(Closed) Telling Ex about Engagement?

posted 12 years ago in Encore
Post # 17
Member
6586 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

My ex and I are on pretty decent terms.  So after I got engaged, I called him and told him because I thought it would be worse if he heard it drom someone else (our 6 year old daughter) or saw it on facebook or something.  I thought of it as a courtesy.  However our divorce was very amicable and not messy so I may have handled it differently if it had been.  But the funny thing was my ex’ reaction: “well, will I be invited?”.  Um no.

Post # 18
Member
670 posts
Busy bee

@belle – you crack me up…  hehe

I didn’t call my ex and tell him, but my kids did. They were SO excited.  ( They just turned 8 & 9)

He gets them every other weekend and unfortunately the kids get LOTS of questions about me.  It was worse before, but now he’s married.  I wear my ring with pride. 

 

Post # 19
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

when i told my daughters father, it went so well. 

not the other way around when fi told his ex wife…………..   but it was a good thing he did.  she had been putting their daughter in the middle drilling her with questions ever since she heard a rumor that we were engaged.  that is not the place for a five year old to be.

she is an awful woman who is so rude and just plain evil to us since she found out………. even though she herself is remarried with a child with her new husband.  

i guess it just depends on the situation. 

my advice is to stay strong, be honest and up front and be proud of your engagement  with everyone.  you will reapect yourself more that way, it will give your ex more time to digest the news, and most importantly it keeps children from being middle men.

good luck.

Post # 20
Member
2297 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

If you’re already living with your Fiance, being engaged would if anything strengthen your case for custody.  But I agree with the others–if he hears it first from your daughter, it’s going to be a lot worse than if he first hears it from you.

Of course, by the time NotFroofy and I got engaged, my ex’s first reaction was along the lines of, “We’d been wondering when you were going to get around to that.”

Post # 21
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I don’t have any experience in this area, but I think it would be best to handle the situation in the same respect that you would like it handled if the shoe were on the other foot. I’m sure if your ex were getting married, you would appreciate a personal heads up from him.

Post # 22
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

The original post is a little old, so maybe you’ve gotten your answer already, but here’s what I did.

Similar divorce situation, minus the expensive attorneys.  Mine was helped when he decided to move several states away. 

When Fiance and I started dating I told Ex at the first opportunity that DD would be meeting him.  Ex didn’t call often, but his first call after DD met Fiance I told him.  When Fiance and I decided to move in together I actually sought Ex out to tell him.  I figured he deserved enough notice to try and stop it. . . not that he had the money for attornies.  In May Ex moved back and visitation started back up, so now I see him regularly.  In November Fiance proposed.  I didn’t see how this (very pretty) ring changed anyting for DD.  We’re still living with Fiance, so nothing really changes.  I didn’t see the point in telling him.  I figured DD might tell him on her next visit. 

For other reasons my mom had to drop DD off on her next visit and let the cat out of the bag.  Ex was upset that I hadn’t told him and asked me why.  In the nicest way possible I explained that the engagement doesn’t change anything for DD.  I went on to say that I had told all my friends and family and he didn’t really fit in either group. 

And that was it.  When we get closer to the actual wedding date I might have a chat with him about it, but I really don’t even see that changing anything for DD.  We’ll still live with Fiance, but she might call him dad instead of by his first name. 

Post # 23
Member
54 posts
Worker bee

That is actually a tough one… my fiance’s ex is pregnant, and she is due in January. We are a new couple, but we know exactly what we want out of the relationship… each other, love, support, commitment. We have decided to wait until after his son is born so there won’t be any complications during her pregnancy. That is the last thing I want, is for something to go wrong. I don’t want her to go under any stress. My friends tell me that I am not normal, because of the way that I handle the situation with his ex. I just want everyone happy and healthy. A healthy attitude is a happy spirit.

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