Tell me your experience as someone in an interracial relationship

posted 2 years ago in Intercultural
Post # 31
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I am asian and my husband is white.  my husband’s family has been super nice towards me as well.  I cannot say the same about the older generation of my extended family.  my mother, for a long time, only wanted me to date asian guys.  I actually tried to make my mom happy but it never worked out.  funny thing is most of our friends are interracial couples.  i guess you hang out with people similar to you.

Post # 32
Member
1387 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

No one has really reacted negatively – I’ve always dated outside my race and so did Darling Husband so no one was really surprised we’re married. I’m white and Darling Husband is asian. We’ve been together 9 years, married for 3, and have a daughter together. 

We also live in Texas and for us no one really bats an eye. I know soooo many interracial couples from work, church, and just from seeing them at the store. 

Darling Husband had an uncle who wanted Darling Husband to marry an Asian girl and always made fun of white people, but he was off his rocker so no one really liked or even listened to him. 

Post # 33
Member
534 posts
Busy bee

I had my second racist encounter related to my relationship today.

(I commented on the first page of this thread but just wanted to add this latest experience.)

An old lady who works for my housing complex keeps harassing me whenever she sees me throwing out the recycling. She thought I was a mail-order bride…

My husband is a doctor and I’m about to become a lawyer. I don’t need to hear such racist things from a lowlife garbage picker.

This ruined my morning but unfortunately there are many small-minded creatures like her who think it is their duty to comment on others’ lives.

Post # 34
Member
10584 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I’m white and I was involved for a few years with a man born and raised in Mexico.  We were living in San Diego at the time, so I’m pretty sure nobody noticed.

My friends were fine.  My parents kept the stiff upper lip.  As for strangers–if we got weird looks or something, I didn’t pick up on it.  Mostly, it was other women looking longingly at my bf, he was quite good looking.

Post # 35
Member
9042 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I am aboriginal and my husband is white. My parents and the majority of my father’s side are in interracial relationships so it was NBD to them. My husband immediate family are no problem, though his dad had never actually met an aboriginal before and did ask me so “is it true” questions but from knowing him it was more in a “I have heard this but don’t know if I believe it and am glad I can now ask someone with first hand knowledge” kind of way.

Some of my husband’s extended family are however racists through and through. The only time I met them was at my husband’s grandmothers funeral and even the fact that it was a funeral didn’t get some of them to hold their tongues. The most memorable comment was “why did you bring that thing to your grandma’s funeral”. Mind you these are people who had little relationship with the women and who I had spent countless hours visiting with my husband.

Mostly it is more likely to be a stranger that comments. Usually directed at my husband rather than me. Usually along the line’s of being a race traitor or liking the dark meat etc. 

Post # 36
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee

My parents are probably better examples than my fiance and myself. My Dad is Native American and my Mom is Caucasian American. 

During their marriage there were some side comments from strangers and jokes from my Mom’s older brothers, e.g called my dad a ‘Neanderthal.’ When my parents were living on the reservation my poor Mom stood out but I don’t think anyone was outright mean to her. I noticed that nobody talked to her much at my Grandmother’s funeral. 

My late Maternal Grandfather was extremely accepting and kind to my Father from day one.

I could never quite confirm this, but I suspect in many Native communities a man dating a white woman is given much more of a ‘pass’ than vice-versa. Funny considering that historically, at least with nothern tribes and bands it was early European settlers that coupled with Native women. I’ve got a Quebecois great-grandfather.wink

Post # 37
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee

I know I’m late to this thread but I just wanted to add my experience with interracial dating. I’m black and my SO is white. His dad is a police officer and because he claimed that most of the people he arrested were black, he had an overall negative view on black people. He was nice to me to my face but in the past he said some racist things about me to my SO. And admitted that he wished his son would date someone white. He actually made that comment not too long ago, and we’ve been dating for almost 4 years now! But I have no ill feelings towards his father and he is still nice to me to my face. I think he has just accepted that I’m not going anywhere lol. Other than that his family has been fine to me. And my family is completely fine with me dating outside my race. The only other thing I’ve experienced is shocked or disaproving looks from old men and black men. 

Post # 38
Member
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: LA Athletic Club

My husband is Middle Eastern and I’m half Mexican/Spanish and half European. Fortunately we live in Southern California so dating outside of your “race” is more accepting and common. My parents initially had mixed feelings because of the “stereotypes” and concerns for how our future children would be treated, but they got over it and have a great relationship with him now. My mother-in-law is open minded and liked me from the beginning. However, my father-in-law is very traditional and wanted his kids to marry within their race and religion. He has slowly been warming up to me, but he will probably never fully accept it. We both look mixed, so most people don’t know or bother us. We do get occasional looks from racists when they hear his name or mine. We don’t waste our time caring about it though. 

