Tell me your experience as someone in an interracial relationship

posted 2 years ago in Intercultural
Post # 2
Member
1307 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

My SO is japanese. We both grew up here though so weʻre culturally the same but if we have kids, they will in fact be the only non-white kids in my family and theyʻll be the only half-white kids in his family. At first it kinda hit me that this did kinda add another layer to things but in all honesty, I couldnʻt give less of a french about it. Where we live, more than half of marriages are interracial and the majority of kids are mixed so it wonʻt be a big deal at all growing up here for them but I do worry about them going off into the world one day. My relatives live pretty far away and are really conservative white so Iʻm not sure what their internal thoughts are but really, we see them like once every other year. My parents have been really supportive and open-minded, as long as Iʻm happy theyʻre happy and I adore his family. Heʻs always dated white girls I guess so I donʻt think theyʻre shocked by me, but I donʻt think theyʻve wrapped their heads about the idea that we are as serious as planning marriage and kids. Above all, Iʻm just so thankful to live where we live where theyʻll be “normal” or even possibly more popular than say I was as a blonde white girl. And I really hope theyʻre adorable 🙂

Post # 3
Member
780 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

For the most part positive. My family doesn’t care at all that he’s white, the only thing is the language barrier. 

His family is lovely but because I live here I have to deal a lot with the differences so sometimes there’s friction. And… sometimes his mother makes comments I find racist and she tries to convince me that’s not really the case. But especially since her father was a racist according to my Darling Husband, I think she has been influenced slightly but doesn’t see it herself, so I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. I must say, we get along great for the most part so it’s not really a big problem. 

Post # 4
Member
1884 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I am European but live in Africa. My fiancé is African. Most of his close family love me, although one of his uncles (who is like a father) doesn’t like the fact that he’s marrying a foreigner. He sometimes tells me things like “you need to transform your thinking” and he doubts whether I can survive life here even though I’ve spent 3 years here now.

His extended family, a lot of them have already rejected him as he has rejected their traditional religion, isn’t initiated, and therefore will never be a man in their eyes. So they don’t care so much what he does, he’s already rejected them in their view.

As for my family and friends, absolutely everyone has reacted positively. I was worried about announcing our engagement as many people didn’t even know we were dating, but everyone has encouraged me.

My parents and brother have met him when they visited me, and think he’s great. No one else has met him as he can’t get a visa until we’re married.

Post # 5
Member
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I’m white and my Fiance is Latino. Both are families/friends are okay with this. No one has never said anything about it to us(at least to my face). He also was born and raised his whole life in Canada which also makes him so whitewashed.

Post # 6
Member
6069 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m white and my Fiance is ‘brown’. We’ve been together forever (11yr) so most everyone is pretty comfortable. His family has ALWAYS been amazing, my family likes him, but some people are still ‘low key’ racist. Ie they joke about him being ‘the family terrorist’. Its racist, but oh haha its just a joke. They freakin adore him though, so its really frustrating to hear that. Fiance says he doesnt mind, which makes me sad. hes actually used to that kind of shit. My grandpa also likes Fiance as a person and knows hes good to me/good person, but still doesnt really acknowledge that he’s not white lol. He was born in Canada, doesnt speak any other languages and its pretty ‘white washed’ but yeah. 

Post # 7
Member
1483 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’m Asian and my husband is White/Hispanic.  TBH that’s not even a blip on most people’s radar, in my experience.  Cuz it’s so common.  In places like California I’d say Asian F/White M pairings are even more common than Asian/Asian pairings.

Now, Asian/Black pairings are another story.  Sad to say, from what I’ve seen, a large swath of Asians particularly the older folks are VERY racist against non-Whites. Like, mind-bogglingly racist.  Not to mention anti-Muslim. Definitely not something I’m proud of about my culture.  

Post # 8
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

I’m Asian and my boyfriend is Caucasian (Russian) and we’ve known each other since we were six-years-old, growing up in a pretty multicultural suburb. My family doesn’t care at all that he’s white and his family don’t treat me any differently as an Asian. It was such a ~non-issue~ it took me two whole years of dating (after knowing him for 12 years at that point) to actually have the revelation/self-awareness of “omg…we’re considered an interracial couple!”

