(Closed) telling a vendor we didn't pick them…HELP!

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
9799 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

“thank you so much for your time but we went another route. Take care”

To the caterer: “thank you so much for your referall but we went another route”


Its business. Just be polite and matter of fact about it.


Post # 4
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@MsGinkgo:  I would just say “Thank you for the information and taking the time to meet with us. However, we did decide to go another route. Thanks again!”

Unless the caterer asks, you don’t have to tell them anything about the meeting or what you did decide. If they asks, then just tell them “Thanks for your referal but we did decide to go with another vendor.”

Post # 5
4042 posts
Honey bee

I sent e-mails to people, as soon as I knew which way we were headed. In a few cases, we didn’t already have someone lined up to perform the vendor function, but knew we didn’t want to work with them. We thanked them for their time in meeting/talking to us (and ideas, if applicable), and then said after careful consideration, we chose another option/are going in a different direction.




Post # 6
46455 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Just remember that although you are not used to giving rejections, they are used to receiving them.

Post # 8
7649 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@MsGinkgo:  Just tell her you decided to go with someone else. As for the caterer it really isn’t their business if you didn’t use the DJ they recommended. Vendors are used to being turned down all the time. Vendors are really good about recommending others, but you have no obligation to choose them. It’s your wedding 🙂

Post # 9
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Exactly why we only contacted our first choice vendor! 


But we did end up speaking to a few videographers, and I dreaded writing to the ones we didn’t pick. I ended up writing something similar to what the others have suggested, and don’t worry– I only got nice emails back 🙂 things like “I understand– best wishes for your wedding!”


no one will hold a grudge– to us its personal, but to them its business. 

Post # 11
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I agree with everyone else. I doubt the person will even think twice. It sounds like it is a stretch anyway, AND she has another interested party. She won’t care at all I promise.

Post # 12
1797 posts
Buzzing bee

@MsGinkgo:  If she emails you asking about whether or not you want the date just be up front with her. “We’ve decided to go another route.” She already has another couple lined up, so she probably really won’t be that upset. I don’t think you’re crazy for wanting to give her a heads up either. When we were apartment shopping, my SO and I saw a terrible place. We were nice and took applications, but we never filled them out, and never told the guy we decided not to apply. Fastforward six months to when we were already in a beautiful apartment, and the guy paid a visit to my SO at work (he’s in retail). They had talked about what kind of store my SO works in, and it turned out the guy was a customer in the past. He was like, “Hi, where is your application!?” Now we will always tell someone when we won’t be using them for ANYTHING LOL.

Post # 13
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@MsGinkgo:  I completely get the awkward feeling, but through this process I’ve slowly become comfortable with the idea that these are professionals and they don’t actually get as offended or upset as we anticipate.  I always felt bad and would put off not telling someone we weren’t considering them, but learned quickly that they get it, would rather know sooner than later and move on to the next!  Just take a deep breath and let her know that you went a different direction.  Hopefully the caterer isn’t too fussy over your selection … it’s your selection after all!

Post # 14
5959 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@MsGinkgo:  To her: “Thank you so much for the meeting.  At this point we’ve decided to go with another vendor and wanted to let you know right away so that you can book with the other couple who are holding the date.  All the best and thanks again!”

I dont’ think you need to say anything to the caterer unless he/she asks.


Post # 15
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Short and simple and to the point is best! I’ve been using the “moving in another direction and hired someone else” line. However, I recently got two responses to the rejection emails I wrote and both asked point blank who I am hiring instead. I don’t know how to respond to that, seems kind of rude and I probably won’t write them back. 

Post # 16
4042 posts
Honey bee

@HoyaTerpDC:  I had that with a photographer; we ignored him. I knew we wouldn’t book him – he was too agressive. Then when we sent a short and sweet e-mail, saying we had gone in another direction, he sent us a series of e-mails about who, why, why didn’t we pick him, and then a list of things to look for, in a photographer. One conversation over the phone, was enough to have us running, in the other direction, to begin with. Argh …

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