Post # 39
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I’m a black girl from Dallas, TX and my fiancé is a white guy from the UK. We’ve had incredibly supportive family & friends who didn’t really bat an eyelash when we got together. We live in Dallas now and we do get some looks every once in a while, but the vast majority of people we come in contact with do not care at all. 

Post # 40
Member
793 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Wedgewood Las Vegas

My Brother-In-Law (who is white) married a Phillipino girl. It’s caused some oddness in his family mainly because it was rushed, and gave off a lot of ‘wanting the greencard’ vibe (she broke down in tears when she found out that she wouldn’t automatically become a citizen the day of her wedding). However my Father-In-Law and Mother-In-Law welcomed her with open arms, and I’ve never heard them say anything negative about her ethnicity at all.

Honestly, the cultural differences have been a lot harder on the blending of families than race or ethnicity. The Phillipino culture is sooo different than what is usually found in the US.

 

 

Post # 41
Member
2491 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I’m black and mexican and Darling Husband is white. My family has loved him from day one but his mom does not like that I am not white. Sje wishes he had married someone white.  It has been a constant struggle that I’ve also mentioned on the bee. We haven’t experienced a lot of negative responses from other people but ee have experienced some. We were at Kohls and a black lady refused to help us. It was so strange. Another time we were at the zoo eating at one of the restaurants this white older guy probably in his 60s sat down in front of us glared at us our whole meal and didnt eat 1 thing! We were uncomfortable and then as soon as we got up to leave so did he.  My Darling Husband and I both believe he just didn’t like.  It was very strange at the least. People are always shocked when I say my husband is white. They respond as if I said he’s an octopus.  But they just say things like “oh you don’t seem like you would be with a white guy. Or I would never guess that.” Im so used to it now.  

Post # 42
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

chels90 :  I’m black and my bf is white and we haven’t really run into any problems. I was worried when meeting his parents as they are pretty conservative but they were really sweet and we won’t really see them often as they live out of state. My family lives out of state as well besides my mom who loves him. I’ve only ever dated white guys so it’s no surprise.

No strangers have had anything to say either so maybe we’ve just gotten lucky 

Post # 43
Member
749 posts
Busy bee

chels90 :  I’m in an interracial relationship with me being Caucasian and my Darling Husband being South Asian. This hasn’t been an issue for either of our families, but I have noticed that we have gotten some looks from strangers sometimes, and we live in a cosmopolitan city. I don’t let it bother me…they are going to have to get used to it. Love is love.

My brother is dating an East Asian woman, and he had to deal with pushback from her family in the first two years that when they started dating, because her family did not want her dating a Caucasian man, even though this is so common in California where they live. However, they all get along well now.

yupmarried :  Seriously? Luckily I haven’t had any “hater” white guys try to intervene in my relationship. That is gross that they feel entitled to do that.

jellybellynelly :  Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry that you and your Fiance have to deal with that. It sounds horrible and it is not something to joke about. 

My mom used to “make fun” of my high school boyfriend (not the same guy as Darling Husband, this is an ex) because she thought he was unattractive, and I put a stop to that by getting other family members on my side to tell her that it was not okay when she did it, and repeatedly telling her how much it was hurting me and damaging my relationship with her. It took a while of being very persistent and making boundaries, but eventually she understood that that type of “joking” is not okay. But I know that it’s hard to do that and it depends on your familiy dynamic.

Post # 44
Member
15 posts
Newbee

I am white and my SO is black. We are also a lesbian couple. I don’t associate with the racist/ultra-conservative side of my family at all and haven’t for many years, so there hasn’t been any room for any negativity from that side, and the family I do talk to loves my SO maybe more than they love me LOL. Her family has also always been so lovely and accepting of me. Same goes for friends on both our sides. It probably helps that we both have a “zero tolerance” policy when it comes to racist remarks or homophobia, tho. Life is too short to entertain people like that, blood or not, in my opinion. 

Out in the world, we get our fair share of side-eye, disapproving glances, and even the occasional muttered remark, but never anything that has really bothered us thus far. 

Post # 45
Member
2024 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m white and married to a white man, but I dated a black man for several years when I was younger. The racism is partially what ended the relationship (amongst other things, like cheating– to which my friends and family reminded me that “black guys cheat on white girls“).

I live in the Southeastern US, very rural. It was very taboo, very ostracised and very, very apparent it made most people uncomfortable. My  immediate family was open/receptive to my ex from the start, but I knew they did it just for me and not because they approved, if that makes sense. They were very vocal after breaking up with him (which they were VERY relieved about), that I “went back to dating white men”.

 

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