I guess the only thing is that my boyfriend majored in and dedicated all his studies to the Chinese language so he’s able to speak pretty fluently with my family and now both sides of our families always joke that I need to go learn Russian? That’s about as cultural-discussion-y as we’ve ever gotten in all our 8 years of dating.

Post # 9
Member
1807 posts
Buzzing bee

My Asian friends prefer to date white people- the girls never have problems; but the Asian guys get a lot of discrimination, it’s hard for them to just get the white girl then they have to deal with hater white guys interfering in the relationships.

Post # 10
Member
577 posts
Busy bee

I am white and my SO is Chinese. There have been no problems from my family, friends, coworkers, etc. All have accepted him without question. 

His family was more difficult. His parents did not approve and they tried to get him to leave me and find a Chinese girl. They’re not rude to me, but they probably still think that way. His siblings and friends all like me though, there’s not been any judgement there. 

Dealing with racism is pretty hard and it did strain our relationship because I didn’t want to be around his parents. I don’t know that there is a solution. It just seems to be an older generation thing :/ It really sucks but I try not to let it get me down too much.

Post # 11
Member
666 posts
Busy bee

Being an Asian woman, I have the whole model minority thing on my side so I’m rarely bothered by anything on my significant others’ family, bar little racist jokes about Asian drivers, etc. 

But from my family… I’ve never had anybody outright tell me they disapprove but the little attitudes that you pick up can hurt. My parents have always hoped that I would date and marry within the race. Every time I spoke of a new boyfriend, my parents would always ask about his race first and I can just imagine the disappointment over the telephone each time. 

Years ago, I had a black boyfriend. My family, like many Asian people, are very racist against black people. They were very dismissive of the relationship. I got comments like “it’s not going to last” and implications that he was only interested in sex. And knowing how racist they were, I never felt like I could never bring him around, lest they embarrass me by being overtly racist. It actually became an issue with my ex. He accused me of being embarrassed to be seen with a black guy. 

Post # 12
Member
4117 posts
Honey bee

chels90 :  from family and friends, it’s been positive. But sometimes I can tell people (strangers) look at us as if we are aliens. We have a “double whammy” if you will: 2 women AND interracial. So I’m not sure if they’re looking because we’re a same sex couple, or if it’s because we’re an interracial couple, or a little of both. I am black and Hispanic. She is white. 

Post # 13
Member
538 posts
Busy bee

We are an international, interracial, intercultural, and interfaith couple.

My husband is Korean and I’m brown. We’re currently living in his country.

There are a few people of my ethnicity living here but even those are 99% men. There are almost no women of my ethnicity, so I stand out a lot. I get stared at wherever I go, but no one has said anything directly to us. Even online I could never find any couples where the girl is of my ethnicity and the guy is of his. I guess it’s really rare.

Before we got married, I lived in a major US city where interracial couples are not unusual at all. But even then I remember when he visited me, people would sometimes look at us (though not in a bad way, probably just out of curiosity). Back home, I wasn’t usually aware of my race, so I didn’t realize at first why people might be staring at us. I thought, “Is there something on my face?”

Post # 14
Member
644 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: A restaurant on the beach

My husband is Filipino but was adopted by a white couple. I’m a mixed black (mom is half Indian half black and my dad’s mom is half Scottish half black). My family is obviously very open to interracial dating/marriage so there haven’t been any issues there. His family has also always been very sweet to me. We’ve been together for almost 11 years and in that time there haven’t been any racial issues. We have a very similar upbringing, attended the same schools, have a similar lifestyle. Those things have had more of an impact on our relationship than race. As for strangers, there have been comments but they are usually directed towards asking what I’m mixed with or where he is from- nothing mean, just curiosity. 

Post # 15
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I’m Haitian and European while he’s Puerto Rican, Mexican and Armenian. Sadly his family has very racist tendency but try to cover it by saying I don’t count because I’m not African American. Usually it’s his mother that say these racist things. When my Fiance and his sister were younger she would tell them not to date black people because they’re terrible and disgusting. She would also say while cleaning you’re all treating me like a black person(slave). My friends and family have no issues with our relationship. Only problem we run into is with Hispanics and black men.

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