Post # 31
I’ve been a Bridesmaid or Best Man twice. This past time I was Maid/Matron of Honor and the dress was $250. Very plain dress that I will never wear again and can’t seem to sell. I actually like being a bridesmaid in theory, but the experience definitely depends on the bride. I sucked up a lot being Maid/Matron of Honor, including paying for an out of town bach and paying for hair (we ALL had to have the same style. Also, I ended up paying for favors as the bride never paid me back and then she wanted us to arrive SUPER early (like 8 hours before the wedding started) to put the favors together. That was pretty annoying and the whole day was like a 12 hour ordeal, it was exhausting.
If a bride is considerate to her BMs, picks a dress that is reasonable and doesn’t expect hair/makeup done or elaborate showers/parties, that’s when it’s fun. Otherwise it ends up being a whole bunch of $$$.
Post # 32
I have been in 3 weddings, once as a MOB for my sister, once as BM a friend, once as a Bridesmaid or Best Man for a cousin. As the Maid/Matron of Honor, it was great. My sis was super chill, we had a fantastic time planning and the wedding was nearly perfect. Both other times sucked. My friend (Who was my Maid/Matron of Honor 3 years before her wedding) insisted on pricy dresses, high heels that literally didn’t exist in my size and so I, as someone who never wears heels anyway, had to walk down the aisle in an expensive dress she insisted we all match in but didn’t come in extra length so it was nearly a mini skirt on me in shoes a size too small. All this after I spent nearly $1000 on her bachelorette weekend she insisted on and planned herself. Yeah. We haven’t spoken since she got back from her honeymoon as it became apparent what her priorities were and it certainly wasn’t friendship with me.
So lessons to brides–dear goodness find out what your bridesmaids can spend on things and don’t insist on things they can’t afford!! Don’t plan your own parties unless you are footing the bill. Be sure the outfits you insist on actually fit your bridesmaids. Don’t make your 6′,clumsy as a newborn giraffe doing ballet friend buy 3 inch heels that are a size to small unless you want her to fall in the middle of the aisle (praise the Lord for giant firefighter groomsmen who basically keep you upright so the audience doesn’t get a cheap show!)
Also…lessons from my other Bridesmaid or Best Man experience, if you don’t plan your shower or bachelorette, make sure your maidzilla Maid/Matron of Honor bothers to invite your cousin/bridesmaid to pre-wedding events, especially if they are barely 30 minutes from where she lives. Nothing sucks like seeing photos from a bunch of parties to which you weren’t invited online, after forking out $200 for a horrific pink dress to wear in the wedding. Don’t let maidzilla try to guilt/publically shame another bridesmaid who happens to be a broke missionary because they can’t afford the $600(!!! More than my wedding dress) designer monstrosities you want because your other buddies are all trust fund babies who can buy what they want. Still salty about that one.
Post # 33
Probably paying well over $100 for a dress I will never wear again, so wasteful.
That’s not even counting if you need alterations. ugh.
Post # 34
I hated two things:
1) My best friend, the bride, was so overwhelmed and scatterbrained on the day of the wedding, I feel like I barely got to celebrate with her. Maybe this sounds selfish and it probably is, but I just feel like even standing and sitting right next to her all day long, there was barely any interaction between the two of us and my attempts at interacting with her were either ignored or she got distracted.
2) The bride was SUPER nitpicky about the bridesmaid attire. We had floor length dresses and I think the average person would assume that the shoes probably do not all have to match perfectly since they are covered by the dress? Well, apparently she believed they did. So now I have a pair of $120, 4″ ivory (of all colors!) heels that match nothing else I own and will never wear again. We all tried suggesting wearing nude colored heels that we all already owned, but she HAD to have ivory (eye roll)
I really do love my best friend, though! Lol. She’s not normally like this, she was just VERY overwhelmed trying to plan a wedding in 4 months while her dad, who had just been diagnosed with cancer, was still healthy enough to walk her down the aisle. I do wish more brides would be cognizant of the demands they make of their bridal party and try to keep the ridiculousness to a minimum.
Post # 35
Thanks for all your replies! Please dont feel guilty as these are not reflections of your friendships and this should be a safe platform for us all to share. Some people just get carried away and its good to learn from it.
These are all really good points. My plan for my bridesmaids is to either decide to pay for all of their hair/makeup/dress etc or to ask for a fixed fee contribution (say $50) and ask for no more. I dont want them dredding my wedding and wishing it was over.
I want everyone to be excited to come and enjoy a big party afterwards. I ‘d like to have speaches however I know that my parents and bridesmaidS hate public speaking and so I wont be having them. And that is ok, as I dont want them sitting and dreAding their speach to come and to not enjoy themselves until its over. I dont want to be a bride that loses sight of whats important.
Post # 36
The only think I have disliked is sitting at the head table with the bridal party while my poor husband sat with strangers.
Post # 37
I absolutely hate when couples don’t make their pictures before the wedding. Once the ceremony is over, I’m ready to sit down, have some drinks and eat. Not pose for all your cheesy pictures.
Post # 38
Financial obligations aside, it is the expectation that a bridesmaid is comfortable with and will be able to attending everything from engagement party, to the shower, to the bachelorette, to the rehearsal and various other expectations.
I’ve been in a handful of weddings and typicallly things go smoothly. For example I was in a wedding where the bride wanted her bachelorette on a Wednesday. She was understanding when most of us chose to leave early because of work the next day but wouldn’t stop bringing it up. I also dropped out of a wedding recently because a bride kept pestering me to go to a strip club as part of her lengthy bachelorette.
Post # 39
All of the things I’ve disliked about being a bridesmaid have generally been around times a bride wasn’t very considerate. I was Maid/Matron of Honor in my good friend’s wedding and she blew all of her money on decor, etc for the reading and didn’t even bother to have any food or water for us before the wedding. Another friend kept us locked in a room for hours after getting ready without anything to do, champagne, etc. So it was boring and exhausting just sitting around.
Post # 40
Lucky escape eh! Those dinner must have got so boring ,apart from anything else. And imagine the scene if you had tried to turn the conversation away from wedding minutiae.
Post # 41
Loved being there for my friend, HATED planning the shower. I tried to contribute and had all the other BMS telling me what I had done wasn’t what they wanted. Never got my money back from the friend who took the reigns (we came up with a total and I included my own in breaking down who paid for what it was like 185 pp out of all the bms, but that was split among and my own cost of 150$.) Didn’t hate my dress, I wore it twice, and will definitely wear it again, to another wedding, my alterations were only $25. The bridesmaid dresses were nice for special occasions especially a black tie affair navy blue, high low cut. I lvoed standing there on her day and helping her with stuff.
Post # 42
cosimaskye : oh no. I realize your post was 2 months ago but maybe you’ll see this? You’re on the right track with paying for your BM’s hair/dress etc (its YOUR wedding) but please don’t ask them for a “fixed fee contribution!” As I said it’s YOUR wedding why do these BM’s have to donate to it!?