(Closed) Telling a Bridesmaid to Step down

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 32
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I say ask her to step down. This is your wedding and if you are not comfortable with her, then do it. You don’t need the additional stress. But do it soon.

 

I am having one of my own. She tries to change or talk me our of every decision i have made so far. Even what Tux my Fiance will wear. I sometimes wonder if she is the one getting married. Cool 

Post # 33
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Lol!! Jj needed to chill!

– sounds like youve made a decision! I agree! Dump her – sounds like a meaningless friendship anyways!

Best of luck and let us know what you do and how it goes!

Post # 34
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I had to ask one of my BM’s to step down. She was being difficult as well, so I took the coward’s way out and lied to her about “why” I made her step down. I told her that FI’s family was pissed that my brother is a Groomsmen but FI’s sister isn’t a Bridesmaid or Best Man, so I needed to ask her to step down so I could put the sister in.

Long story short, the girl and I are still friends, and having FI’s sister as a Bridesmaid or Best Man has turned out to be an amazing decision. They were never close before, but now they are talking all the time (their parents passed away a while ago, so they are the only immediate family the other has) and really repairing their relationship. It’s been really awesome and I haven’t regretted it for a second, even if I did have to lie to do it.

Your “friend” should definitely not be a Bridesmaid or Best Man if she’s causing so much stress in your mind. It may make you feel guilty for a little while, but honestly, you’ll feel so much better in the end.

Post # 35
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Dump her. It’s not fair to you and your Fiance to have to deal with somebody who clearly isn’t that interested in being in your wedding. 

With that being said, I would still leave it open to her coming to your wedding. She can flat out refuse and never speak to you again – but maybe she wants out of the wedding party as much as you want her out and will actually agree to step down as a Bridesmaid or Best Man but just attend the wedding as a guest? I know it’s a long shot, but you never know.

Post # 38
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@BOSOX11:  I have been following this thread, and wanted to chime in and say maybe the way this all played out is a good thing. The last thing you wanted is to have someone like this actually attend your wedding and create more stress and drama during a time that is already chaotic in itself.

Post # 39
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@BOSOX11:  Sorry you caught some flack on this thread… I still think that you were not in the wrong for being upset. It seems like you took the high road by calling her, to no avail. You did the right thing. This girl was obviously not a true friend to you anyways and I hope the rest of your planning is smooth sailing now that you have your A-team bridesmaids together Laughing

Post # 40
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am so sorry you had to deal with this.  I am also glad you got to tell her before she did invest more money or time…it might of made things worse had you waited.  I changed my mind also about one of my Bridesmaid or Best Man.  I went about it all in the wrong way…when I put my wedding website together and she saw it she texted me asking if she wasn’t a Bridesmaid or Best Man anymore because we don’t talk.  I just told her we cut back one person…it was still a year before our wedding so the plans weren’t definite but I shouldn’t have asked her. We hadn’t talked since we got engaged and before anytime I would invite her to do anything with me she never would go…she is the type to only do what her BF does or will only hang out with me if it is a couple’s thing which made me believe if she was in my wedding she wouldn’t participate.  Regardless I have been the one doing everything because I don’t like asking for help…aside from my Fiance and Mom.  She didn’t take it to heart and we occasionally still talk.  Aside from all that, I didn’t want anyone negative to be a part or even attend my wedding, so you changing your mind about your friend seems to me that you don’t want that negativity and it makes sense!

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