Post # 32
I say ask her to step down. This is your wedding and if you are not comfortable with her, then do it. You don’t need the additional stress. But do it soon.
I am having one of my own. She tries to change or talk me our of every decision i have made so far. Even what Tux my Fiance will wear. I sometimes wonder if she is the one getting married.
Post # 33
Lol!! Jj needed to chill!
– sounds like youve made a decision! I agree! Dump her – sounds like a meaningless friendship anyways!
Best of luck and let us know what you do and how it goes!
Post # 34
I had to ask one of my BM’s to step down. She was being difficult as well, so I took the coward’s way out and lied to her about “why” I made her step down. I told her that FI’s family was pissed that my brother is a Groomsmen but FI’s sister isn’t a Bridesmaid or Best Man, so I needed to ask her to step down so I could put the sister in.
Long story short, the girl and I are still friends, and having FI’s sister as a Bridesmaid or Best Man has turned out to be an amazing decision. They were never close before, but now they are talking all the time (their parents passed away a while ago, so they are the only immediate family the other has) and really repairing their relationship. It’s been really awesome and I haven’t regretted it for a second, even if I did have to lie to do it.
Your “friend” should definitely not be a Bridesmaid or Best Man if she’s causing so much stress in your mind. It may make you feel guilty for a little while, but honestly, you’ll feel so much better in the end.
Post # 35
Dump her. It’s not fair to you and your Fiance to have to deal with somebody who clearly isn’t that interested in being in your wedding.
With that being said, I would still leave it open to her coming to your wedding. She can flat out refuse and never speak to you again – but maybe she wants out of the wedding party as much as you want her out and will actually agree to step down as a Bridesmaid or Best Man but just attend the wedding as a guest? I know it’s a long shot, but you never know.
Post # 37
Hi guys – Thanks for your support
@Tatum we are paying for it (well 5 days 4 nights in a big house for everyone, they just pay for flights)
I couldnt get a hold of her on the phone so I ended up sending her a very polite and to the point email just saying I would like our friendship to continue but it seems like she has too much going on right now and mentioned how her not responding to any of my communications was causing too much stress and that I wish we could talk about it but since it is a destination wedding it needs to be done now so we dont have a falling out later. She responded that she had been the perfect bridesmaid and didnt understand where I was coming from. I emailed her back with specific examples. She either ignored the examples or said “just because that ONE time I didnt respond the next day….” There were many capitalized words. she didnt understand that it was just an example of what she has been doing all along and the examples were not one times things. So I basically just told her I was sorry she was upset, again I wish we could have talked about it but it needed to be done before she invested any $ and that I needed her to respect my decision. My Fiance, all my friends who she me threw me, and myself were promptly deleted from her Facebook.
Post # 38
@BOSOX11: I have been following this thread, and wanted to chime in and say maybe the way this all played out is a good thing. The last thing you wanted is to have someone like this actually attend your wedding and create more stress and drama during a time that is already chaotic in itself.
Post # 39
@BOSOX11: Sorry you caught some flack on this thread… I still think that you were not in the wrong for being upset. It seems like you took the high road by calling her, to no avail. You did the right thing. This girl was obviously not a true friend to you anyways and I hope the rest of your planning is smooth sailing now that you have your A-team bridesmaids together
Post # 40
I am so sorry you had to deal with this. I am also glad you got to tell her before she did invest more money or time…it might of made things worse had you waited. I changed my mind also about one of my Bridesmaid or Best Man. I went about it all in the wrong way…when I put my wedding website together and she saw it she texted me asking if she wasn’t a Bridesmaid or Best Man anymore because we don’t talk. I just told her we cut back one person…it was still a year before our wedding so the plans weren’t definite but I shouldn’t have asked her. We hadn’t talked since we got engaged and before anytime I would invite her to do anything with me she never would go…she is the type to only do what her BF does or will only hang out with me if it is a couple’s thing which made me believe if she was in my wedding she wouldn’t participate. Regardless I have been the one doing everything because I don’t like asking for help…aside from my Fiance and Mom. She didn’t take it to heart and we occasionally still talk. Aside from all that, I didn’t want anyone negative to be a part or even attend my wedding, so you changing your mind about your friend seems to me that you don’t want that negativity and it makes sense!