazing hot sun as we arrived late. The photography from the beginning of the aisle showed a sea of red, burning necks. My husband stuck the invitation card in his back collar to avoid burning, which was also captured in pictures LOL 
  • There was too much family in the hotel room (bridal suite) while we were getting ready. Aunts and cousins, babies all over the place, and the already large bridal party. It was chaotic and two of her aunts started drama with each other, which she didn’t really need. 
  • At the end of the day, I felt like a prop. It didn’t help that she somehow didn’t send out our thank you card for our wedding and shower gifts over a YEAR after the wedding. And I only saw one picture of me (me and the bride) from the photography that we spent hours taking.
  • Did I mention she was a bridezilla? She had everything – the big budget, beautiful venue and flowers and everything. It was BEAUTIFUL. Yet, as soon as we arrived to the venue (late), she picked apart everything. I took her to my nail salon to get manis and pedis and she kept seeing flaws in her nails that none of us saw. She got them redone. The day of the wedding, the centerpieces were too small, the tables didn’t look right, the sky wasn’t blue enough… No one found fault in any of the things she was pointing out, and she just didn’t seem happy. It was all about the party and not about marrying the love of her life.  

Just consider the feelings of the people that you’re asking to be there with you on your big day! Even just a little bit! 🙂 

Post # 30
Member
1308 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

The first wedding I was in we were like 18 so flat broke and i had to borrow money from my parents to pay for the dress and shoes. Luckily she had the wedding over xmas break so we had the time off to travel. I still have the dress but I still have not hemmed it 8yrs later.

The 2nd wedding I was Maid/Matron of Honor but we got to pick our own dresses. My arch nemesis was another bridesmaids so I had to mind my Pʻs & Qʻs around her, also her creepy step dad. It was on a holiday and I wasnʻt thrilled to give up my first holiday as a Mrs., and we got into a bit of a tiff about me “dressing too sexy” for the afterparty (1am-4am) even though we were shelling out for a hotel room. Itʻs all good now as weʻre both divorced from those buggers 🙂

3rd wedding was a travel. I arrived 4 days early and almost NOTHING had been done. she had a venue and caterer and flowers. Even her dress was still hanging up dirty from bridal portraits she had done earlier that week. So I felt like I coordinated the entire thing but I love her and I got to pick my own dress and travel with old high school friends I hadnʻt seen in a while so it was overall fun 🙂

Next wedding is another travel next November and even though sheʻs one of my besties, I just know itʻs going to be extravagant and expensive. Iʻm paying off my credit card now for it. Just hope I donʻt have to back out/not go due to pregnancy. Fingers crossed the timing works.

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